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Parenting in a new world

justmakingthebest's picture

BS17 has a really wonderful group of friends. These are just genuinely great kids, they are the super smart, goal oriented, high achieving kids in high school. 

This year a Trans kid has joined the group. He has had a hard time making male friends but BS and him have clicked. Last night BS invited him over. I had asked if this was planned to be a sleepover or just hanging until curfew. BS said just hanging he thinks, but nothing definite. I told BS that I wasn't sure how I felt about it. At the end of the day, this person still has a vagina and he has a penis. So I had to figure that out in my mind first, so talk to me if anything changes.

Well, I woke up this morning and the kid was asleep on one couch and BS on the other. Surprisingly, I felt at ease with it. I'm irritated we didn't talk about it but I am letting it go. I made sure to tell the friend he was welcome back any time and make them a yummy breakfast. 

This is such uncharted territory for me. One of my best friends since I was 14 is gay. There was never any denying it but we weren't allowed sleepovers. So, I just wasn't sure how to handle this one. I am still a little in my head with it but I figured his parents, who are really involved, were ok with it, we are probably safe ...

I am curious on other people's thoughts. DH and I keep going... we think this is fine... but maybe not... but probably...

I just don't want him to not feel accepted.


Ispofacto's picture

You did a great job raising BS and you are seeing the results.  There are a lot of problems in this world,  but too much love and kindness is not one of them.   Follow your instincts and trust him and yourself. 

Big hugs to you lady!


Crspyew's picture

And you've raised a good kid.  Being a teenager is so hard and must be so much harder for your son's friend.  You & your family realized his friend is a person, a fellow human who wants all the same things the rest of do.  

Rags's picture


Your DS had a friend sleep over.  A male freind.  Or at lease someone who identifies as a male.

I get the plumbing is not male. Pregnancy can happen, etc...

My son is gay.  He came out at 22. He had a couple of GFs in HS but was not sexually active.  His group of friends used to tease him about not having any sex drive at all His group of friends were all in the band, good kids, etc...  He could have worked his way through all of the young women in the band if it had been motivated in that direction.

He had his epiphany on being gay when he was 18 and he and his HS female BFF spent Spring Break together the year after HS graduation.  The cared for each other very much and there was sexual tension between them. For two weeks they road tripped the Gulf Coast and Texas Hill Country sharing a room, a bed, showers, etc... It was then that SS knew he was gay.  He said as much as he loved her, he was not sexually attracted to her.

We did not have this to parent through when our son was in HS.

You are a good parent. You are doing great, Your DS will be fine. Hopefully his trans friend will be fine as well.  Regardless of how the friend idenrifies, your DS needs clarity on the wrap it before you tap it and no glove no love mantra. Both to avoid a teen pregnancy and to avoid STDs.  Both can be life long consequences of teen intimacy.

My own SS is an example.  DW had him when she was 16.

Good luck.

justmakingthebest's picture

Things can always happen, but I don't think sexual attraction is going to be a situation. But you never know! Condoms are always under my kids bathroom sink and all their friends know. I don't ask questions, just keep the box full. I know how I was as a teen and I am way to young to be a grandma!