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skids baseball---go? dont go?


So here is the question and a little background. BM signed up sd9 for baseball/softball whatever. She has played it that DH MUST take the kids to these games on our time, this all started last year.

I told DH do what you want. The only time I said anything was when it was the weekend we had ALREADY planned our daughter's first birthday. Then BM brings out SD9 BETTER be taken to HER game. We didn't take her but whatever.

So MIL apparently has been pestering DH about going to SD9's games. Whatever. They now run after skids activities as they never have, whatever, their perogrative.

I got a little peeved because wednesday DH texted me he may have to work late on thursday or friday 9 (which means until 9pm from 6am). DH always accuses that I don't want him around, honestly some times I dont, it's easier.

I was a little upset because to my understanding after he came back in town their would be no to littl overtime. He's worked overtime every week since he's been back. Plus it's our NON skid/kid weekend and I wanted him, DD18mo and I to just spend time together.

So he started talking up about how MIL really said he should be going to her games and how he told MIL he didn't want to because he didn't want to have to deal with BM. BM is the team mother, UGH!

I told him do what you want. I told him from the beginning I wouldn't be taking me and my 3 and hanging out every other weekend at his kid's games, just go if you want that's up to you, i have no interest in doing it or being anywhere near BM.

So thursday comes and he tells me early like 3pm that he's leaving. I'm like where? Leaving to go home, really? Ok now I'm confused. Then I think about it but don't say anything. DH then text me about what's for dinner and he didn't know if he was going to go to the game. I was like is dinner a decision for if you are going to the game. NO. OK then.

So he says get pizza, "you buying" was my response, I'm broke. So he put money in the account for pizza. An hour later "I'm at mom's" so I respond with "so I take it you're goin" "I guess" was his response.

Ok. I just left it at that. He calls then asking me how I got the internet/phone package so cheap because FIL pays $109 a month. Is it a special? I told him this was the amount they told me they didn't say it was a special and no idea why it's different.

He didn't mention the pizza. So I call him back and say so I don't need to get the pizza because you're going to the game so it will be like 8pm before you get home. This is 5pm mind you. OH no I'll eat it when I get home. Ok Fine.

He went, which I knew the I might have to work, was his lie he was going to tell to go to the game but apparently thought better of it when he realizes that SD9 is probably going to rat him out.

I don't care if he goes, plans on going etc. Why do you have to lie, omit or pretend like you didn't know you were going? He did. Then he gets home around 8, cold pizza waiting on him, our 18mo DD calling for him since leaving daycare at 4. He walks in casually and says to me "whats wrong with you".

I wasn't feeling well, so I told him I've had a headache for a week and I don't feel good. I didn't. I didn't say shit about that stupid game. He says let's all go get xyz from the store. I'm like NO I dont want to go to the store, I dont feel good.

So he says we don't have xyz your kids are going to need it to have lunch. Meanwhile he says to me "so next time you're going with me right?" "NO!" was my response. I said I told you go if you want, we talked about this when it first started. I have no desire to go. I don't want to go, have to keep my toddler from hurting herself on bleechers etc. NO!

DH gets pissy and says "so I go to your daughter's thing (once mind you) and you can't go to mine". I didn't ask DH to go, my daughter did. SD9 has NOT ONCE asked me to attend these games, period. I said "No i'm not going, they don't care if I am there, you can go. They don't like me anyways so why does it matter. Plus no I dont want to spend any time around BM!"

DH huffs off with "SD9? she likes you. You are wrong, you can say it all you want but you are wrong" Whatever dude.

These kids roll their eyes at me, ignore me unless they want FOOD, Nope not going.

So am I wrong? Should I HAVE to go to make DH happy? Not that he tries to neccessarily make me happy but whatever.

hereiam's picture

Would he even go if his mother was not on his case?

I would not go, especially if I had kids to look after. That is a pain in the ass at those games.

AllySkoo's picture

Why on earth would your DH even CARE if you were at the game or not? My DH went to some of YSD's games, he even brought our bios a couple of times to see their sister play, but he never cared if I didn't want to go. (I always used the time to do errands or something.)

To be fair, there were a couple of school events I did go to for the skids - Christmas concert, an art showing, stuff like that. But they were one time things, not weekly events like games.

I'd start by asking him WHY this is important to him. Why will this make him happy? And does he realize that you going to a game would make ZERO difference to your relationship with his daughter?

I don't think you have to go, but I do think a conversation with DH where you try to get to the root of his issue might be in order.

notarelative's picture

One game maybe. Every game no way.
Add in an 18 month old and maybe I'll show up for a few innings once.

Even if this is my BD there is no way I am taking an 18 month old to games. I value my sanity.

My kids are 7 years apart. Oldest had one parent at most games. We took turns going, one went, the other stayed home with youngest. Oldest survived just fine.

I have no problem with a step playing on a team even if it is on both parent's time. Steps should be able to play on teams and most team activities will fall on both parent's time. However, that doesn't mean that a step need four adults at games. As long as one parent is there, or drops off and picks up for practices, all should be good.