ss14 has changed in 5 months...
no dh. no he hasnt ...one of his social media's is named something like...'pay me in (the p word)' ...kid is 14. *shok*
But what i am really here to vent is about the phone call dh got last sunday. BM called and said she just got in a knock down drag out with SS14...over a charging cable. ss14 wanted the phone charger (i suppose he lost his) and BM was using the cable and she told him not right now...ss14 flew into a rage and said he was leaving...she grabbed hold of him and said no he is not but ss14 got away from her and ran off...she called dh because she was about to call 911 to go look for him...dh started calling ss and i think after an hour he was able to get a hold of him and told him to go home...bm was supposed to bring ss14 down the next day for a festival and dh was supposed to have a long talk with ss...
while dh is telling me about the conversation and the plans...he started making comments like...bm just doesnt know how to handle a kid like him....dude? ayfkm? i had to stop him...i do not like bm...i never will...but this is not bm's fault! dude you had 10 years to follow through with therepy, dr appts...adhd consultations...that you failed to do! lets face it...you dont know how to handle the kid!!! i told him to make sure he supports bm and any punishment she deems fit...he told me that this isnt about bm...its about ss...duh...but you as a parent need to support bm as ss lives in her house!
side note...ds7 was grumpy a few days ago and snapped at me when i asked him to pick up his shoes from the floor....dh flew off the handle and yelled..."you dont speak to your mother that way!" ....while i was sort of happy he demanded i get respect...i felt a sort of way...this is the same man that ignored ss at 6 screaming to me to go eff myself...literally did nothing...but now he wants to disipline ds...like i said....i felt a sort of way...i kept my mouth shut as he was right to correct ds....but i just couldnt help feeling annoyed at dh because he should have done this 10 years ago with ss.
Supporting BM's parenting
I heartily agree with supporting your BM's parenting. I wish we had supported ours more and maybe we wouldn't have ended up with all 3 SKs moving in. In these contentious divorce situations, it's so easy to run down the other parent. Sigh....
while she never supported dh...
i didnt think it really mattered. she was eowe...i can see how she wanted to go go go and do things with ss ...she only saw him for 4 days out of the month...
dh never supported me...never stuck up for me...he loved being the super awesome dad dude that never doled out punishments and when punishments were given...he was the super hero that rescued ss from punishment...i never got help and then finally washed my hands of the whole situation...now...dh thinks i should get over the past because it is in the past...why? why should i get over it? why should i make 100% effort (with dh making none of course) in repairing a relationship with ss14 ... i really dont want to ...dh made this bed...and he is going to have to do his part in parenting. he had 10 years and did nothing...i certainly refuse to be in that position again.
DH is right IMHO. It is about SS. A kid who needs parental foot
up his ass. Every time he lips off, etc.
Sadly, apparently DH does not understand that part of the truth.
No more catering IMHO.
First infracton that warrants it, call the cops and let him live some natural consequences for his actions.
i predict
he will be in jail before the year's end
It is comparatively rare for people to go to jail for no reason.
If he goes, he will have earlned it in all liklihood.
Maybe he should
face consequences for a lot of things, if DH and BM will enforce them. If one of my kids snapped on me over a phone charger, that would be the end of their phone. And, a name like that means no social media or access to electronics other that what's mandatory for school. He thinks he's in charge and can do/ say as he pleases...and he will until he's shown otherwise.
As hard as it is, he needs discipline, but you already know this. BM and DH can hopefully call a truce long enough to agree on punishment and expectations.
I'm sorry this is happening.
unfortunately...
neither bm or dh will enforce. kid is still posting snaps and tic tocs...and on his xbox. i know because the emails come to my email. kid spent $50 on xbox this week alone. i can see what crap he looks up on the xbox. its pretty gross.
i cant speak on bm household...but when ss lived with us...dh would take his xbox...but give it back the next day. same with the phone...ss would whine...omg he whined and cried and refused to get out of your face about it...dh always gave in because he would just get sick of hearing it...to me this is infuriating...
In 2010 my DH took away OSD's
In 2010 my DH took away OSD's phone for being sassy. She flipped her lid and attacked him , breaking his shoulder. If you do not make it clear to SS now , who knows how far he would go next time.
this is what i am worried about
like i said before...i dont like bm...but i dont want harm to come to her...i really believe he will soon go off and someone is going to get really hurt.
"(Parent X) only see's them Y days per (Period)"
Such is the world of indescrimant breeders who make a poor choice of mate to spawn with.
Wrap it before you tap it and no glove no love prevents having children that are rarely seen.
Even in those cases, a parent's duty is to raise their child with standards of behavior and standards of performance regardless of if they have their kid full time or EOWE, or whatever frequency may be in place with a CO.
It is sad that a parent, and kids do not live in intact families nad home. However, Disney parents are chosing to fail as parents.
IMHO of course/.
"(Parent X) only see's them Y days per (Period)"
Such is the world of indescrimant breeders who make a poor choice of mate to spawn with.
Wrap it before you tap it and no glove no love prevents having children that are rarely seen.
Even in those cases, a parent's duty is to raise their child with standards of behavior and standards of performance regardless of if they have their kid full time or EOWE, or whatever frequency may be in place with a CO.
It is sad that a parent, and kids do not live in an intact family or home. However, Disney parents are choosing to fail as parents.
Life does not deliver what someone wants. Life delivers what they earn. Kids need that lesson. Shit behavior as a kid should not return cushy parenting. Shit behavior as a kid should return an escalating state of abject misery.
IMHO of course/.