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Husband sucks

Melissamaybe's picture

Alright so I know this isn’t really a step child issue but I have no friends to talk to about this and can’t find a site to talk about marriage on. So here we go. 

My husband and I have been together not even 8 months and I am so ready to leave. We only dated a year before we got married and it was a dumb choice on my part. We got pregnant 3 months into our relationship so I guess a part of me thought marrying this guy was the right decision for me and my son. I regret not putting more thought into it. My husband works full time Monday - Friday and I’m a stay at home mom with my 8 month old and step son three days a week and nanny twice a week. I only get my step son three days a week so I am usually only taking care of my baby. My husband doesn’t help with my baby. When his son is here he focuses solely on him and doesn’t bother to help with our son. We get his son every other weekend and a couple days throughout the week. The weekends we don’t have his son he spends being lazy lounging around the house, not waking up until 2 pm etc. he never wants to do anything the weekends we don’t have his son and it’s so shitty those are our weekends to spend time together and he spends it sleepin. Saturday he woke up at 10 am and went back to sleep at 1 pm and literally I kid you not slept until 10 am the next morning. While I have to feed change entertain bathe our son. I love taking care of our son I do. I am a stay at home mom so I understand a lot of the responsibilities of taking care of him should be put on me but I rarely ever get a break and I should. I went to the grocery store by myself for the first time Friday since God knows when. It was amazing. Lol. I can’t remembwr The last time I got to do something for me. I’m on mom duty 24/7. I use to ask him to help me with our son. I would ask him to feed him breakfast and he would say “he doesn’t need breakfast I’ll just give him a bottle” yes he does need breakfast!!! He’s a growing child and needs the nutrients! Not only that but that’s been the routine and I don’t want him to get off track. I’ll ask him to bathe him and he says “we don’t need to bathe him tonight. He doesn’t need a bath every night” once again, yes he doesn’t because that’s been the routine his entire little life and I’m not going to switch it up now. I’ll ask him to get up with him sometimes in the night and he will just roll over and ignore me so I end up having to do it. The only way he ever helps me with our son is when we’re arohnd family or friends. It’s so fake. Out of nowhere he will begin asking me if I need him to do a, b, and c and it really throws me off. Like why can’t you do this just around me and not just around ppl to make yourself look like a good husband? I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t ask him for help anymore because I know it’s not going to get done and if it does, it’s gonna be half assed and I’m going to have to hold his hand through it. Or he will just refuse to do it and it infuriates me.  We went to dinner the other night and got home at 7 and he told me to get the car seat out of the car and he ran inside and got into bed while I had to get his diaper bag, and baby out of the car. Then I had to put him to bed feed him dinner and bathe him while my husband just sleeps. I’m upset I don’t know why my husband is acting like this man child. This isn’t the fifties anymore it isn’t my duty to do everything for the kids and I’m getting fed up. He’s not a gentleman, he’s super selfish and I’m over it. Everywhere we go I have to drive, I have to carry the baby in the carrier, I have to feed the baby and I’m getting super fed up. He needs to start acting like a father. I really want to leave because I try talking to him about this and he just yells at me. He doesn’t care. I’m scared to leave because I cry at the idea of having my son only 50 percent of the time. He is everything to me and I can’t imagine a life where I only seeing him 50%. Help. I don’t know what to do. Is he being awful or am I just asking too much? 

Nottakingit's picture

It sounds like your husband wouldn't WANT 50% so that might not even be an issue. You are living a miserable life in a miserable marriage. Leave before your son learns what a husband and father should be.

And yes he's being awful. I know it sucks, my ex used to work evenings, come home and go to bed and not get up again till timeto go back to work and we had 2 kids and a new baby. No amount of begging for help changed anything. It's neglectful and imo emotionally abusive.

Melissamaybe's picture

It sounds like he doesn’t want fifty percent but my oh my he would fight me tooth and nail for it. He did that for my step son when his mother ran off with him. He only has his son 30% of the time now and can barely take care of him. Doesn’t change him until noon after he wakes up doesn’t feed him breakfasts or lunch sometimes keeps him in his pjs all day. I end up feeding him and changing him.  I’m worried of leaving my husband because I don’t want my son to be abused like that. That’s neglect and the thought of him neglecting our son sickens me. 

beebeel's picture

I'm a SAHM (although I've been working some freelance from home the past few months) and my DH is still a parent to our toddler. He gives him a bath and puts him to bed every other night. He helps feed him dinner every night. I don't think I ever carried the car seat with the kid in it if my husband was around (those suckers are HEAVY!). I feel like he's selfish sometimes for sleeping until 10 a.m. on the weekends, but yesterday he woke up at 7:30 and took care of the kiddo for most of the day. Once a week I go out with my girlfriends and DH stays home with the 2 year old. 

I think you should be working before you decide to leave, and in any event. You should be getting paid for providing daycare to his child three days a week, and if you aren't, then stop. If you are working, he will have no choice but to step up to his parenting responsibilities. Bonus: should you decide to leave, you will have the money to do so.


SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

My husband doesn’t act like this! We work as a team and he doesn’t throw me under a bus. 

I do a lot and I’m f**** tired most of the time but my DH pulls his own weight around here.

Your husband reminds me of my ex husband who thank god couldn’t or wouldn’t get me pregnant. He was lazy to a fault and a class A mooch. Never again.

Anon9876's picture

He might fight for custody but it would be purely because of his ego. e sounds like he wants others to think he's a trophy husband when really he's leaving you to fend for yourself.

Maybe he thinks because he has an outside job that your job is easy when in reality it's anything but.

I would do as suggested. Get a job, save your money, stop begging him to be a man because a real man doesn't Ave to be begged to treat his wife right and take care of his child...

You deserve more and your son deserves a better father figure. 

notsobad's picture

Start putting money away. Make a plan, find a job, a daycare and whatever else you'll need to be on your own.

Stop asking him to do anything for you or for your son. When you are out make a big deal out of him asking to help. Tell everyone in earshot that you need to go out more often, he never helps out at home. See if his attitude changes. It might.