I was more or less baffled... I don't know why anything with BM surprises me anymore though; stuff like this happens all the time, yet still surprises me. I am trying to focus on the good visit though and looking forward to the next one. 

Rags, I have always valued your opinion, but you are also on the opposite side of things compared to many on this site including myself. You are fortunate to be married to the BM, which puts you at an advantage. We have dispelled lies told by BM when we can. At one point, BM informed SS that DH had 50/50 physical custody and that DH was trying to take more than half. DH explained that that was a lie and worked SS through our custody arrangement and the math that equates to 15% visitation. BM once told SS that DH was a literal sperm donor and that BM and GF were his real parents. DH provided SS with proof of the court ordered DNA test and SS' birth certificate, listing DH as father. DH also noted the timeline showing that GF didn't enter BM's life until SS was 5, making it impossible for her to be his "Mom." SS once told DH that his football starts in June according to BM, which prevents us from having summer visitation; another lie, which was dispelled via the official team schedule. 

DH is not naive and he has documented everything. We have a filing cabinet filled with thousands of pages of emails, texts, photos, academic files, sports schedules, court orders (both past and present), etc. all highlighted and color coordinated with proof disproving BM's lies attached to each and every one. We have not gone through our proof with SS as we feel that it is inappropriate for his age. He is already in a forced loyalty bind due to BM, why show him all of that at 10 years old and give him more of a complex than he already has? 

The reality of our situation is that we have zero custody; no physical custody or legal custody of any kind. This is due to BM and DH being unwed at the time of SS' birth, automatically granting BM sole custody by default. DH (and I) have faced so much documented emotional and pyschological abuse at the hands of BM due to BM having sole custody and using SS as a weapon to continue to abuse DH. DH has been through 2 different custody battles with BM, each lasting a year or more, getting him nowhere regardless of proof provided. In 2019, we took BM back to court for joint legal custody and more visitation, since we are long distance and she started abusing the CO again. I cannot tell you how many nights and how many hundreds of hours across several months DH and I spent sifting through documentation and arranging binders of evidence to provide to our attorney, the judge, and others involved in our case. After $30k in legal fees (which we didn't have), a year of court hearings, and a completely traumatic court experience filled with abuse and false allegations, a judge told DH to "pay child support, accept the 6 weeks of visitation you already have per year, and let SS go." Why? "Because a child needs their mother." Case closed, end of story. It never mattered that we provided proof dispelling BM's lies. It never mattered that we had SS' best interests at heart every single time. All that mattered was that DH was the father and BM was the mother, giving BM the upperhand in a biased system. The judge also advised DH that any motions submitted to modify visitation in the future would not be entertained and that the current custody arrangement would stand until SS aged out. So our reality is that DH has 57 days of visitation per year and no legal custody, which limits his ability greatly to stop the PAS and minimize the fallout of BM's abuse for SS. Instead, we have been forced to accept the situation for what it is, through a year of counseling, and we try to enjoy our time spent with SS, hoping that by not putting SS in a loyalty bind, he will eventually see who was there for him and who never made him choose between his parents. 

While I appreciate your answer essentially being "bar BM's ass in court and slap her with the CO," that answer does not work for every situation, especially the fathers in this severely broken court system. Many fathers like my DH have fought tirelessly and continue to fight, but never have a chance in hell at winning, simply because of the anatomy between their legs. Any disservice done to SS at this point is caused by the family court system and there is very little we can do to fix that while SS is still a minor. 

BM likes to project in all instances. It is classic narcissistic tendencies. She will always state how much she does for SS, knowing that she does nothing, but then acts like DH does nothing either, when DH does everything he can. DH is a great parent and he has never looked for kudos or praise for being a Dad. Unfortunately, our CO permits anyone to pick-up SS, so if DH emails back about GF handling the pick-up, BM will just highlight that section in the CO and try to bury us in abusive messages again. It's not worth it because regardless of the truth, we are never right according to BM. BM is always looking for a fight and a reaction from us and we are not going to give her the satisfaction. DH documented that GF is the one who handled pick-up and he filed it away with our other documentation. 

As you know through your situation, sometimes it is just better to let it go than to fight BM on every little thing. It is clear that our DHs are never going to win in this flawed system, so at this point, we are solely working to protect our own sanity and limit the emotional and psychological abuse we have to endure. We can't help SS long-term if we are broken ourselves from enduring continued abuse. 

We hope that is the case. SS is drastically different at our house versus at BM's, so it's hard to know which SS is the true SS. I think it's who he is at our house though. We just never pressure him and we let him actually be a kid. He doesn't have to practice sports at our house. He can play, do crafts, build forts, etc. which he said he can't do at BM's. We just embrace the time we have with him and look forward to future visits. 

We can only hope.