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Update on the 25.00 gift card saga!!

wicked step mother's picture

Okay so get this: SS sends me an e-mail that says Here's a link to see wedding photos and by the way for Christmas this year here are a few ideas for me and new SD-in -law "money or gifts cards would work best for us as we can't haul alot of big stuff back south with us when we come for Christmas". So YES I did! I e-mailed back I already have your gift It's a 25.00 gift card to BB&B and I hit send knowing exactly what kind of war I was about to start. His response was "WOW just WOW I already discussed this situation with my father and all I have to say about you is Just WOW" I emailed back "You know what that's pretty much what I was thinking when I was watching everyone open their expensive personalized gifts at the rehearsal dinner and I got a 25.00 freakin gift card, so Wow just wow back at you leave your father out of this one This is between you and me". I laid out my feelings and told him the ball was in his court. He said he and the new SD-in -law had planned on buying me something REALLY nice at some point to make it up to me after his dad let him have it BUT now they were going to cancel that idea. Hey I said whatever dude! I am putting my foot down right now cuz as far as I am concerned instead of me getting treated better we seem to be adding people to this family that don't give a S*&t about me and this is where it ends right here right now!!! ! I told him he screwed up he knew he was dong it while he was doing it and he owed me an apology, and I wanted a heartfelt and sincere apology or take SD-in-law and move on! He called me 1 hour later and he apologized!! At first he was a little hesitant and was kind of feeling around for a place to place blame and I cut him off at every turn. My new NO more BULL policy is working everyone!! So we eneded the conversation with both of us in tears and him saying that he never really looked at it from my point of view and now he sees alot of things he could have done differently. POINT of this long story, Stop tlaking to DH's about the kids if they are old enough and talk directly to them about their behavior! Demand respect form them and lay the issue at their feet , make them handle it and bring you back a solution! If there is hope for me there is hope for everyone! Chin-up Steps!!!

Stepmom2Ched's picture

Wicked, all I gotta say is:





Isn't it nice when you can see the children (whether step or bio) start GETTING IT and thinking a lil like adults now and then?!

~*~A Good Mommy will let the kids lick the beaters. A GREAT Mommy will turn the mixer off first!~*~

wicked step mother's picture

Seriously, Congrats to you guys!! I am so glad I found this site! I thought that I was in this by myself. I thought everything I was going through was so out of the norm, but I see that there are alot of people just like me who sacrifice to keep the peace in the family for the kids. You all have been a Godsend and I am not kidding because I laid in bed one might and prayed; God I need to know what to do here! The next day I googled adult step children and Boom there it was. So thanks to you all and I hope my 17 years of step -experience comes in handy for those I might advise.

anita...sigh's picture

Wicked Step Mother, Oh I soooooo need to take a page out of your book!!! I have a very hard time being assertive, but you are my new GOD(DESS). I'll think of you, put on my big girl panties and start sticking up for myself... and oh boy, if I get going, it will be UGGLLLLY.

We all smile in the same language

wicked step mother's picture

When you have had enough you will do it trust me! The funny thing is I always assumed I would BLOW UP and once I did it would be ugly too. But I think you get to a point where you know that being alone is better than living that way and it causes a calm to come over you . My calm suddenly appeared the night I got the gift card and since then I'm like Hey no one gets to treat me like that anymore. I set boundaries and I am enforcing them. Directly Peacefully and Quietly. Just don't wait 17 freakin years to do it like I did! It makes me think if I had done this years ago how many happy years could I have created for myself? I hope some of youlearn from us old battle worn's. That is my hope !

sadstepmom26's picture

Wow. Lol. One powerful word. Seems like your marriage is in for some BRIGHT days ahead. All I can say is YOU DESERVE IT. After all these years!! Finally some semblance of caring and appreciating you and all you've done. Congrats and I wish you the best!!

Life is what you make it.

startingover2010's picture

that is awesome! i wish i could talk to sd11 like that and get through to her. i think she's still too young, plus i tried to have a heartfelt talk with her but she's very narccistic and blamed me for how things have been. maybe when she is older i'll try again, if i am around. if im not, oh well, i dont expect any kinds of thanks or apology in this lifetime from her, bf or bm. im very happy for you!

bearcub25's picture

Good for you.

I am looking forward to SS turning 18 in 2 years. This boy has needed someone to tell him how it is since he was 2.

imagr8tma's picture

Good for you.......

********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************

Most Evil's picture

OMG I am freaking cheering for you here - beautiful-!!!! :)_________________________________________________________
"What luck for rulers that men do not think."
Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)

eyes2blue68's picture

My DH doesn't want me to call his children out when they do something that offends me. Trust me if it wouldn't cause a huge fight in our marriage, I'd tell certain ones exactly what I think of them but I'm keeping the peace til DH sees them for what they are. He gets so worried that they will cut him out of their lives completely if he's confrontational but I don't think that's such a bad thing, ha ha. Good for you! You may not have been born with a pair of balls but ya grew some and used them.

Me (41). DH (turns 54 late November). Married since May 2007. DS (9) from my 1st marriage where that husband is deceased. I have 6 grown stepchildren who do not live with us. 4 biological and 2 my DH helped raise with his 2nd wife.