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ss14 has changed in 5 months...

IAmTheMeanOne's picture

no dh. no he hasnt ...one of his social media's is named something like...'pay me in (the p word)' ...kid is 14.  *shok*

But what i am really here to vent is about the phone call dh got last sunday.  BM called and said she just got in a knock down drag out with SS14...over a charging cable.  ss14 wanted the phone charger (i suppose he lost his) and BM was using the cable and she told him not right now...ss14 flew into a rage and said he was leaving...she grabbed hold of him and said no he is not but ss14 got away from her and ran off...she called dh because she was about to call 911 to go look for him...dh started calling ss and i think after an hour he was able to get a hold of him and told him to go home...bm was supposed to bring ss14 down the next day for a festival and dh was supposed to have a long talk with ss...

while dh is telling me about the conversation and the plans...he started making comments like...bm just doesnt know how to handle a kid like him....dude?  ayfkm?  i had to stop him...i do not like bm...i never will...but this is not bm's fault! dude you had 10 years to follow through with therepy, dr appts...adhd consultations...that you failed to do!  lets face it...you dont know how to handle the kid!!!  i told him to make sure he supports bm and any punishment she deems fit...he told me that this isnt about bm...its about ss...duh...but you as a parent need to support bm as ss lives in her house!  

side note...ds7 was grumpy a few days ago and snapped at me when i asked him to pick up his shoes from the floor....dh flew off the handle and yelled..."you dont speak to your mother that way!"  ....while i was sort of happy he demanded i get respect...i felt a sort of way...this is the same man that ignored ss at 6 screaming to me to go eff myself...literally did nothing...but now he wants to disipline ds...like i said....i felt a sort of way...i kept my mouth shut as he was right to correct ds....but i just couldnt help feeling annoyed at dh because he should have done this 10 years ago with ss.  

 

JRI's picture

I heartily agree with supporting your BM's parenting.  I wish we had supported ours more and maybe we wouldn't have ended up with all 3 SKs moving in.  In these contentious divorce situations, it's so easy to run down the other parent.  Sigh....

IAmTheMeanOne's picture

i didnt think it really mattered.  she was eowe...i can see how she wanted to go go go and do things with ss ...she only saw him for 4 days out of the month...

 

dh never supported me...never stuck up for me...he loved being the super awesome dad dude that never doled out punishments and when punishments were given...he was the super hero that rescued ss from punishment...i never got help and then finally washed my hands of the whole situation...now...dh thinks i should get over the past because it is in the past...why? why should i get over it?  why should i make 100% effort (with dh making none of course) in repairing a relationship with ss14 ... i really dont want to ...dh made this bed...and he is going to have to do his part in parenting.  he had 10 years and did nothing...i certainly refuse to be in that position again.

Rags's picture

up his ass.  Every time he lips off, etc.

Sadly, apparently DH does not understand that part of the truth.

No more catering IMHO.  

First infracton that warrants it, call the cops and let him live some natural consequences for his actions.

IAmTheMeanOne's picture

he will be in jail before the year's end

Notthedoormat's picture

face consequences for a lot of things,  if DH and BM will enforce them. If one of my kids snapped on me over a phone charger, that would be the end of their phone. And, a name like that means no social media or access to electronics other that what's mandatory for school. He thinks he's in charge and can do/ say as he pleases...and he will until he's shown otherwise. 

As hard as it is, he needs discipline,  but you already know this.  BM and DH can hopefully call a truce long enough to agree on punishment and expectations. 

I'm sorry this is happening. 

IAmTheMeanOne's picture

neither bm or dh will enforce.  kid is still posting snaps and tic tocs...and on his xbox.  i know because the emails come to my email.  kid spent $50 on xbox this week alone.  i can see what crap he looks up on the xbox.  its pretty gross. 

 

i cant speak on bm household...but when ss lived with us...dh would take his xbox...but give it back the next day. same with the phone...ss would whine...omg he whined and cried and refused to get out of your face about it...dh always gave in because he would just get sick of hearing it...to me this is infuriating...

Survivingstephell's picture

In 2010 my DH took away OSD's phone for being sassy. She flipped her lid and attacked him , breaking his shoulder.  If you do not make it clear to SS now , who knows how far he would go next time.  

IAmTheMeanOne's picture

like i said before...i dont like bm...but i dont want harm to come to her...i really believe he will soon go off and someone is going to get really hurt.

Yesterdays's picture

My SS, now 17, had a lot of angry outbursts and was uncontrollable. The bio parents, both of them never got him in enough trouble, in my opinion, for disrespect of people, teachers, kids, principals... I honestly think both parents were afraid of applying discipline because they were afraid of what the kids reaction would be... An anger outburst... If the anger outbursts don't have repurcussions then they begin to see that if they are angry it "works" and that is a very scary notion Imo. My SS screamed to Eff off directly in my face and I was the one to finally say, ok this is verbal abuse and I'm not as ok with it as everyone else... This isn't a kid....

Get that kid in big trouble and apply consequences or it will inevitably get worse and as they get older it gets more scary to be around. 

Yesterdays's picture

My husband used to make similar comments... Like bio mom didn't know what to do.. But he didn't know either. Same thing... He wasnt the one bringing him to the doctor, or therapist or talking to the school. Also.. Same thing.... My own bio kids he will get them in trouble for small things... Like dishes but his kids he was afraid to ask THEM to do chores of any kind... As if they would melt or something if they had to do ANY work. Coddle kids too much and I think it's a really bad thing.. Don't get them in trouble for bad behavior.. It comes back to bite you in the a$$

Rags's picture

Such is the world of indescrimant breeders who make a poor choice of mate to spawn with.

Wrap it before you tap it and no glove no love prevents having children that are rarely seen.

Even in those cases, a parent's duty is to raise their child with standards of behavior and standards of performance regardless of if they have their kid full time or EOWE, or whatever frequency may be in place with a CO.

It is sad that a parent, and kids do not live in intact families nad home.  However, Disney parents are chosing to fail as parents.

IMHO of course/.

 

Rags's picture

Such is the world of indescrimant breeders who make a poor choice of mate to spawn with.

Wrap it before you tap it and no glove no love prevents having children that are rarely seen.

Even in those cases, a parent's duty is to raise their child with standards of behavior and standards of performance regardless of if they have their kid full time or EOWE, or whatever frequency may be in place with a CO.

It is sad that a parent, and kids do not live in an  intact family or home.  However, Disney parents are choosing to fail as parents.

Life does not deliver what someone wants. Life delivers what they earn.  Kids need that lesson.  Shit behavior as a kid should not return cushy parenting. Shit behavior as a kid should return an escalating state of abject misery.

IMHO of course/.