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Big productions on Mothers day about BM

SweetMom's picture

Been getting step daughter 15 since she was 8 taking and carring for her clothing needs, make up and other bs things, big one is the dentist appointments with braces not to mention the 7 cavities before the 2 years of braces. Her mother never involved in and all school enrollments and clothes shopping.  All my extra time watching her through the years while her dad worked 12 hour shifts. Anyway, mother’s day nothing about me but all over social media her mom was mother of the year glitz glammed and doggy ears. The kid is coming over after school for another dr appointment I’m taking her too or else she wouldn’t be going and to spend the night so I get up and take her to school. Step Moms do not get recognized. Step dads do but not step moms. 2 more years of this bs role 

hereiam's picture

Does your husband, at least, acknowledge you for everything that you do for him and his daughter? He should, and he should teach his daughter to, as well.

I did not do all of those things for my SD, so I don't really care, but you do a lot and they should both appreciate it.

Goodluck's picture

Why are you behaving like this childs bio mother AND father.

The reason your not being thanked or recognized is because they are using you.

HAND BACK THE tourch to the bio parents.

STOP DOING ALL THIS... The bio parents are required to take care of their daughter.

Start today Ring ring...HEY DH--remember your daughter has a doc appointment this afternoon. IF you cant take her you will have to call BM. I wont be around to help.

 

tog redux's picture

Yep, OP, none of this is your job. Stop doing it.

A young kid is not going to appreciate a stepparent.  Perhaps she will when she is older, but for now, the Mommy that she senses doesn't care much about her is going to get all of her love and attention. 

Cbarton12's picture

Why are doing so much? A lot of this sounds like it needs to be handled by the bio parents. 

And unfortunately no matter how horrid and uninvolved BM is, she will always be her mother and that's a tough connection to sever. Many kids idolize their moms no matter how shitty. 

 

I'm sorry but hope at least your husband recognizes all that you do. 

Myss.Tique D'Off's picture

I hope your DH at least thanks you for your effort with his daughter. He should be grateful every day, not just Mother's Day.

I know it hurts to get shoved aside for BM when you put in all the effort, but I think this is more the norm than the exception. (Still doesn't make it right though, but such is life in step world.)

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Nobody appreciates a martyr until long after they're dead.

It stinks, and I'm sorry you're hurting, but you do have some responsibility here because you've allowed your H, his ex, and his kid to treat you like the help. If you choose to be a doormat, can you really blame people for wiping their feet on you?

Change starts with changing your own thinking, standards, and behaviors. Did you tell your H ahead of time that you expected to be celebrated on Mother's Day? Offer suggestions for how your like the day to go? 

Nice guys finish last in steplife, and you have to command respect in order to get it. If the current arrangement isn't working for you, it's your right to tell your H you resign as nanny. Explain that being ignored on MDay was hurtful and the last straw, so it's time to recalibrate things and going forward you won't be interfering in his parenting anymore.

 

flmomma08's picture

Stop doing all those things - they are parenting duties that the bio parents are responsible for.

I didn't get any recognition from SD on mother's day either, and it stung a little bit so I get it, but at the end of the day skids are loyal to their BM and I get that too.

In your situation, I would definitely step back and leave the parenting to the parents.

Sanfranciscobaby's picture

I know. That’s why you need to recognize the kids who love you, the biokids. I only post my biokids on mother’s day. It’s sad but DH doesn’t even message his stepmom on mother’s day and she’s a pretty awesome lady.

Jcksjj's picture

Dads in general dont have to do much other than show up to get praised. Moms get analyzed and nitpicked in ways that dads hardly ever do. But at least as a bio mom you have the kids that love you and you get the joy of having them that you dont from skids. 

I've actually been told a few times that SD is lucky she has me because BM is a loser, but that really just made me feel like I was expected to make up for BM somehow. Still get the judgy crap more often though.

Rags's picture

So, start rubbing the toxic SD's nose in the facts of what you do for her and.... the fact that she polishes the turd that is her BM and makes zero mention and apparently has zero recognition of what you and what you do for her.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

I did not have to do this with my SS. He recognized my place and contribution and that his BioDad is a POS. 

ndc's picture

What did your husband do for you for mother's day?  Ideally he should have directed his kid to show some appreciation, but at the very least HE should have been recognizing you for what you do for his child.  I think a lot of us do what we do for the skids for our husbands more than the kids, and our husbands should be recognizing those efforts.
I'II pick up some of DH's slack and occasionally some of BM's slack.  I work with them on schoolwork and learning, I attend their events and activities with DH and I do the planning and organizing because DH lacks the planning and organization gene.  I do it because I want to, not because I have to, and to make my DH's life easier when I can.  DH shows appreciation for what I do for his kids nearly every day.  And on Mother's Day?  BM, who had the kids that day, brought them over to give me cards and gifts and wish me a happy mother's day.  If I didn't think DH and BM truly appreciated what I do, I might decide not to do it.  

Perhaps you need to cut back if those for whom you're doing so much cannot show some appreciation.  They won't realize all you do until they have to do it themselves.  If they DID realize all you do and still didn't recognize your efforts, then they're just users.

Siemprematahari's picture

Most times being a SM really is a thankless job. I hope your H and SD acknowledge and appreciate you for all your time, energy, and efforts.

Mostthanklessjobever's picture

You described my life when my skids were younger but it sounds like you are doing even more than what I did.  I didn't do appointments but I did just about everything else. 

I like what exjuliemccoy said about choosing to be a doormat.  I chose to be one for 10+ years and it got me no where except continually stepped on and hurt.  She's also right when she said nice guys finish last in steplife.  

My advice is to put these responsibilities back on your SD's bioparents.  At the end of the day no matter what you did or didn't do for her, you'll still be the bad guy and you'll stil "finish last".  Start taking care of YOU!!  HUGS!