Terrible weekend and I think we're going to be over very shortly.
It started friday. We were supposed to have a child-free weekend finally after I cant remember how long. But i get home friday after work and find ss13 laying around eating icecream. apparently his mother is coming to pick him up at some point so i offer him the rest of my pizza from lunch and we wait for her to show. FH is off in another suburb with ss12 for his second hockey event of the day and wasn't home. Now, did I screw up or is it them here....ss13 gets haranged by his mom for like 20 minutes about coming to get him and 'where's your father.' the kid was visibly upset and confused. so when she finished her first barrage of calls i say i'll drive you over ok, no problem. but's like, no my mom's coming. so he waits and waits and she calls and texts him all the while and he's completely confused so he goes out and waits outside for her cuz he thinks she's here. Long story short, bm texts my fh to have him get the kid. So here i am, a capable adult with a 7-passenger vehicle and a drivers license, but i get completely ignored so fh can take the kid. So i'm upset...not angry, HURT...hurt that i always get cut out, ignored and made to feel like crap. So i get in my pj's and say screw it, adult night is now officially over. FH comes in and wonders why i'm not dressed and i tell him i'm in for the night...so he immediately cops an attitude, instead of finding out WHY i'm upset. He says he's hungry and goes out. I'm hurt and gutted that he's more worried about stuffing his fat face than the fact that my heart has been ripped out yet again, so i grab an overnight bag and head out to my mom's house out of town. i call fh on the way and say i'm going away cuz i'm so hurt and nobody cares(i was sobbing and hysterical by now)...so I'm driving all crazy with him yelling at me on the phone, I start hyperventilating and have to pull over to take my meds. As i drove, i calmed down some and called fh to tell him i was coming home to talk. So we talk and he wasn't aware that i was cut out, yadda yadda yadda..but i said that everybody knew i was home including him...there is no reason why i couldn't have just driven him instead of fh having to come all the way home from hockey, pick up ss and drive him to bm's. I could have dropped him off before fh got home and we could have a good night.
FH doesn't get it. he thinks i overreacted much and that i get bitchy and angry with him unfairly and without him knowing why. i can kind of see his point but wouldn't you all react kinda similar if you were living a life of feeling excluded/cutout? Wouldn't you feel angry and hurt and probably not handle things the best way? he makes it out like it's all my fault!
So then Saturday was supposed to be day 2 of our child-free weekend, but fh demands to know what my plans are for the day. You see if we do not have a firm agenda, he goes to the skids hockey games or he brings them over to the house...he figured i'd go see my mom and he could have the skids come over while I was gone, even though it wasn't our day. The way he is just astounds me it's so lame!!! I get so angry and hurt and frustrated...and cornered...that i need to have solid plans for us OR ELSE he'll go watch the kids games and if I go see my mom(who's still recovering btw)he has the skids over. its like he's just waiting for me to screw up or leave so he can be with who he really wants--his kids. And i never know for sure if it's because he wants to be with them or if he wants to be around bm.
So we got into it saturday night and again early sunday morning. he thinks i overreact to everything and i'm a terrible horrible person because I don't go to hockey. with him being as obsessed as he is with hockey, i've been afraid that if i give an inch on it he'll take a mile so i stay firm. he diminishes everything i do with the kids because i don't go to hockey--all my other things like teaching them to do laundry/cook mean nothing...but then he'll turn around and say he didn't say that. Do y'all know what gaslighting is? I think he's doing it to me and it's making me crazy, and physically sick.
He doesnt know i spent saturday calling about apartments and trying to find a new place to live. i love this man with all my heart, but everybody who knows me says he isn't treating me right (although fh always rebuts that saying i don't treat him right). everybody has noticed the weight i've lost and everyone is concerned.
I do love fh but I know he's not giving me what I need. I try to explain to him what I need but it's like talking to the wall. He rebuts everything and turns it all around that i'm the bad guy. And all of it in his mind stems from my not going to hockey. He wants us to do more stuff together--I agree with this, we do need to do more together but he works 3rd shift so 4 nights a week are out of the question, there has been mondo hockey on the weekend so most of the weekends are out...plus he doesn't like my friends (cuz they stick up for me) so he doesn't want to go to their house or do stuff with their husbands. I feel just trapped between a rock and a hard place.
FH has offered to sell the house so I can pick out one that's 'mine' and he's done other things to try to make me more comfortable but we haven't followed up on them because I've been afraid of being 'the bad guy' yet again. Oh super, LT is making the skids move out of their home into a new one, that bitch! Oh great, she's making everyone obey boundaries of no bm in my house--LT is such a bitch! I'm just not assertive enough to demand the things I want because I want people to like me...but the downside is it's killing me and destroying my relationship.
Y'all are so wonderful and know so much about this stuff. Could anyone offer some advice, guidance, support or even just a friendly good wish? I feel so alone and my heart is breaking because I just don't know what to do. We have an emergency counseling appointment for Monday and I hope it helps one way or another.
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Wow.
Gosh, I feel so bad for you. You know, on the one hand, he says he wants to spend time with you, but on the other hand he doesn't keep your kid-free weekends kid free and bullies you so that if there's one hour that isn't structured, he'll go find something he'd rather do. That's really awful. It's clear he has not made you a priority in his life.
A guy who really loved you the way you need to be loved wouldn't walk out of the house when you're clearly in distress.
I would suggest that you leave for a while. At least a week or two. It would be good for you to be able to think without him terrorizing you all the time. Frankly, what he's doing sounds like emotional abuse. And I've been through that, it can be even worse than physical abuse. Emotional abuse breaks you down so you can't stick up for yourself and you doubt that you have the right to feel the way you feel. From reading your blog, it sounds like that's what's happening to you.
Seek help from your friends and family. If he doesn't like your friends, you're probably not spending a lot of time with them, right? They can be a lot of help to you right now.
Good luck, and keep us posted! BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
you really nailed it
I keep saying that someone who loves me right wouldn't do the things he does. I know love. My exH loved me to death...he had mental problems to some degree so I couldn't be healthy/happy with him, but he did love me as much as he possibly could...which makes this one look that much worse.
Yesterday his mother went to the hospital and so fh went to see her. He didn't say for me to go or stay, but he'd previously thrown in my face how much he'd done for me and how he'd gone to my mom's hospital a zillion times...so I just decided to go. He was not very friendly at first and I asked if he wanted me there or not...but he softened. His sister and mom really like me...is too bad he treats me like garbage.
You're right about the abuse issues here...there was an incident of physical too a couple of months ago. It wasn't 'that bad' but he did have his hands on me and left bruises from where he'd grabbed me. He's supposedly ashamed and what not and is in counseling, but it doesn't erase the fact that there are layers of abuse here that he refuses to fix or acknowledge. Even that day he grabbed me, he blames me and says I "pushed him" to do that because I was so mouthy. The funny thing is his exW is incredibly mouthy and a horrible person but he never laid a hand on her...lucky me.
I am realizing each day how not-right this relationship is for me and how terribly I'm being treated, despite him twisting it around to make it all my fault.
I'm still planning to get out and I can move on with my life.
I really appreciate everyone's support cuz this is very very hard
Physical
Oooohhhhh, I had an incident of physical abuse with my ex-H once, too. He said EXACTLY the same stuff your H said: that it was my fault because I provoked him by being mouthy and he had to show me the consequences. The fact that he said that, and continued to insist that it was true, hurt me and was even more shocking than the physical abuse. He even said it in front of the counselor -- he never admitted that there was absolutely no excuse for it. And so, there was no way I could ever be 100% sure he'd never do it again.
Frankly, I think abusive guys like that need to be in total control, and they can't handle any relationship where they have to adjust their worldview to take another's needs into account. I also think they're so insecure that they take your needs as a challenge to their identity -- which is what causes them to be so violent. I don't think you can combat that, because basically, in a relationship with someone like that, it's always win-lose: in order for your needs to "win", it means he (his ego, his role as the most important one) loses.
Keep blogging, lil-teapot -- we're listening!
BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
wow, you sooo know him!
That's exactly how it is....he has to win every confrontation, every discussion, etc. He looks at it at a battle to win at any cost. He fights completely unfair and uses every dirty thing he knows to make me feel small.
I understand why you were
upset. he should have called you and asked you to drive SS. It is not up to BM who drops the child/ren off, its up to you guys.
Try your best not to let BM ruin your weekend. I know your H should have called you, for that he is at fault. But if BM wouldn't have started this mess you could have had a good night. She won that round. Don't let her get the next.
A suggestion--this might not be an option for you since you are not very assertive. But next time this happens could you take the phone from SS and offer to drive him home? Say something like "oh I am sorry the driving is an issue today. I will drop him off right now, it is not a problem."
fh claims he was being nice to me
so i wouldn't have to run out again...and some nonsense about the skid being 'his responsibility.' I can see his point and I get it. But it doesn't erase the fact that I am in pain. It makes me physically sick and breaks my heart that I am treated so badly. It's like I go home from work and stop existing.
BM won because fh wants her to win. He does everything she wants and he does it without being mean. He knew I was home, she knew I was home but I don't exist. FH said he wouldn't call her house and ask her partner to drop fh's kid off at our house...I see the logic he's going with there...bm's partner isn't that involved w/them plus he's the guy she was screwing that broke up their marriage. But I'm an innocent person getting the crappy end of the deal here and it's not fair.
LilT
Why is it always your responsibility to plan things for the weekend for the two of you to do? This is one of the complaints I had with my ex. He would always leave everything up to me. I talked about this in counseling and told him that (even though it might seem like a little thing) it was a lot of pressure on me to always be the one coming up with a plan. Your FH needs to participate a little more in that area. He needs to use his imagination and make plans for the two of you as well, but it seems like if you didn't make plans, well he's just going to go off and do his own thing. He also needs to remember that just because HE is a hockey nut, you don't have to be. My ex was a NASCAR buff and he was upset that I didn't like it like he did. When a race was on I ceased to exist.
It's unfair of FH to always put the onus on you. And if everyone around you is telling you that he isn't treating you right, maybe you should really listen to what they're saying.
((((HUGS))))
he has excuses
that he's tired from working 3rd shift and doesn't know what he wants to do so I should help ease his load of troubles by making decisions. Maybe the ex told him what to do and he likes that, but he knows thats not how I am. He knew that before we moved in together.
The hockey thing is really plaguing me to death because even if we are kid-free and go to dinner or something, he also wants to "pop in" on their game for 10 minutes. It's just sick and obsessive!!! Seriously, he has them for at least part of the day EVERYDAY. He goes to 98 percent of their games/practices. Why for the love of god does he need to "pop in" when it's adult time??!! It's just demented. And the kicker is I heard yesterday from his sister that the skids will be doing a different hockey this next season with new teams...but it's way, way more time consuming than now!! How can that even be possible?! What's even more frustrating is that fh knows this and didn't mention it to me. I feel like he tricked me into living with him and is still tricking me into doing what he wants and that's why I won't do anything.
You're right I'm gonna start listening to everyone who says he doesn't treat me right becasue he doesn't! He does do nice things and takes care of me but it's not consistent...I'm not here to badmouth him or make it out like I'm perfect. He does do good things, but the amount of crap he puts me though and the very basic, bottom line crappy way he makes me feel outweighs the good stuff.
wow I'm so sorry to hear all this LT :(
I can only imagine you must be hurting a great deal right now
I think taking some time off is a good idea, give you both some perspective.
((hugs))
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
I completley think
leaving is the best thing. I'm having heart problems, I think I've got an ulcer and my panic attacks are starting to get out of control .
He turns that around
and says I'm using him for 'the lifestyle'. It's laughable! I gave up my single life in a nice condo with all my stuff and basically a life of luxury to live in the house he shared w/his ex, that the skids wreck and dirty up constantly, that I have to help maintain...
I actually laughed when he said that.
I agree with Cruella
If he isn't on your side now and openly scoffs at the idea that he isn't listening. Then it isn't going to change after you get married. If he says that you are going to have a kid-free weekend and he is trying to spend time with them anyways, it is not going to change.
I am not an assertive person either and I married a guy that did not get better after marriage. It isn't worth the heartache.
However, you say you love him. I respect that. Move out and demand more from him. If he doesn't then you will see and know what the next step is.
I'm glad you get it
cuz sometimes people in my life don't understand why I stay. I love him and want it to work, but it's just so hard to stay...and it's hard to leave. But he's making me sick all the time.
I am definitely leaving...he mockes me though when I bring it up and say I need more because i'm unhappy and want to leave...he says, "oh is THIS time for real?" and laughs. He can be incredibly cruel. But the joke's gonna be on him cuz when I leave this time and actually take everything, I am not coming back ever.
I feel for you, I have felt
I feel for you, I have felt all the same things. I wonder how we are ever supposed to feel like their one and only when we can really never be their one and only. When our men have a family with someone else and BM is quite involved, where do we fit in? May I ask why you don't go to hockey? Is is because she is there? It sounds like they have a family thing going on and you are on the side fighting to be heard. I know one thing, men don't change. And it sounds like he has no problem with the little family he's got going on with BM and kids. And I have found that when my DH does'nt understand my feelings its because he doesnt think I should feel that way! Well, we do, we can't help it. You feel second. It is simple. Now, can you really live like this? I know after being a second wife/stepmother that I would never wish it on my daughter or neice, or any young girl I care about. It is too painful for some, there has to be alot, and I mean alot of really good stuff between you and FH to counter all the crap.
That's really part of it
My exH loved and adored me to death. He suffers from a mental illness that I can't cope with, so that's why we wound up apart. I knew though, and still do know, that he loves me with all his heart and if he could have been a better person and not been 'broken' we would have had a great life together. (fyi his illness isn't the kind that one could accept or live with because it disrupts relationships...I don't want to offend anyone who is a family member of anyone mentally ill. Mental illness doesn't make someone unloveable, there are just various diseases that makes it impossible to have a stable relationship.)
Anyway, you really have nailed it when you said that he's happy with what he's got going on with bm and their kids and I've always felt like I've disrupted the apple cart by setting boundaries, not allowing her in my home, etc. I feel like the bad guy because they are happy in their dysfunction...and no matter how he paints it, it is dysfunction. He goes and shakes hands and talks with the guy who was screwing his then-wife behind his back--the guy she left him for and is now living with. So now the 3 of them go to the hockey games and watch the skids, but this same guy who took bm from her family(or however you want to word that cuz she's to blame too)wont' allow them alone in "his" house. So for all their weird sicko dysfunctions, I'm the bad guy. It's not fair or right.
I don't know fully why i don't go to hockey. Part of it is that he's obsessive and if I give an inch he'll take a mile. I feel like if I go, he'll demand more and more and more.
Do you get along with your
Do you get along with your stepkids? I don't know all the details about your situation...but I'm just wondering, if you have kids of your own and they played hockey, then would you go to all their games? If hockey is such an important part of your DHs and the kids lives, why do you refuse to go? This is by no means a judgment, just trying to understand where you're coming from in regards to that part of it. As far as the giving the ride to your SS, that would be irritating. Why didn't you just call your DH & tell him you will take SS home so to tell BM?
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
we get along great
i realize that they may subconsciously hate me as the reason their parents will never get back together...i've heard that all skids have some hatred toward us deep down, so i've learned to be ok with that. i think though, on the surface they do care about me but feel torn sometimes between the 'good' me and the 'bad' birthmother. I do fun things with them, but also teach them and spend time listening to them and interacting. they tell me heaps of stuff that neither of their parents know. i know bm hates that and she hates me...she knows i'm as strong willed as her and am not going to bow down to her ever so she just despises me. And i know she pumps the kids for info on us and tries ways to make me suffer because i know i'm the person she wishes she could be. that probably sounds way conceited, but i think its true...she wishes she could be me in alot of ways. she chose to dump her kids/husband years before she even had the affair because she put her job first, and i've always put people first.
Anyways, i would have called fh and had him take ss, but after ss was barraged with bm's texts/phonecalls, i figured i'd make it worse to get involved. She's very unstable and very very ill-tempered. The skids hate being with her as it is, i don't want to make it worse or make her angrier.
I'm with ya, girl...
LilT, I used to get this all the time with ADULT (pushing 30) "kids". Believe me, it has gotten better, but I was certainly where you are.
I remember one Father's Day, we were just married, and he decided that he was just going to sit on his "daddy daddy" recliner and wait for the phone to ring "just in case" any of them wanted to take him out to eat. I couldn't believe it. Of course, it was MY FAULT because I didn't make any plans with him before. But, he would rather wait "just in case" they decided to call. Obviously, "they" came first.
I was so hurt. He did this to me on a Labor Day, too. We were working out in the yard (NO KIDS, not that this should be an issue since his are ADULTS and mine is a teen who doesn't need to be entertained round the clock.) Out of the blue, he decides he wants to go play basketball with his 26 year old daughter (who chain smokes...REAL athlete...) and her latest "slam" (who has since dumped her, of course). I could have PUKED. We had a whole day to do whatever we wanted, just hang out and work in the yard...but NO, if adult D wanted "daddy" for the day, he was going.
My solution, T? I lay the law down BIG TIME. I got a part time job on the weekends (not that we need the money), this way he can have all the "daddy daddy" time he needs. Amazingly, once I did this, he no longer felt the "need" to hang out with his "kids". My thought was "if you don't want me around, then I'll hang out with people who DO." It's AMAZING how attractive you become when you're less AVAILABLE!!
I agree with you that he is messing with your head. Totally. It is clearly a CONTROL issue where he can say you are being "unstable" and, ultimately, get to do whatever he wants.
Been there, too.
Vent away, but also keep looking for that apartment or whatever.
When he knows you really MEAN it, he'll wake the hell up. And SCREW HIM if he doesn't "like" you....I LIKE YOU and so do many others, so HIS LOSS!!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
Thanks k.k.
It's sooo frustrating knowing he's screwing with my head but being powerless to stop him.
That's also what's so maddening too how he caters to their every whim. It's got to be the guilt thing because I know couples who are together who have biokids and they don't get guilted into nearly as much as divorced parents do.
I'm trying to be less available, but he likes it just fine...he likes having his little hockey group and me whenever we have time for us...of course he bitches alot about me not being available enough, but doesn't do anything to change it.
thanks for what you said, it really helps!
ugh
That is just nauseating. BM should have no say in how her son gets home if she can't be bothered to pick him up herself. You should have called FH and told him that you and SS were in the car and en route to BM's house so that he didn't have any other choice.
From the sounds of it, you really need to tell FH that your relationship with him needs to be a top priority. Maybe what you could do about the hockey thing is strike a compromise. If you go to hockey this week, next weekend HAS to be a you-and-him-only activity with no hockey or skids. that way, either way you're spending time with your FH. I'm not trying to judge or criticize but why are you never at any of SS's hockey games? If its because of BM, just keep in mind that if you don't go to hockey, you're giving FH and BM time to hang out without you (which would NEVER EVER under any circumstances, fly with me!). If its about you hating hockey or any other form of sports, go just as a gesture of support to SS. Assuming you have a good relationship with him, I'm postive that he'll appreciate it
Best of luck with the counseling session! Remember that your needs have to be met too!
i know i need to be more assertive
That's part of my deal...had we actually been engaged, and planning a wedding, i would have used my 'power.' But it's hard when i feel like just some girl who lives in their house who takes care of the kids while dads at work. Bm reinforced that train of thinking in me over many months by barging in to my home until I completely flipped out on her and fh...i think i scared them both and they think i'm nuts.lol
It sounds like i need to go to hockey at some point, you're right. I would like to support the skids, but often i feel like it really doesn't matter to them if i was there or not, ever. I don't worry so much about bm and fh being at hockey together because he doesn't want to be with her, although I don't trust that she doesnt' want to string him along or try to win him back on the side or something sneaky...but her oldman is there most of the time--probably cuz he doesn't trust her either(they're both cheats). I think I'll have to see if fh will give me time alone if I do a hockey night...maybe that'll work.
Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it!
RUN
In my experience the BM only gets worse AFTER you get married.
Also, it is a form of abuse if you are telling him that something hurts you and he just dismisses it. There needs to be compromise coming from him. After all, these are HIS kids. You are being gracious enough to take on the toughest job of being a step-mother!
I don't know if you are of this mind set, but several of my friends had this notion (and I did too at one point, but we had this notion that we would make this tremendous difference. They somehow when they had a normal rational female in their lives that they would see the light, the heavens would open and angels would pour down to "fix" everything. WAKE-UP CALL TO ME! None of that happened. I had to and continue to have to fight on every single battle. My husband rarely steps up to the plate. And when I'm honest with myself, I still feel or wonder if he married me to have a nanny for the weekends that they visit.
No matter how nasty and rude or dysfunctional BM is, the kids will ALWAYS love her more! And after months of talking to a counselor, I also found out that skids will often times hate the step-mother if they are better than the BM. At first I thought this sounded strange, but after the counselor explained it all, it made perfect sense.
If I had known then, what I know now, I would have run like the wind!
Best of luck to you. This is not an easy road to travel.
I know what you mean
I'm having that lightbulb moment even now. I dont' see this getting better. Plus fh is demanding i do hockey soon, or else...or else what? He's gonna make my life more miserable?lol Or worse, leave me? Please, that would be a relief.lol I think he knows his threats dont get to me, but it does hurt when he threatens that our relationship would end because that would actually be what hurt.
I feel in my heart, that he got me to move in with him around the time that he was starting on 3rd shift...and that meant w/o me around, he'd have to leave the kids at bm's for the week until the weekend...and he would suffer. He actually first asked me to move in back in March, before I renewed my apartment lease...he knew it was a little early to move in but he figured why sign a years lease if we were 'eventually' going to move in anyways. But I renewed anyways, thinking that I could keep my place 'just in case' and I wasn't ready to move in. What threw that all off was the fact that my mom got sick and was starting cancer treatment in September...the same time he was put on nights. My brother had died from cancer in June, so I was already distraught and it was getting impossible to deal with two houses and a sick parent...so I thought it easier to just move in with fh...and I could see that he'd benefit by having me around to watch his kids at night. It was kind of a win-win situation. But i wound up feeling like just the nanny here. It makes me sick. The way he smiles and dotes on these little beasts is nauseating...especially when I think how good I've been to him, and he rarely smiles or is nice to me. It makes me very resentful.
i' think leaving is exactly the right thing. I'm tired of the insecurity, instability and suffering. I'm ready to get out.
ummmmm....
I just have to ask, cuz I have no clue....what is "gaslighting"?
"Sooner or later, everyone's bill comes due"
Gaslighting
Is when someone tries to make you believe you did or didn't do something in order to make you question your stability. That's just one example. It happens all the time in my relationship. And it does drive you mad, whether you believe it or not.
LT, I am so sorry that you are going through this. We have such similar situations in that we keep telling ourselves we are leaving, then don't. It's such a hard decision, because - like you - if I leave, I will NEVER come back. And don't you love "Oh this time it's for real?". I get, "you won't do it, you always say you will, but you'll never leave". Like it's a game or something. My thoughts are with you and know that you have someone else here in a similar position. We are at about the same point on the walk out meter. Good luck and don't hesitate to message me if you want to chat.
That's it exactly!!
I've reached the point that no amount of sweet talk or counseling will work...if I can arrange to get out of here into a better life, i will never, ever look back.
What you said is exactly why I get frustrated...he acts like it's all a big game for attention...that I pack and leave just for the drama. Its completely not that at all. I get fed up and decide to get out, even for a day or so, but my love brings me back. Plus I've invested so much time and love and stuff into him, I feel like I don't want to just throw it away. But I'm coming to see that there are things here that will never be ok for me...such as the impending increase in hockey next season. So think i am about ready to call it quits. I deserve a better life than this.
I will definitely message you and I hope that you're standing strong with your plan to leave. I don't know about you, but at this point, I don't see it as a matter of 'if' but 'when'.
big hugs!
When I got fed up with my H
When I got fed up with my H a few months ago I sent him a very businesslike email since talking to him didn't seem to be doing any good. I did not accuse him of anything, just that I felt unappreciated and that I thought he was "disappointed in me" by the way he was treating me and since we were both unhappy I thought we should separate. It was brief, 2 paragraphs or so, and at the end I said:
"I still care about you and wish you the best"
I think the blood drained out of his face when he read it. He didn't even want to talk about it. But since then he's been treating me great.
Sometimes I tease him and say "I still care about you and wish you the best" with a big smile on my face, lest he forget!
I know how sad and frustrating it is when your partner ignores your feelings. Maybe writing to your H and having him see the situation in black and white would help, it helped me.
I think I'll try it
I'm going to just try to get by for a few days w/o any more 'talks.' They're leaving Thursday so I probably won't have to see him or the skids at all that day...and they'll be gone until Sunday night(late). So I'll have peace and quiet and be able to think a bit more clearly.
I might make a list of things I need from him so he can see it in black and white...and a list of changes I see looming(i.e. more hockey). Hopefully he'll get it and be able to follow through and maybe understand better why I'm upset. I kinda doubt it...therapy helps somewhat but men don't always 'get it.' Part of why I'm upset is that I don't see the hockey thing getting better and us having any more time...in fact, I see it getting worse...plus, fh hasn't given me 'the ring' yet or done the things I need in order to want to become this hockey mom he wants...why would I do hockeymom stuff when I'm technically 'just the girlfriend'?