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Step did step D O N E

Melissamaybe's picture

I knew marrying my husband would be hard as he has two kids. What I didn’t know was how far my limits could be pushed. I really wish somebody would’ve told me not to get involved with him because step parenting is down right hard and crappy. But the step kids aren’t even the hardest part....

 

Im 32 years old. I met my husband through my best friend (who isn’t my best friend anymore) long story short she was a shit friend the last couples years of our friendship. She moved out of state without telling me and attempted to kidnap my husbands kids in the midst of it all. Me and her boyfriend (who is now my husband) became very close when she moved (they broke up)  Because she hurt us both pretty bad. We ended up becoming good friends for a few years and ended up dating. We have a kid of our own a five year old girl. Plus his two kids. They believe their littl girl has autism and is taking s long time to meet all her milestones so they take her to therapy and to a psychologist.  (She’s 2) 

In one of their recent sessions the mom brought up that her daughter came home with a bruise and when she asked her what had happened the little girl replied “Melissa hit me” I’m Melissa btw. My husband told me this recently and I was fuming! I couldn’t believe that she would accuse me of abusing this child. I have never layed hands on a child and don’t even have the bone in my body to do that!!!!  I’m worried that cps will show up at my door. I’ve worked in childcare for decades and I’ve never once been accused of abusing a child. I don’t know where to go from here. We have had many other unbelievable situations happen with her and this one has sent me overboard. This mama bear isn’t happy. My first though is I want to leave my husband. I know it’s not his fault but I don’t know how much longer I can handle the mental abuse from her. She is ruining my marriage and I don’t know what to do. 

Thoughts? 

ndc's picture

False claims of abuse are scary, and they're especially scary when you have a child of your own or you work in childcare, because both your own child and your livelihood are at risk.  Is never being alone with his child an option?  

Step-girlfriend's picture

I could have written this myself. Well, minus the “married my ex-best friends ex-boyfriend” part. :) 

Anyway, BM is crazy and is constantly beating into skids head that I’m a terrible person, blah blah blah. Probably a little over a year ago, SD was 8, and told BM that I “pushed her face”. Which translated into hitting her. BM told everyone I hit SD, and when we asked SD why she said that, she said right to me that I pushed her face. She had 2 different stories about when it happened, and one was when my SO was right there. Either way, I never touched her, and wouldn’t. The thing is, SD loves me, and when I was gently asking her about it, she walked up to me and hugged me. I think she actually believed it happened, to an extent.

Anyway, I felt totally defeated. After dealing with BM’s constant nonsense and harassment, talking sh*t about me, etc...I finally felt like, I give up. It’s never going to end. And to have my neighbor tell me that they saw BM at the store and she told them that I hit SD...it sucked. I was tempted to walk. I was terrified of something happening with CPS, of them believing it. What’s crazy, is BM actually called CPS after that about something else, and idk if she ever even mentioned the “hitting” to CPS (if she didn’t it’s because she knew it wasn’t true)..either way, nothing came of it. They briefly talked to skids and immediately said they had no concerns with us. 

CPS isn’t stupid. They talk to the kids and can usually tell when it’s not a true story. I wouldn’t worry about that too much. If you are happy, and think you can deal with BM’s antics, then stay. Things have actually gotten much, much better for us. We have BM at a distance, contact is very limited (she’s blocked on everything but a court-ordered app for communication) which has saved us. That and sticking to the custody agreement. Honestly, it was unbearable prior to the app. There are ways to lesson the drama. If you are doubting the marriage for other reasons, that’s another thing. Otherwise I would say, don’t let BM have the power to ruin your marriage. Cut her off as much as possible. Limit her opportunities to communicate. I know SD is the one who said this, but she’s also 2. She doesn’t know what she’s saying. You know what is true- don’t let BM have that much power over you! 

Good luck. I do know exactly how you feel. 

Chelsearg's picture

my stepson (10 at the time) wrote a note in his room and screwed it up. I found it when cleaning the room. He accused me of hurting him and punching him and that he hated me and wished I was never born. This came up after I growled him for throwing large rocks full force at our old dogs face! I was very upset as we have a young son and I am not going to have false accusations thrown around that could jeopardise my family and son! 

I told hubby and showed him the note. Told him it gets sorted as soon as stepson comes back. We had a talk to him and asked him why he Wrote it and how he felt. He said he was grumpy and it wasn’t true, which we already knew! Then we told him what would happen and that these lies are not on and that he would not be welcome back if he’s going to make up false allegations. It was tough but had to be done and is what our amazing councillor told us to do. Safe to say no more shit so far. Except accusations from the ex but stepson likes to please his mum so Wouldn’t surprise me if he’s telling her fibs. 

As for your situation and the kid being 2, my son is 4 and makes up lies like this all of the time about kids hurting him or people. We tell him it’s not acceptable but sometimes he just likes to say things and make up stories. However your hubby truely should know you and needs to sort it ASAP! Before it becomes a bigger issue. 

Melissamaybe's picture

Lol oh dear. I didn’t realize I put year old instead of month old. That changes the situation quite a bit lol!