Apparently I'm psychic
Apparently I'm psychic, my bad mood was a precursor to a world of crap coming my way. SD24's babydaddy beat the crap out of her night before last and now she is at our house and according to the state she is not supposed to be, worse yet DW said she called the DSS worker about our case yesterday to inform her of what happened and what she we do, but I checked her call log last night because I didn't trust her and she never called. I haven't confronted her but have been badgering her about it today, even asked for the case workers number and she not giving up or in. I posted this comment on my last blog entry so if anyone read that I apologize for the repeat.
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Since I posted this she has
Since I posted this she has texted saying that she has spoken with DSS and will fill me in when I get home, we'll see how that goes. There is no other phone she would have called from, only her cell.
If she is at your house and
If she is at your house and the department of children and families said she can not be, and they find out... well then, yall can kiss your weekend custody of the grandkid's bye bye. Is that what your Dear Wife wants?
That's why I was insistent on
That's why I was insistent on calling the case worker, they have to know what is going on or everything could explode, this is not one of those ask for forgiveness later deals. BTW it's not just weekends, we have kinship custody of the infant.
Lack of trust in one
Lack of trust in one particular situation is not a deal breaker, if was an ongoing continual problem yes but you have to pick your battles. Right now the focus is innocent children and getting my SD clean and straightened out on the right path. If I have to do some coersing to make that happen so be it.
Major, you can't fix your SD.
Major, you can't fix your SD. You can't get her to be anything. She has to want those things for herself. Your wife is enabling her and putting your custody of the baby at risk. There is such a thing as loving someone to death. I know your wife wants to help her child but until her child helps herself, it's a losing battle. Sometimes letting the addict feel the full effect of their choices is what saves their lives. Enabling her is only bringing her one step closer to one of three conclusions; jail, institution, or death.
I know I can't "fix" her. I
I know I can't "fix" her. I used to be a substance abuse counselor so I know a little bit about this. She is going to classes and has tested negative each time since this all began. My DW is very much an enabler but she is aware of it and has been working to change. DW has told me that case worker has ok'd SD24 staying here, she is calling SD24 on Monday to get her to start abuse counseling and baby daddy will be surprised drug tested.
well, major, that's a
well, major, that's a positive update.
has she had #4 yet?
Yeppers two weeks ago
Yeppers two weeks ago yesterday and he is doing very well. Chubby little bugger!
Call them yourself. If DW
Call them yourself. If DW actually called they will have a case number or something of the sort. If she hasn't called, then you can talk to her about why she lied.
I believe she called today.
I believe she called today. Why she lied about yesterday I don't know. But I do intend on getting the caseworkers number one way or another.
Just for the record, Major, a
Just for the record, Major, a long time ago I decided if I ever happened upon any kind of drug in my SD's room (she's now 17), I would call the authorities first and DH second.
The bottom line is when people in your home start putting your own status with the law in jeopardy, you act like a proper citizen first and foremost.
In your situation I would not have checked her phone log. I would have called the social services of my own accord. Not to check DW's story, but to make sure I understood properly what was expected of us in this situation. This is not accusatory toward anyone in the house. This is just you being a good citizen, a good homeowner, a good baby-guardian.
Your wife should have no trouble with that and your SD should have no trouble with that.
And if they do, that is a whole 'nuther conversation. NO ONE has the right to put you on the wrong side of the law. NO ONE.
Ditto. I do not enable
Ditto. I do not enable cheaters, liars, druggies, etc.
As for the last two comments
As for the last two comments you may want to first read my post completely or refer to my previous posts. SD24 was not living here and she has been clean and compliant with DSS for several months. I appreciate all comments but have the facts straight before you do.
Major, I'm not sure I
Major, I'm not sure I understand your reply. I know very well she wasn't living with you and etc.
What I am saying is that under no circumstances would I let a third party get me involved in anything on the wrong side of a court order, law, etc.
By taking in a person who is under some kind of order to stay out of your house, I would feel vulnerable to being on the wrong side of the law.
In my situation it was drugs. I know that is not what you are talking about. I was just using my own decision making process to illustrate how I see yours.
BTW, my SD has never gone the drugs route and I doubt she will at this point. Doesn't seem to be her style. So I'm not dealing with drugs, either.
You can do what you want in any situation and in the future whatever arises. But for me I have already made the pro-active decision that I won't be dragged into things that might get me personally in trouble. So in your situation I would have called the Dept on my own to make sure I was in the clear for allowing her in the house. It would not be to check up on anybody but to make sure the Dept knew I was demonstrating cooperation and willingness to be transparent and trying to comply.
It would not be my first instinct to go through the spouse's phone because my decision was made long ago. I never want to have to go through my spouse's phone for ANY reason other than that he asked me to look up a number or something for him.
Hope that clears things up for you.
You can pass drug tests too.
You can pass drug tests too. I hate to be a negative Nelly by saying that. If you know they're coming you can spoof em'. If her "baby daddy" is still using and she is only 2 months into treatment/sobriety just be careful. Addicts can't get clean living with addicts. I don't know the situation but just from this post it sounds like drama and craziness follows this gal. It's destructive patterns and relationships associated with drug use. She is a big girl at 24 years of age. An adult. Don't let poor decisions of an adult ruin it for the younger ones in your care. I hope it works out!!! I guarantee baby daddy will test positive for drugs but only because it will be a surprise test. Will that be enough coupled with the physical abuse to keep her from going back??? Also did I read she is on child #4 or did I misunderstand? If so where are those kids? Are they the ones you currently have?
Ok so I had to take some time
Ok so I had to take some time to comment back on all of this. I apologize for my demeanor it was unwarranted and defensive. I am going to attempt to not respond like that in the future, still getting used to the forms and methods of advice that come across here.
SD24 has legal daily visitation with the baby, the DSS case worker has been very lenient with her due to her compliance and attitude. DW is actually the legal kinship guardian as I am not on any of the paperwork, mainly due to my work schedule I have not been present for the meetings with the case worker therefore I was not there to sign the documents, however the caseworker knows that I am there at the house as well as my wife. I didn’t call the night of the incident or the next morning because for all intensive purposes it was my wife’s legal obligation to do so since she is the one working with the caseworker. Yes I checked her call log, not my proudest moment, we don’t hide things from one another each other’s phone is not password locked or anything, she can look in my phone all she wants and vice versa, not that we do.
I stated before that I do have quite a bit of knowledge of addiction both educationally and professionally, so I know all the pitfalls that SD24 is in for, but as the old saying goes you can lead a horse to water…..
Yes SD 24 has had 4 children, two were put up for adoption and wound up in very nice homes and she does get updates about the children from their adopted parents.
Everything that happened last week has become a moot point as SD24 decided to go back to baby daddy’s the day after Halloween, she has broken DW’s heart and DW has stated that she is through offering advice and trying to talk to her, not sure what that means yet for when SD24 calls again in the middle of the night when he does it again, as he probably will. I have stated that I no longer have an opinion, I am just taking care of my grandson and granddaughter, when she visits us.
Disengaging the Saucer Section!!!!