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Daddy is lazy.

Amyloo's picture

My step son is 2 and my biological son is 6 months old. Last night my husband went to bed at six and left his step son in his high chair after dinner and when I took him down he was running around the house supervised by only me while dad slept on the couch. Nine rolls around and I put my baby to sleep. And he’s still up. He starts screaming and he finally gets up to take care of his son but only puts him in bed. Doesn’t bathe him change his diaper etc. this is his fourth overnight here as we are transitioning into fifty fifty custody. My baby woke up twice last night and his son woke up a few times too. This morning we wake up and his son is up and running around. My baby wakes up so I get out of bed to feed him change him. His son is still just wandering around the house while dad continues to sleep at 10am. He says he can’t get up because he is tired. So am I but I’m up anyway. I want to help his son because I feel sad for him but I don’t think it’s fair he gets to sleep in while I have to get up and take care of my son and his son. Opinions? Thoughts? 

Harry's picture

make him take care of his son.  Wake him up, don’t let him sleep. Tell him to change his son.  A little of that he may not want 50/50 anymore. 

Meezer's picture

I would not have an ounce of respect for this man left in me if I witnessed such disgusting levels of neglect. There is a HUGE difference between *asking* your partner to help you with your bio child and simply neglecting a child and expecting your partner to help without having a conversation about it prior. This man has zero respect for you and doesn't seem to really care much about his child's well being. From the way you have explained this situation, I can't even fathom why he would seek 50/50 custody for a child he couldn't be bothered to take care of or spend time with... Unless the REAL reason he is seeking 50/50 is to hurt the BM. And if all he really cares about is hurting BM, then he probably isn't really 'over her'. People who have moved on from a past relationship don't actively seek to hurt that person.

I would say to leave this situation  but I am guessing that you are financially dependent on him... He knows this, and therefore he has ALL the control/power. He feels like he can treat you however he wants because he knows you're not going anywhere. This will only get worse. 

Winterglow's picture

There's anopther reason he might be seeking 50-50 ... reducing CS or not having to pay it at all. He just doesn't realize that it will come at a personal cost to him.

Oh, and I'm with everyone else, he's a lazy waste of space who doesn't yet understand that you don't have the luxury of being "tired" when you're a parent. OP, please make sure he learns that ASAP.

twoviewpoints's picture

You have three options. 1) you watch an care for the 2yr old. 2) You yank the father's *ss up and demand he care for his child. 3) You call BM and you tell her she or the grandparents will have to come pick SS up, that his father is refusing to tend to the child and any thought of 50/50 best be put on hold as the child's father is not capable of having the child.

What you can not do is continue to let the little guy is run around, dirty, unfed and fending for himself without appropriate supervision and care. Nope. That would make you at just as must fault as the child's father. And yes, it is neglect.


Areyou's picture

This is unacceptable. He’s shooting his sperm everywhere but not taking responsibility after the fact. Who does he think he is? He needs to take care of his kids. Unless he’s a sexist lazy pig. Leave the house until he agrees to care for his kids or at least take some parenting classes. There are parenting workshops galore. Don’t put up with this crap. It’s not 1950. Why don’t you take an exercise class that happens right about the same times he likes to nap.

Maxwell09's picture

Ask him if he is with you because he wants you to do his parenting for him or if he actually wants to be your partner (which consists of pulling his weight for his baggage)

Tell him that if he cannot take care of his child during his time then he needs to contact the BM and rearrange their custody schedule to something he can handle. 

You need to reflect: did he just get 50:50 out of pride or did he get it because he actually wanted his rights (and responsibilities) as a dad? Seems odd he would go for 50:50 then opt out of actually being away for this new found time with his child. 

SteppedOut's picture

Is he so tired he is going to sleep at 6pm and not up yet at 10am? 16 hours of sleep? 

Also, have you talked to him about this? Is he the only one currently working and thinks you are to be doing all of the house work and care for all of the children? (I'm not saying that is right...but it seems like this is a common theme.) 

You are going to have to have a very open and honest talk with your husband. Also, if you are not currently working, now may be an excellent time to join the workforce.

witch.hazel's picture

I would videotape and document his sleeping at all hours while his child runs around unsupervised and send it to the BM to help her fight this 50/50. I feel very badly for that two year old who's father is demanding more custody and does not actually want to care for the child. 


SteppedOut's picture

Also, may help in preventing him from getting 50/50 with your child if you decide to leave him.

icanteven's picture

I have many thoughts on this. Others have said most of them. I will simply say again, this is not a person who needs to have 50/50 custody. He is not ready. I do not know him or the way he is toward parenting, if he thinks it is for women, or if he thinks it should be easy, or if he only wants to not pay child support. I do not know this. We all see that he is not ready to parent now. He needs some time to learn this, if he is motivated to learn it. He must show he is committed to this. Sleeping that long time is not showing this. He must do the work for his son. Only then can he consider 50/50. I would not do this work for him because I think he believes you will always do it. That will make you resentful, and it would do for anyone. You take care of your child. If you can talk with his ex and tell her the situation, it could be good. She should know these concerns also.