Caught SS(17) playing with himself again!

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I haven't been around in a while, I need to vent.

Over the weekend I was painting our cabin. My SS17 (aka Stink) has a cot in the loft. We have him on a cot in the loft because he has this dreadful body odor that clings to every place he sits and he plays with himself "not all the time but a lot of the time". That is what he told the therapist. Last year instead of working with DH, he was hiding in the master bedroom yanking on it. I walked in on him twice. Sorry, I don't feel the need to knock on the door because this is MY house.

I was up on the ladder over looking the loft and Stink was going to town, under the blanket. His arm and leg was moving....his entire body was moving! I was going to scream "OMG....the kid is having a siezure!". Instead, I got off the ladder and told DH. His response was "well, he is a boy." Yeah, this was 1:30 on the afternoon and the dumbass knew I was painting because he was helping me with the ladder.

Sunday, I went upstairs to the Mom Cave this requires walking though the loft. He was laying in the floor with his feet on the cot and the blanket over himself.....yanking on it. This was 11am. I look in right in the eye. He stopped and sat on the cot shooting my dirty looks.

Last summer, this kid sat in his room watching Shirley Temple movies and yanking on it. It really creeped me out, this kid was non-stop with it....I took him in the store....he was yanking away, he would yank on it in the car. I find this extremely disturbing....this was one the things that drove me to therapy. Now, school gets out in a matter of weeks and the kid is yanking on it again. UGH.

Ewe. Sorry I have no advice.

There needs to be a rule in

There needs to be a rule in your home that yanking only happens in the privacy of the bathroom.

This is sick, & the fact that your DH excuses it with, "well, he is a boy" makes it that much worse. He has no problem with the fact that his son is jerking off in front of you???

"I was going to scream "OMG....the kid is having a siezure!". Instead, I got off the ladder and told DH."
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If your DH isn't going to approach it, you need to. The fact that you just walk by acting like it isn't happening isn't going to help. At 17, he's old enough to understand what he's doing. Given that you don't approach it, he may be doing it thinking you like it.

Don't ignore it. Embarrass the shit out of him. If it offends you, say so. If there are people within earshot, make sure they hear you tell him how gross & rude he's being for wanking in common areas of the house. If there aren't people within earshot, open a window & shout your disgust so the neighbors hear it.

I'm not saying he should feel shameful for doing it. I AM saying that he SHOULD feel shameful for doing it where you can see it.

That's effing nasty. What does he have against a bathroom with a door???

hahaha I can see it now. Walk

hahaha I can see it now. Walk in confused "HEY SS, What are you doing??? (really loud). OMG Wait is your hand on your penis??? Are you injured, you seem to be moving around a lot. Wait a minute... Are you really masturbating out in the public areas of our home???

You would piss your pants if

You would piss your pants if you saw how public this is. I made sure when I placed the cot, in was in the corner....there is only railing there. I wanted to but the damn cot by the hot water heater but DH won't let me.

THIS^^^would be the perfect

THIS^^^would be the perfect reaction.

Regardless of him having an exhibitionist side, he has to know that pushing that on other people is offensive & is legally considered a sexual offense.

His dad refusing to acknowledge that what he's doing is wrong could lead him down an ugly path. Who's to say with the freedom he takes with exposing his family to it he isn't exposing others to it as well???

I have never thought of

I have never thought of this.....I am going to bring this up with DH tonight. This just makes me sick, BM wants nothing to do with this kid and it's OK for her to say....I can't deal with him. Well..neither can I...He makes me ill in more ways than one.

I have never thought of

Sounds to me like mental or

Sounds to me like mental or emotional problems. Not well adjusted socially AT ALL. Yuck. Maybe you could film it and threaten to post it on FB.

AT this house he does have a

AT this house he does have a bedroom with a door. At the cabin I REFUSE to give him a bedroom. I don't want him to feel like the cabin is his home, if that makes any sense. First of all I don't him to stink up the bed and bedding and I don't want to put up with moving him when someone comes to stay over.

I should have said something, I know I should have. Trust me I am kicking my self in the butt for not doing so. Every freaking time I say something to the kid he cries to DH. He was whining about the puppy, I told him he was a adult not a baby, he said something I said NO, you have to realize that you are no longer a child....grow up. He went running to DH.

Dh has no clue how to handle it, his frigging excuse is that he nevers sees him doung it and he feels uncomfortable handling this. It makes me want to puke...in fact the entire thing makes me want to puke.

I called the therapist....I guess this is just going to be my time of year that I her. UGH.

He's 17 years old! Who cares

He's 17 years old! Who cares if he cries to DH??? Draw attention to it! Next time you're walking by, step on his junk & when he cries about that, tell him he shouldn't have had it out where it could get stepped on.

If your DH is uncomfortable handling it, how does he expect you to feel about it??? I don't mean to be disrespectful, but it sounds like your SS gets his crybaby whining from his dad. They both need to grow up.

Yes! this is funny. Throw

Yes! this is funny. Throw cold water on him every time. Tell him to stop acting like an animal. Do it in private, you don't want to see it.

I have to take him to the

I have to take him to the doctor tomorrow.....I am going to tell her about the siezure.

I should add, the kid is an Aspie....he does have Asbegers, so he is frigging clueless about social behavior. But.....I ain't buying that as an excuse.....playing with your self has nothing to do with lack of interpersonal social skills. I'm soooo done with this.

Maybe talk to the doctor

Maybe talk to the doctor about it. It could be a sensory issue. I will not pretend to know anything about it. The doctor should.

http://www.livestrong.com/article/5861-should-sexual-behavior-aspergers-...

Thank you for this.

After you said he's an Aspie,

After you said he's an Aspie, it made perfect sense. SD8 is a classic Aspie, although neither of her parents (my DH or her BM) are willing to accept that and have refused to seek further treatment for her. She's exhibited "sexual indecency" since she was about 5 years old - I've caught her "masturbating" many, many times. I even witnessed her dry humping a stuffed animal in the bedroom she used to share with my BD (before she went to live with her Mom) while she was watching a movie...door was wide open and everything...almost seemed like she didn't even realize she was doing it. BD was 2 at the time and had no idea what she was doing, thank goodness.

After talking to the therapist about the connection between Aspies and inappropriate behavior (be it sexual or social, etc.) it really is an impulse control issue and something they struggle really hard to control. Almost like a "tick" - something they just "have" to do, but the biggest thing you have to do is help them understand just how inappropriate and unacceptable it is to subject everyone else to it. Being that he's 17 he needs to be told by DH and you that neither of you are ok with him doing that in open/public areas and he MUST use the restroom if he's going to do it. Don't admonish him for it (even though it's really gross, I know...) but be sure to be firm and let him he is NEVER to do it where/when you or anyone else can see.

I freak out when he does it,

I freak out when he does it, anything I say to the kid...he runs to DH crying about how evil I am. I am always put in a very bad position.

DH doesn't know how to handle it....he is in denial about the kid. The one time kid was standing there yanking on it while talking to DH. DH claimed he didn't notice.

The therapist and the shrink talked to him about it.

The fact that as a 17 year

The fact that as a 17 year old he doesn't feel embarrassed about it and doesn't feel a need to try to do it where no one can see him speaks VOLUMES about his mental health - seriously. This is a very personal/private thing and one shouldn't feel free to do it wherever and whenever they can - that's just not right.

And now, not to be gross.. but ummmm... when he yanks it, there is an "end result" so to speak.. where does that go? Does he even care that is NASTY.

He has a problem.. a big one and someone - HIS MALE INFLUENCE IN HIS LIFE should address it.

This is freaking hilarious. I

This is freaking hilarious. I live in a house full of boys. Boys are just gross. So freaking funny!!

I agree that this is totally

I agree that this is totally inappropriate and the above poster brought up an interesting point. If he will do it when you are around-who is to say he wont do it in front of others? A child? And then he can be arrested as a sexual predator.

Even if he has Asperger's-this is not a free pass to do what you like. You dont get to masturbate in front of people and not shower or wear deodarant. The goal with kids like these (well ALL kids) is to teach them to function appropriately in the world. Why isnt your dh doing that? He needs to teach him that you masturbate behind closed doors. You need to shower daily and wash with soap and use deodarant.

Kids with Aspergers do have poor social skills-but that doesnt mean they can't learn them and you are not supposed to teach them. It just means they dont quite understand them.

Does your dh have Aspergers as well? Is that what makes him so uncomfortable discussing these issues with ss?

One of the reasons why I went

One of the reasons why I went to the therapist is how DH treats the kid. All I ever heard for years from DH and BM is "we don't want to piss off the kid." Well, getting pissed off is a fact of life, you get over it. I am just so freaking frustrated I could scream.

It's way beyond his playing with himself.....I can't stand it.

they are neglecting their

they are neglecting their child. They are not teaching him very basic life skills because they dont want to make him angry (which they also need to be teaching him how to deal with anger). Noone else in his life is going to walk around being concerned about making him mad, or allowing him to stink up their home, place of business, etc, nor is anyone going to allow him to wank off wherever and whenever he likes.

Yeah, I agree...I have said

Yeah, I agree...I have said that for years. I have even talked to DH about how he deals with the kid, we both went to the therapist about it.

The therapist said DH is so deep in denial he can't be reached. She said said to him, SO WHAT if he gets pissed off. You said exactly what we said to DH, no one is going to care if they piss the kid off, but is the kid can't deal with it and lashes out....people are going to care.

DH does a shitload of hiring, he admits he would go to HR if he hired someone like the kid. BUT yet he doesn't get that someone else would have the same issue.

The therapist and I think the kid will end up in a group home. BM has very little to do with him as it it, when CS stops she will drop him like a rock. I don't see this kid doing well in college. I think some day I will have to decide if I stay or go. I can't stand it as it is.

I dont think he will end up

I dont think he will end up in a group home. I think he will end up in jail. He is not being taught impulse control-he's going to do something someday-whether it's jack off in front of the wrong person or be aggressive because someone wasnt willing to avoid making him mad and he will enter the legal system.

Group homes will not keep a resident who refuses to shower, wanks off in front of other residents and they do address issues with their residents instead of being fearful to anger them.

We don't want to piss off the

We don't want to piss off the kid??? It's not like they're having to tell him he can never eat or watch TV again. They're not having to tell him not to masturbate. They're just telling him to quit whipping his beef stick out & wailing on it for an audience. Perhaps next time you could gather an audience & clap for him at the grand finish.

You should be sure your DH is in the front row so he can get a good view of what he has created.

Aspergers is not an excuse. I

Aspergers is not an excuse. I have it and don't walk around bluffin' my muffin all the time. That's just a rediculous excuse; he's figured out that his diagnosis is his free pass to do as he pleases and get away with it scott free. Does your DH plan to allow SS to live with you guys for the rest of his life so that SS can be financially supported? If the answer to that is "no" (and I really hope, for your sake, that it is), this young man *must* learn socially appropriate behavior. Jerkin' it all the time is not ok! Like many others have pointed out, if he's ok doing it in front of you, he may do it in front of someone else who doesn't give a rat's a$$ about his "condition," then he's a registered sex offender (or worse, a registered *child* sex offender) for the rest of his life. How many bosses do you think are really going to be understanding when he starts wankin' mid business meeting? Heck, how many hiring managers will understand mid interview? I don't think this really has anything to do with Aspergers, it has to do with self control; your SS needs to get some.

bluffin' my muffin LOL!

bluffin' my muffin

LOL! Love it!

We used to tell our boys that

We used to tell our boys that if you whack off too much you can go blind. It worked for a while until they realized we were yanking their chain. Boys can be serial masturbators, they are all different. But I agree that he needs to be doing that behind closed doors in the bathroom when he's showering.

My Husbands youngest son

My Husbands youngest son would always play with it, started when he was 7, I told him he needed to go to the bathroom to do this, finally I told him if he touched it that much it was going to fall off! He stopped!

LOL, awesome...some of these

LOL, awesome...some of these 'get them to stop' tactics are hilarious..

Seriously disturbing about the 17yr old doing this anywhere though...gross!

i haven't been able to read

i haven't been able to read all the posts. personally when training my dog if she would do something in appropriate i would tell her no and tap her mouth if she was chewing something she shouldn't be. if she was licking her butt or somethign in the couch i'd tell her no and move her head away.
treat the kid like a dog. tell him no and smack at the blankets!!! hahahahah

I am a dog trainer....I do

I am a dog trainer....I do AKC sports. Many times I thought about doing something I would never do to a dog.....use an e-collar.

Gee I'll never think of "On

Gee I'll never think of "On the Good Ship Lollypop" in the same way ever again!

Tell me about it. The day

Tell me about it. The day this one happened,if you could have heard what was going on in that room of his you would thought he had an entire harem or barn yard in there. There was all kinds of noises, the bed banging the wall, moaning...the freaking dogs were even barking. He came out,he had make some Hot Pockets (he worked up an appetite??)and he said to me "I just don't get those Shirley Temple movies." I was speechless....

"I just don't get those

"I just don't get those Shirley Temple movies."

Apparently he DOES!!

Unreal! Although I can easily see Brainiac and Prince Hygiene doing the exact same thing.

And daddykins totally proud of it!!

Have you considered having

Have you considered having him wear a cardboard free standing oven range crate? Don't cut holes in it for the arms.

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Caught SS(17) playing with himself again!