full time stepmom
So I became the fulltime stepmom of SS since last August. BG: I have been in his life since he was 4, he is now turning 15. He has always lived with his mom until August when his mom told us to take him because she can't handle him anymore. We live 8 hrs apart so 50/50 or even regular visitation is not happening. Since he came to live with us, his mom is barely in his life anymore. They don't talk much except through text maybe once every 2 weeks. DH and BM do not communicate either. DH and I own a very busy business together and I spend half my day at the office and half at home doing other stuff. DH is barely home. We have 2 young girls together.
My problem is DH has never really parented SS. He is not really an involved parent to any of the kids. He loves them, but doesn't really spend any time with any of them when he is off. His thought is that, when he is not working and he's realxing on the computer at home, he is spending time with us. Every once in a while he will watch a movie or read with our girls. Anyways the reason I'm putting this out there is because I am the main parent to SS. Growing up with his mom, he hardly had any rules, he had no supervision and does not know how to do basic tasks. He does try but usually to no avail. He and I get along fine but lately (last couple of months), I have just been so overwhelmed with all that he is lacking and how no one is there to guide him through life. I have no time, nor do I want to devote myself to his cause. I have my girls and my work and our family/home to tend to. I am so fruistrated with the lack of parental support from DH and BM. I don't know what to do. I have tried to talk to DH about it many times but he gets offended that I won't do for SS what I will do and continue to do for the girls. I am resentful that I am handed this entitled, clueless, annoying, disgusting teenager to have to mold into a normal human. Like some kids, he is dirty, leaves dirty laundry everywhere, leaves wrappers with leftover food/candy on the floor, soda cans everywhere. Yes, when I see it, I make him clean it up and he does. But I don't want to be the one to do this. I can't just leave my house littered with garbage just to have DH tell SS about it when he gets home. I am at the end of my rope. What are some options?