Does BM get mad and throw fit when you do something for her kid
I called and made a appointment and fixed my step d teeth, all 8 cavities. Nothing was said because she though dh done all that, although he works all the time and doesn't have the time. So I made her a appointment and got her braces. Dh did come to this one. I took a photo and checked in the office on Facebook because it gave her points towards a card the office issued her to buy things with. Bm saw it on Facebook and threw a damn fit because she thought I was putting her down. I was not trying to put her down. I know she works hard and tries her best for her kids. I saw a opportunity to use dh and her insurance to get my step kid teeth fixed so she won't be so embarrest of her smile, as she told me so. Both the insurances covered most of the fee except about 2k which will be paid out of dh paycheck. I was just trying to do something nice for my step daughter because I love her too. Nothing is ever said when Bm's husband does anything for her. The kid had 8 black spots in her mouth. Besides, she has another kid that needs the teeth fixed so why don't she get that kids teeth fixed and be thankful. I think dh and her are great parents and the kid is very fortunate to have 4 parents that love her but someone doesn't want me to be apart.
You are damned if you do and
You are damned if you do and damned if you don't. If I did something for my skids, BM was pissed. If I didn't do something for my skids, BM was pissed. It's a no win situation. BUT her DH could do what ever he wanted or not do what ever he wanted and it was okay, because in her mind, he was a "real" parent, I was not.
Ditto on the Damned if you
Ditto on the Damned if you do/don't.
My DSO is CP. I did all the leg work to get SD braces ( I actually did all the dental/medical bc DSO doesn't get much paid vacation time, I work 3 12hr days a weeks so have the time).
The ortho said that she had to be seen once a month and he was only in our town 2 days a week, 2 days that I always work. I invited BM to be a part of the braces and asked her if she would take over the appts so I didn't have to use vacation time. She was appreciative and thanked me for allowing her to be a part of it.
Until 2 months later. She started forgetting about appts, or had some excuse to not take her. She would text or call DSO a half hour before the appt and expect one of us to just leave work and handle it. He and I told her that if she wanted to help, she had to do it, or I would handle it 100% and just take her to ortho's office in other town.
SD just got her braces off. A mutual friend was visiting BM that day and heard her tell SD that is was my F*%&ing idea for BM to have to do all of the appts.
True. One of the "great"
True. One of the "great" parents should have cared enough to take a day off work to care for the kids health.
Also, when I did something for the skids, I never highlighted the fact. She always found out from the skids.
One of my example was, if I bought the skids clothes or shoes, she was pissed claiming I was trying to "buy" the skids. If I didn't buy the skids clothes, she was pissed and would tell the skids I was responsible to clothe them too!
I disengaged, because I was in a no win situation.
It all didn't happen over
It all didn't happen over night . She had four appointments before she was take. To the ortho. The first was the cleaning then the rest was seperate times to fix the teeth. She was very happy and after I saw her taking the time to take care of her teeth I then made appointment for her. She seems to be on top of it now that she is a teen.
In stepmomland, no good deed
In stepmomland, no good deed goes unpunished.
I used to detangle Dominatrix's wild, curly blonde hair so that it would look decent.
Pissed the Girhippo right off!!
I believe something like that
I believe something like that should have been discussed with the BM by the father, prior to any appointments. It's overstepping in my opinion.
I'm a BM and SM, and I would never do something like that for SS without discussing it with DH and him discussing it with BM first, and her agreeing for you to take your SD if she was too busy.
I would also be upset if my bios SM took it upon herself to take my kids. Of course, I'm a good mother and do all of that myself with no need for her to feel like she needed to step in to begin with.
She knew but I guess she
She knew but I guess she thought he was taking her. She text her insurance information for us to use.
Oh, Ok, I thought it was done
Oh, Ok, I thought it was done without BM knowledge. Then she should have been grateful for your help, but they usually aren't. I do as little as possible for SS because no one appreciates what I do, actually they just complain that I'm mean or don't agree with how I do something etc. DH says he's grateful, but doesn't stand up to others on my behalf, so I quit/disengaged as much as possible.
He does get onto her for
He does get onto her for brushing and he made some of the appointments but not all. I scheduled the appointment because I knew they wouldn't. I think Bm got mad because I took the photo
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A little girl that I've known
A little girl that I've known for 6 years now came to me for help she said no one is gonna do it for her. I talked to my husband and he told me to do it for him if I don't mind. He asked her mom to put me on the school pick up list. She knew I had part but I guess when she saw the photo it downed on her or maybe made her feel bad. I sorta felt like her mom should have been there but she wasn't. Maybe she will step up and volunteer to take her to some of the tightening appointments.
I agree to a point Echo.
I agree to a point Echo. Someone has to step up and do what is medically necessary. Also, not everyone gets paid time off. My DSO can lose $200 bucks in that week for missing a day of work. While DSO provides 100% of the costs for his kids, that puts the burden on me to cover more of the bills or groceries. So, IMO, I'd rather do the appts then stress on money.
She is actually me in my situation, but I did force BM to do all of the monthly appts, I still got shit for 'making' Mom do it.
lesson learned - block BM on
lesson learned - block BM on your FB and all her croonies, never post pictures of SD on your FB...
what BM does not know will not hurt her - this is how Aergia and my relationship went to shit a couple of years ago..
BM found out I bought her something she was really interested in, BM came back in the picture and suddenly I was the evil spirit... I disengaged,
Don't let BM see your stuff.
Don't let BM see your stuff. You will never be able to fix why she gets upset about these things but you can remove the stuff she sees that might upset her. It's like poking the bear except it's the bear looking for something to get poked by. Remove the sharp objects like Facebook posts and check ins and BM won't have anything to fight about. It's her insecurity about being a bad parent that made her lash out and there's nothing you can do or not do to make her feel like a better mom.
Meh, who cares if BM tossed a
Meh, who cares if BM tossed a fit. It's a FB photo... if you didn't want to chance BM getting her panties in a twist, you shouldn't have posted it.
The kid's teeth are now standing a half chance. It's done. Over. BM's fee-fees will recover. She didn't like you anyway, so what's the difference now?
If you were expecting a big ol' show of undying gratitude and bowing at your feet, pfft. You knew it wouldn't ever happen. You didn't do it for kudos, you did it for the kid. H*ll, neither parent had any intentions of stepping up and getting it done. But Dad did agree to letting you do it, he scheduled some of the appointments, he attended the brace consult and he's covering what insurance doesn't. So it's not like you just ran renegade with the kid without knowledge and approval... ignore and move on. BM will survive.
Yes, BM would get angry when
Yes, BM would get angry when I did something for the skid. Usually it was because she was trying to get extra money out of DH.
SD(then 18) was away at Uni. DH and I spoke to SD about coming home for Xmas. She asked if DH could please get her a ticket BM couldn't afford it, no problem. I got on the computer booked a flight and emailed SD the info.
BM called DH asked how he'd managed to book a flight without a credit card (shed ruined both their credit) and he stupidly told her I'd done it online for him. He paid me back immediately.
She freaked out and said I had no buisness doing anything for Their daughter. Turns out she'd told SD that the flight was going to be double what I'd paid for it and was planning on getting the money from DH. Who would have given it to her without asking for a receipt.
Same thing with car insurance, dentist, school supplies, you name it she would double the price and tell DH to pay up. He started saying No, I'll just buy it for them myself. He then told the skids that if they needed anything they had to ask him, if BM asked on their behalf they wouldn't be getting it.
When I met my SS8, then 2..
When I met my SS8, then 2.. he needed 8 caps because his teeth were rotten out. He had a surgical procedure scheduled but BM missed it 3x! So very soon into the relationship I scheduled the surgery and DH came with me . He got 8 caps on his teeth (we call them robot teeth ) . BM had been banned from the dentist when i was introduced to SS dentist . She didn't show up for the surgery when we took him and was mad at me and DH for taking him . But you know what? I'm not typically this crude - but who GIVES A CRAP whose feelings get hurt when it comes to a child's health! I'd say "it wasn't my intention to hurt your feelings "and not give it another thought .
I never post anything on face
I never post anything on face book about my sd. I never post any pictures with her in. I am not friends with BM and have my Facebook set to friends only but I do not want to take the risk of causing drama. It is not worth it. My husband posts stuff and tags me in things occasionally but that is up to him to do. If you wanted the discount you could have gotten your husband to post it, if he didn't want to then that is up to him as he is paying for it.
Just keep doing what you are happy to do for your husband and ignore BM but do not post anything more to Facebook about your sd and do not interact with BM at all. It is the best way to go.
Our version of this was from
Our version of this was from SpermGrandHag. She would harrass SS incessently when he would show up for SpermLand visitation with quality clothes/things that they could not afford to provide for he and his 3 younger also out of wedlock SpermIdiot spawned half sibs by 2 other baby mamas.
And when SpermGrandHag would take issue over SS's quality clothing, etc... I would agree with her and highlight the failures of she and her waste of skin son to step up and provide. My recognition of their failures to provide and parent shut them up in a hurry. The truth shuts people like your SD's BM up in a hurry. Try it.
I would not tolerate her crap were I you and I would make it a point to let BM know that yes, she is failing to care adequatly for her daughther and yes, she is a waste of skin abject failure of a parent.
But, maybe that is just how I would deal with it. }:) }:) }:)