So yesterday I was talking to a couple of good friends, who are aware of my situation. They are from two different backgrounds, meaning- 1 is/was always a single mother raised her kid - 2 was married/single mother for awhile/remarried recently inherited a grown stepkid.
Now the first one doesn't understand alot of what I say because she never had to deal with anyone else's children in the way I do. The 2nd one says she would sit down with DH and BM and tell them BOTH what I will and won't tolerate out of this situation.
If either have a problem then tell them they can GTFO. I told them that I have seen a stepfamily counselor (who actually was a stepmom, twice, wow) and she advises against that, says it's DH's job to handle his ex.
The 2nd lady said she sat down with her ex and his new wife and just said, I expect xyz and that's it. But to me that's different because #1 she is the BM in the situation, we all know BM can do what they want #2 the new wife was receptive and knew the BM before she got with her ex.
We talked about lots of things, the disrespect, how dh handles his kids, the ex all of it. I basically laid it out. The 2nd lady is a pastor, she is a very nice person and I totally adore her. She asked me if I thought it was a good idea to get married to DH (I am already, pointless) but I answered honestly and said NO. She was really taken aback. Her #2 question, do you love him? I told her I don't know because honestly I resent him soooo much.
The first lady, said "wow never heard you say that". I told them both I have disengaged what that meant, the counselor agreed I should and that I was suffering my consequences of getting caught up in love and not using my head, why should everyone else in the situation not have to have consequences too.
They are good friends and I wish I could have the relationship the 2nd lady has with her husband's daughter but everyone was open to it. The BM and skids in my case, do not want me to have a relationship with the SDs. Have I ever heard BM say it? No but I can't tell in the kids actions and in her actions when things have happened in the past.
I am still debating over giving this relationship the chance again or just mentally checking out. I also have trust issues to add to all of this, all the men in my life have been shit and treated me as such, so yeah there's that.
I suspect my husband of cheating, he does suspicious things but I have no concrete proof. He works construction and his schedule changes rapidly, like an hour before he all of a sudden has to stay. I think back to when we were dating and he'd say he was working but if I pressed he'd find a way to leave and come see me. Maybe I'm wanting something to make the decision for me, IDK.