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Overscheduled SS11.5

CastleJJ's picture

As many of you know, SS11.5 has always been over scheduled in our opinion. BM has him in sports year-round with maybe a week gap in between - soccer in the spring, football in summer and fall, and basketball in the winter. These sports practice 3-5 days per week, with games every weekend. This doesn't include extra off season training or camps. SS was also taking foreign language private lessons up until recently. 

Today, BM emailed DH to let him know that she signed SS up for soccer again in the spring and that SS is currently doing basketball, but he also wants to try wrestling, so BM signed him up for that for winter as well. She isn't going to pay for tournaments this year, only let him practice until she knows he likes it. But she confirmed he would be doing two sports for the entire winter season. DH just rolled his eyes and chuckled. Hell, SS missed a basketball practice last week because BM forgot about it until it was already half over. 

DH and I both agree that kids want to do everything, but that doesn't mean you let them. In our opinion, if SS wanted to try wrestling, I would put him in a short term, few day camp to try it. If he liked it, maybe do a few more camps. Then if he wanted to commit, I would make him pick to either drop the overlapping sport to commit to the new sport or continue with the other sport. DH and I hate that BM over schedules him and since the practices and stuff overlap, he ends up sucking at both because its not feasible. You can't skip practices and games for both sports because they all overlap and still be good. Not to mention, inconsistency lets the team down. 

DH knows he has no say and bringing it up to BM is useless because she would just use his disapproval to create a fight, but it won't change the outcome. DH just says "their money and time, their problem." As long as it doesn't interfere with our already limited visitation or BM doesn't use it to try to ask us to drop our time, it doesn't impact us. 


thinkthrice's picture

Ye olde "seeeeeee I'm a goooooood mom bc I overlooooooad MYYYYYYY kid with actiiiiiiiiiivities."

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Wasn't it you who said SS looked like an adult with a full-time job? Like he's already experiencing burnout between his BM drama and all the activities? Poor kid. 

CastleJJ's picture

Yep, that was me. SS doesn't know how to play (never has) because his life revolves around school, sports, and BM. When you ask him what he does in his free time, he responds homework or practicing drills. He has no creativity, no imagination, nothing. It is all regimented to fit his crazy schedule. He is go go go with responsibilities and obligations from 7 am to 8 pm every single day. 

Rags's picture

to be parented by a screen.  Kids can't function because their entire experience is bought from someone else's immagination.

SS used to talk incessently about Pokemon, Yug-gi-oh and later video games. I would listen for a minute then tell him I was not interested in someone elses immagination, I was interested in his immagination and I was more interested in things he had actually done.  I would get blank stares.   So I would ask him if he remembered a hiking trip, or fosil hunting day, or tree climbing, etc... He would brighten up and go on and on and on about those things.

In 6th grade, we purged all electronic access for him from our home except for some limited TV and when we would watch a movie or TV show together as a family.

We made sure to do more together activities.  

He has great memories of all of those things.  He will occassionally comment about how appreciative he is that we did not let him immerse himself in gaming and that we made sure he had actual memories.

My SIL (my brother's wife) was a bury the kids in never enging activities and helicopter mom.  My niece and nephews were exhausted all of the time and struggled with the transition from the pre-teens into the teens.  I worried about them.  It took far too long IMHO but eventually my brother had to stop that crap and play the "ENOUGH!" card.  That was a tense period for their marriage but ultimately my brother prevailed and his kids learned to be kids, enjoyed being young people and building their own interests and friends.  

Thumper's picture

Our bm had her kids in year round sport activities. THEN she added scouts on top of that.  

This greatly interfered with dh's eow, along with distance being a factor.

BM did everything she could to micro manage dh vistaion until he finally had enough. BM was screaming on the phone "you better take them to practice BUDDY'

DH told her to pound sand and click. 

You see, visitation is designed for the child to spend time with the NCP doing what ever it is goes on inside ncp home and community.

 Or at least it used to be that way. Our Judge didnt blink an eye about dh NOT running the kids to their practices because bm said he had to during the KIDS time with dh.

All family court Judges have seen their share of bm's alienatining their kids from dads. Activities are one way to achieve just that. 

You are living it now. 




CastleJJ's picture

BM lives 4.5. hours south of us (9 hours roundtrip), so luckily, we aren't chauffering SS to anything BM signs him up for and luckily, outside of summer visitation, we don't have to give up any visitation for his obligations. We have 6 weeks total per year - 4 weeks summer, alternating Thanksgiving and Spring breaks, and half of Christmas break. CO just states that for summer, we need to be flexible with how the visits are scheduled and we may not get 2 two week blocks, but rather a two week and two one week, etc. as long as it adds up to 4 weeks total. I doubt a judge would make DH give up 6 weeks of visits for sports when BM already has 46 weeks per year. Although, the judge didn't give DH any additional visitation due to sports, so who knows. 

That is the perk of long distance - if BM wants to sign him up for everything under the sun, it's her responsibility to get him there, and she can't complain because we are way too far away. So our visits are spent doing what we want to do with SS, not all BM's crap.

Rags's picture

with the SpermClan. Though we never lived nearer than 1200 miles to SpermLand so it was not a drive situation.

They never did anything with any of the Spermidiot spawn.  The visitation schedule was 5wks summer, 1wk winter (Half of winter break alternating even and odd year.  The day school was out until Ded 24 during even years. Dec 26 until the day before started in odd years.), and 1wk spring. 

Long distance visitation can keep a domineering parent in their place and keep them out of interfering in the life of the other parent and that parent's time with their kids.

IMHO, LD visitation is better for everyone. Better for the kids, better for the CP, better for the NCP, and most importantly, better for the SParents.

thinkthrice's picture

When the Girhippo enrolled the 3 ferals in every activity under the sun including scouts 40 minutes away one way, Chef knee jerk reacted and moved us away to an absolute DUMP from my bios recently remodeled childhood home "to be closer to the skids"(TM) 

He should have told her to pound sand back then but he was too busy being scared shitless of "losing his kids."  (TM).  However the judge in our area probably would have thrown the book at him for not ferrying his ferals to all those activities as it is extremely Pro BM around here.

The move closer absolutely backfired and the Girhippo accelerated her alienation techniques.  I will never forgive Chef for that.

AgedOut's picture

It always worries me when I see kids at risk for sports/activities burn out. I only know a couple sports and wrestling is one of them.  I hope he's not over whelmed because it can lead to injuries. When you're on the mat you have to focus completel or you may end up with a serious injury. 

I get her wanting her kid to have all the chances to do all the things but he's a still just a kid.