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2 months of mostly peace, but then

IAmTheMeanOne's picture

DH comes in this morning after he spoke with his mom.  BS7 was supposed to spend the weekend with them since they havent seen him much since January (btw we live 15 minutes down the road from them)...but now since ss14 is not going to his basketball game because he has stomach issues this week, he has decided to come down to their house.  Now i have made it completely clear to keep bs7 away from each other due to past sexual misconduct in January.  i asked dh if they forgot that they already invited ds.  dh was like...oh he will be ok mom and dad will watch it....yeah i am not ready for that...ds is still so little and i dont trust them watching them...


DH says i need to get over it...i need to facilitate a relationship with ss14 and forgive him because i am the adult...and i should let him back in my house every weekend.  no...this is not going to happen...i have spent 10 years getting shit on by the kid...his parents (dh included) and the grandparents...has bm put him in extensive therepy?  good lord no....hell...the kid still post songs on tictok about licking p** and 'shup bish and put your legs behind yo head and take it" ...but he is a child...*eyeroll*...look...i dont want my son around that...i am literally nothing and do not need to facilitate anything with the kid....dh was like but but arent nothing you are my wife and i need your help and  dude you go to your parents house to visit your kid...facilitate your and your parents facilitated that i am nothing that kids whole this point...i dont fucking care but i refuse to put myself in the position to get shit on again or my son to get shit on again.  


I am happy dh is finally being a parent to ss...i honestly am...i only ask that if plans are made i need to be told the plan and not an hour in advance...(that really pisses me off mostly because if dh is gone...i am making a point to do things and go places with friends...but we need more than an hour notice!)  dh said...get (dh) relationship is repaired now with ss and we have no issues...really?  did ss call you at all this week?  nope...he dont need money because you gave him cash last did you find out he was coming down this weekend?  oh yeah...because he called your mom...great relationship buddy....


I admit...i take forever to get past people that dump on me...i never forgive...lord knows i never forget...but i am not ready to get past has be only 4 months since he acted inappropriatly towards has not been enough time that i wont get emotional about this...the worst part is that dh thinks this was blown out of proportion...teenage boys act this way to little brothers...and that i really should just get over never supported have always let them dump on me...and you refuse to protect your 7 year really dont think ill be getting over anything.

ESMOD's picture

Your husband knows the boundary.. your younger son and SS14 are not to see each other.. period.  His parents should know that as well... and should have told SS14 that they could not host him t his weekend due to a prior commitment.  I am not saying that this means they are preferring BS7... but they accepted an obligation with HIM first.. so SS does not get to override that.

DH needs to tell his parents that the boundary is the boundary.. they cannot host both kids.. and that they had BS7 first.. on the agenda.. so if they are hosting older son? then his younger son can't come.  

IAmTheMeanOne's picture

so do his parents!  i told them in january face to face...told them why as well...since january they have seen ds a total of 2 times maybe an hour each time...january! they see ss each weekend whether him down here or they drive 2 hours for a basketball game...

honestly i do not care that they havent see ds the last few months...ds really is not bothered by it...but it is seriously crappy they do not want to see ds unless ss is there...i am seriously creeped out that telling them all the details of the behavior...that they are only wanting ds over when ss is there...

Survivingstephell's picture

We aren't talking about average sibling rivalry, this was worse. Way worse and  it looks like you are going to be the ONLY one to put your bio first.  Stick to your guns.  Do not fall for the gaslighting.  Your SS is sick and needs help.  He's not getting it from what you wrote so I'm on your side, they are not to be near each other.  SS is an unproven entity.  4 months?? I'm livid for you.  I'd seriously question DH's sanity.  

IAmTheMeanOne's picture

same on the sanity...dh told me that his and ss relationship is repaired and going have seen him 4 times in a few months...dont know what school he goes to and does not know if he is still failing (again)...but boy they can talk some basketball and video games!  no talks of nasty behavior...hell no talk of why there were knives behind his bed...

CLove's picture

And so do his parents.

You will need to hit him over the head with the clarity of the truth of things.

And you are NOT nothing. You and your BS are EVERYTHING.

Rags's picture

Get an RO/PO on the pervy Skid keeping him away from your BK.  Take it out of your SO's clearly poor judgement hampered decisioning and out of your IL's hands completely. That pervy Skid should have the Scarlet Letters  PERV indellibly attached to him until further notice IMHO.

Show me yours and I'll show you mine is not an abnormal part of young children growing up together.  However, a teen perving out on a single digit aged child... nope.

Perv-boy needs to be segregated from your child and the rest of the family should not have the ability to question that or facilitate Perv-boy being anywhere near your child.


This is not a forgive because you are the adult thing. This a SO needs to pull his head out of his ass and protect young children from his Perv-boy failed family spawn.


IMHO of course.

There are some things that can not be tolerated even once. Much less adults facilitating repeated risk to a victimized child's wellbeing. Even when it is their child that is the one who needs to bear the never ending consequences for their chosen behaviors.

Protect your child.

IAmTheMeanOne's picture

but, but, but ...they are brothers and i am a horrible person from keeping they away from each if they ever played together...ds cannot stand ss due to him always being mean to him...

i thought about the "adult thing" all weekend and i swear i got of my arguments was that they did not want ds the last few months at all....they could have come or we could have taken him over any time ss was not there but they did not bother...dh's comment?  i have to understand that they are umcomfortable coming here (to my home) because of me....ayfkm?  they have in the past 10 years, come to my house and talk smack about me in front of family and friends...they have made rude comments to me in front of dh (him doing nothing)  and treated my older daughter like a stranger to the point that she refuses to see them...i am the one that sucked it up and was the adult for 10 effing years taking the abuse...but they cant come get ds or have someone take ds to them as long as ss isnt there because they are uncomfortable? sounds to me like they need to grow the eff up and be adults.


2Tired4Drama's picture

The focus, and ONLY focus, should be to protect your son. Hard stop. 

Why are you spinning about this upcoming visit? It's an easy answer - no. It doesn't matter that these people have been rude, have talked smack, have been mean to YOU in the past, etc. etc. etc.

The only thing that matters is that you need to protect your SON. Don't you agree?  If so, then what does the rest of this even matter? Why would you even entertain the possibility of leaving him with these people without oversight?

Despite your DH exhibiting head-in-the-sand ignorance and refusal to acknowledge a problem, that does NOT negate your RESPONSIBILITY to protect your child.  Don't you agree?

There is something seriously wrong with your SS and it sounds like he has probably been the victim of abuse himself. You've been in his life for 10 years so who could that possibly be?  It's often a family member (a parent/grandparent), family friend or could be another "trusted" adult like a friendly neighbor, coach, teacher or clergy member. 

If there is a way to inform SS's school that there may be abuse, I'd let them know.  Many times you can do so anonymously.  I will then only repeat what Rags told you back in January:


Submitted by Rags on Mon, 01/09/2023 - 9:07pm

And you tolerate your idiot husband why?


Flush the trash and his shit gene pool.  NOW!

You let your SS hump your 7yo child's face?  YOU are allowing that. Why would YOU allow that to happen at all much less continute to serve your own young child up to this failed man, failed father, failed husband and his shit spawn.  Why are they still in your life and the life of your 7yo.

Grow a pair and solve this problem. Permanently.




SMto3's picture

I don't know that I could ever forgive or forget of any of my DD's brothers did anything remotely close to what your Ss did to your DS. Don't feel forced to have a relationship with him, because I wouldn't either! That kid has issues and he needs to be as far away from your BS as humanly possible. 

Kloewent's picture

My older son  never did anything like that to his brother. They fought and wrestled and broke things, but never behaved like this deviant asshole. I think this situation sounds set up by your MIL and I would be suspicious if she ever asked for your son to stay again. I can't even think of a word bad enough for your husband.

IAmTheMeanOne's picture

this is not normal behavior at all...this isnt two 15 year olds dirty talking to a bunch of girls or d-checking each other...this is a kid that is almost 3 years to an adult dirty talking a seven year old...this is a kid that threatened to rape girls...rape for god's sake!  

Rumplestiltskin's picture

This kid sounds like a pervert far outside of the normal level of pervert behavior expected of a kid. He sounds like he either can't control himself (most kids save that kind of talk for their friends in the locker room, and have the sense not to post it to social media accounts their parents can see), or he has been parented so badly that he really thinks it's normal. The fact that your DH says it's normal makes me think that in their family, maybe it is. Ew. 

IAmTheMeanOne's picture

dh thinks that ss behavior was just him being a stupid teenager and he just needed to get away from his friends...this is what dh said friday night...saturday night he took ss over to his friends house down the street to spend the night...the same one that was with him in january...the same one that told my daughter and her friend that they were throat goats...the same one that talked about jizz in his mouth at ss's birthday last summer as he was right next to the grandparents...

got to get away from the friends?  you mean the ones that go over to your parent's house and you allow ss to go to?  

Rumplestiltskin's picture

What did the grandparents say when he talked like that in front of them? I'm getting more and more suspicious of this family. Keep your kid away from all of them unless you are there to supervise.

ETA wtf is a throat goat? Please tell me they aren't into animals too...

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Also ETA my best friend in 5th grade was molested by both her stepdad and grandfather. They would make weird sexual references and jokes as a family, too. Just really bizarre shite like comparing the breasts of every female in the family from grandma to baby to various different foods. Your in-laws and ss are starting to give me those vibes. 

IAmTheMeanOne's picture

they have never made sexual least not that i ever heard... but i do find it strange (and commented to dh several times before) that they will not take ds unless ss is the highly favored child...i have to protect my kid...i told them that in january...they said they have to protect ss...ok...from what?  all i ask is that you keep the boys away from each other...nothing more nothing less

Winterglow's picture

They are desperate to make their little prince out to be the victim in all of this but the gaslighting isn't working on you. Whatever happens, you have to keep them apart because if you actually allow them to be together it will be assumed that you have wiped the slate clean - and there is no way on this EARTH that particular slate can be wiped clean. 

Stick to your guns. You are in the right.

IAmTheMeanOne's picture

they didnt say a dang thing!  i got ds and left that time...i had a "tummy ache". 

i had to look up throat is definatly the most pervy xxx talk

Patience2000's picture

You can't forgive a pediphiloe. He's damaged. Don't forget what the kid is and protect your son. I hope you can proetct other children as well, if the opportunity arrises.

Winterglow's picture

I agree and I wonder about your DH's childhood if he thinks that this kind of thing is normal between siblings. Scary.

IAmTheMeanOne's picture

honestly...i think it is dh parents...dh is 100% through the week...but then his parents start getting in his head...they think it wasnt that big of a deal and i am blowing the january incident out of wasnt just the january was all the behavior throughout the years...january was just the straw that broke the camel's back...the biggest issue is that i do not believe that any of them will keep ds i do not trust it all all...none of them have ever punished the kid or even talked to the kid about the shit can i trust that they will intervene?


simifan's picture

They won't. They are burying their heads in the sand about SS's aggressive bullying sexual behavior. You have, unfortunately, fed this by not pressing charges. DH & his parents will continue to do so until forced to face it when SS faces charges for assaulting someone they can't bully into "boys will be boys" because the assault is too severe to hide. Your DH & his parents are raising a sexual deviant. I would have no respect for any of them. 

DH & his parents won't protect your DS. It is up to you to do so. Protecting DS would be my deal breaker. DS & SS do not have any contact or your divorce & will make sure they do not have any contact by court order. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Your out-laws (NOT calling them in-laws) are toxic garbage. Their despicable behavior towards you for years is enough to prove to me they have zero place in your DS's life. How they treated your daughter is just icing on the crap cake. 

"...ds is not really bothered by it..."

I'm thinking there is something more to this and maybe DS is not old enough to articulate exactly what's going on or the 'vibe' when he's over there. For your H and his parents to quickly move past something so serious is terribly disturbing. 

Don't let DS go over there. They can eff off. It would be no surprise if they're filling his head with lies and BS about you. DS is your priority. Protect him. {{{hugs}}}

Winterglow's picture

This is just me being nosy but ... what does your daughter think about SS? Has she ever mentioned any dubious behaviour towards her in the past? 

IAmTheMeanOne's picture

mostly he is an a-hole...all he ever did was talk nasty in front of her friends and a few times he stole her underpants....she is older than he is and still lives with us....she has tried to talk with him for years about his nonsence but nothing ever stayed with him...last year when we were going on vacation dh mentioned that ss will be going with us...she told us that she will not go if he goes...she is with me saying the behavior is off and is totally backing me with not letting ds around ss....she may be my dd but she is an adult and i raised her to have her own thoughts and opinions even if they are not in line with mine...

and she has felt uncomfortable at dh parents...she noticed years ago that they treat her different...ironic how the inlaws look down on me because i treat ss know what? yes i did...if he were my son i would have spanked him earlier...i raised one to adulthood without drama (and from a girl...lord knows i was prepared for crazy girl stuff...nope...she always came and talked to me about adult things and rarely ever had meltdowns) my kids have not ever acted in any way remotely like ss.  

Winterglow's picture

Oh boy, so he's a panty thief too ... His pervy bingo card is filling up fast. And does your husband think that's normal too?

IAmTheMeanOne's picture

that is the issue...he thinks it is gross...but refused to do anything  or say anything to him....DH is a very lazy parent with ss...he always has been...

2Tired4Drama's picture

But it seems like it was deleted. 

IMO, any adult who has reasonable suspicion that a child is at risk from, (or is inflicting abuse) then they need to report it.  If not, then the adult will eventually have to live with the fact that more abuse will occur and more children will be involved.  And they have to look at themselves in the mirror knowing they could have stopped it. 

2Tired4Drama's picture

There is a very long list of professions/jobs which are listed.  If someone's job were in any of these categories, and they don't report, they are in violation of law. 

"In Georgia law, it designates certain professionals as mandated reporters of child abuse or neglect [OCGA 19-7-5(c)(1)].

If you are one of the following people and have reasonable cause to believe that a child has been abused, you must make a report, immediately but no later than 24 hours, to your local DFCS office or law enforcement and are subject to criminal penalty for failing to do so.


CASA - Court Appointed Special Advocate

Call Center Agents

Case Manager

Child Service Personnel

Child Service Personnel Volunteer

Child counseling Personnel


Community Agency

Counselor/ Social Worker


DHS Staff

Daycare Facility/Provider




Family Violence Shelter

Financial Institute

Foster Parent

Foster/Adoptive Parent

GAL Atty/ non Atty

Guidance Counselor

Hospital or Medical Personnel/Volunteer

Hospital/ Clinic


Intake Case Manager



Law Enforcement Personnel


Medical Facility Staff

Mental Health Personnel/Professionals


Other Mandated Reporter

Other Shelter

Other State Agency

Parole /Probation Officer

Parole/Probation DJJ/Officer or Staff


Physician Assistant or Intern/Resident


Pregnancy Resource Center Personnel

Psychiatrist Registered Nurse/ Nurse Aide

Religious Leader


School Administrator/School Guidance Counselor

School Personnel

School Psychologist

School teacher / Visiting teacher

Service Provider TANF (Temporary Assistance to Needy Families/DHS-OFI)

Staff Reproductive Health Care Personnel


Volunteer Reproductive Health Care Facility

Volunteer School Social Worker

Volunteer to Psychologist

CLove's picture

As I stated in your first post. And get ready to PRESS CHARGES. Do NOT allow BS or BD near that sociopathic violent turd.


IAmTheMeanOne's picture

dh is responsible...rules of the house were ignored...any punishments i made were over ridden by dh...including allowing his parents to override my rules and punishments...not a week went by were ss was not in trouble at school or in the neighborhood...i would forward all mail and messages to dh and while i apoligised to parents and teachers for bad behaviors, i was only sm and schools did not talk with me...

i blame the inlaws as they were told of the behavior...and praised it...i 100% agree that dh gave them that power but as "good christian holier than though" people...i honestly thought better of them...

i certainly dont blame bm...she checked out a while ago but i honestly did not expect her to uphold any punishments as eowe a matter of fact...if dh ever bitched about her not giving punishments...i defended her and turned it back on dh...i do criticize the therepy though...we had gone to 3 sessions years refused to come...dh quit it after that...


Rumplestiltskin's picture

There is only so much a stepparent can do if the bioparent isn't on board. However, one of the things you CAN do is make a CPS report. That will force therapy and oversight. 

AgedOut's picture

I think, for me, it boils down to one thing: protecting your child from a predator. 


You need to repeat the word "no" over and over to not just your spouse but your in-laws, your SS, and anyone else who wants to put your child in harm's way. 


"No. I will not let my child be near SS"

"No, you won't have my son at your house w/ a known predator"

"No, I will not back down" 

"No I will not let it go" 

"No I will not agree with your parents so you can let them walk all over you. If this child means so little to you that you are willing to appease your parents by endangering him then you are not the man I thought you were, you are not the pare3nt I thought you were and I cannot trust you with my child" 



grannyd's picture

You nailed it, Hon! I wish that I could upvote your post about a hundred times. Clapping

Notthedoormat's picture

You absolutely have absolute say of where your son goes, when he goes and who he is with. And SS is not on the list. It sounds like SS is broken,  possibly beyond repair and either way it's not your problem to fix.  Your responsibility is keeping DS safe and that requires keeping him away from SS.  The simple answer is tell grandparents that DS cannot be in the same place as SS for known reasons.

Reporting to CPS might help...they can at least maybe alert SS's school and make it known to school counselors that there's a reason to watch his behavior and take any reports of misconduct seriously (they should anyway). 

I think DH needs to understand you mean business and making a police report is one way of keeping your child safe and maybe opening his eyes to the gravity of the situation. 

As a little girl of 11 or 12, my babysitter took me and her son, the same age as me, to her cousin's house.  Her cousin had a son a few years younger that I was and this kid said sexually explicit things to me and grabbed at my chest....I was mortified and scared and embarrassed.  My babysitter's son smacked at him and told him to knock it off. I didn't want to go back to the babysitter but my parents didn't have another option for me while they were at work. For a while, the babysitter didn't take me back to her cousin's house so I wouldn't have to be around the kid,  but after a while it was back to the same old same old. I just wouldn't be with that kid when an adult wasn't around.... And now as a 40-something grown woman I can tell you I grew up avoiding that kid my whole life and it made an impact on me that won't ever go away.  Dig in your heels and know this is a hill worth dying on.