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Mamasammy's picture

I’ve really had enough with my marriage. My husband doesn’t help me with my child and completely neglects him and my step son when I’m gone. I ran a few errands on Thursday and he said he would watch my son. I put him down for a nap when I left and when I came back my husband said he only slept for thirty minutes. I was gone for two hours. The minute I walked into my house I could smell the stench from my sons diaper. I asked him if he had changed him since I left and he replied no. He was soaked. His clothes were wet and his poop was up his back. Same thing happens with my step son. He doesn’t change him for hours and then he will be soaked from head to toe. His step son doesn’t let me touch him so he won’t let me change him. I tell my husband to and he doesn’t. It’s awful I’m done. He is so lazy and I can’t handle it. We both got awful colds over the weekend and while I’m up running around taking care of my son he’s laying on the couch and going to bed at 6. I ask him to feed my son and he shovels food so fast into my sons mouth because he hates doing it and wants to get it done as quickly as possible. I’m the only one who wakes up in the night with him I’m the only one who bathed him. I have to practically beg him to help me and I’m done. Does anybody have any tips for the first steps to take before a divorce to ensure I get more custody of my son than he will? I want to be able to prove he’s lazy and not an ideal father. Because he isn’t. He neglects my son and his son. Awful. 

amyburemt's picture

everything. keep a log, write it on a calendar with dates times events etc. 

Want2's picture

Oh man this sucks. Totally feel your pain! But the story of my experience with the court 2-3 years ago might not be what you want to hear. Despite the father’s behavior which was similar and even included unexplained absences and all of my meticulous documentation the default was 50/50. All that did was get him out of paying child support because she lives with me full time despite the CO. The evaluator said the only reason the father hadn’t parented properly was because I hadn’t given him the chance!!! Unreal! I felt like I was in the twilight zone. And my pos attorney was no help. Hopefully you’ll get a good attorney it might have made a difference.

 I am just glad I got out. Good luck to you and sorry you’re going through it.

tog redux's picture

He sounds lazy and probably won't want custody unless child support is decreased as a result.  Find out how CS works in your area, it's different everywhere - and then offer him a deal on CS if he agrees to let you have sole custody and take every other weekend visitation. He might just go for it.

I know it seems unfair, but if your first priority is making sure your son isn't left with someone who neglects him, then it's worth it to give up the money.

justmakingthebest's picture

So, while I get what you are saying... is there anyway that you can live seperate but together for a few more years? At the end of the day your H is your son's father. He will have unsupervised visitation. 

You can start you distancing, You can start planning and preparing and saving money so you can leave. BUT if you can wait until your son can call you on a phone. Until he can tell you things. Until you can trust that he can make a peanut butter sandwhich himself... You will feel much safer.

NOTE: If you husband is abusive, if he is violent, etc do not listen to this plan!!

Iamwoman's picture

This here!^^

If you don’t want his father to have visitation or worse, 50/50, don’t divorce him. Just separate.

I would be worried too if I were you in your situation. Any time that man spends with your son will be rife with abuse (shoveling food into his mouth too fast - poor baby!) and neglect. It will take tens of thousands of dollars and years in and out of the court system to prove he neglectful, and by then he will have already emotionally and mentally damaged your son - if not physically too.

 

ndc's picture

Custody will depend in part on where you live.  In my state, it is presumed that shared, 50/50 custody is in the best interest of the children.  In other states the default is for the mother to get primary custody and the father to get parenting time EOWE and a dinner once a week.  

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

What a disgusting jerk! No wonder the BM of his other kid isn’t with him ffs!

Anon9876's picture

I am only making a suggestion as I have not had experiences specific to this one.

Record all behavior in a journal.

Find witnesses to this neglect that could back you up in court and attest to your character.

Get a good lawyer.

Hopefully when you get your divorce the judge will understand why you have full custody.

If not then perhaps since your DH is so lazy he will not take advantage of his visitation time and you will not have to worry about it.

 

pinklove0015's picture

Was he always like this regarding your step son? If so what did you procreate with him?

Mamasammy's picture

When we got married he didn’t have his son but two dahs a week. And only for two hours. As time goes he is getting more custody of him.