You are here

It's been a long time... The skids are all adults now

zerostepdrama's picture

It's been since 2018 since I have posted here.

I'm having some mini terror flashbacks reading my old blogs.

I will say...for me... as the skids got has gotten better.

#1 I think I have changed my mindset, how I process dealing with them and what I will and will not let affect me.

#2 I feel more stable & comfortable in mine and DH's relationship and where we stand.

#3 DH is kind of a shit father and not super involved with the skids and gskids. He wants to be a parent when it's convenient for him. So this still at times causes problems at times. We are better with talking through them but I will say it's still a source of contention at times.

Overall I think things are better but I wish I was in a marriage where I didn't have to deal with the skid issues because they are always there... lingering in the background.

Major thing is that the many many years I spent pushing boundaries around my home, marriage and life when it comes to the skids has really exhausted me and made me annoyed with DH. I think he resents me for pushing these boundaries (though he enjoys the peace and quiet from the skids) because he feels like it has affected his parenting. Which is kind of funny because he wasn't doing a great job anyways.

BM is pretty non-existent in my life thank goodness. (especially considering she only lives about a mile from mw) Only resurfacing to speak with DH on occasion because the skids are out of control. To which she ignores that DH is married to me or gives "her permission" for me to be involved with stuff with the skids.

So here's an update on the skids... for those who remember me or anyone who wants to feel like they are reading an episode of Jerry Springer. As a reminder I was once involved in PotatoGate where the problems all started many many years ago with OSD making potato salad at my new house. LOL

OSD: married and divorced with 3 kids. Separated from her DH in October 2020, moved in with her new BF the same month, for them to split up in January 2021 and she started dating a new guy (who I'm pretty sure is on drugs) in May who she is living with. She doesn't work as far as I can tell.
We are on cordial terms. Finally after many years. We can be in the same room and around each other and be friendly. That is the extent of it. Her and DH don't talk or see each often.

SS: No job, on drugs, full blown drug addict. Warrants out for his arrest for theft. Got shot in a drug deal gone bad in Feb. Got his kid taken away. Wrecked his car.
Drug problem got really bad summer last year to which I kept telling DH but he didn't believe me. I'm not stupid. DH was just ignoring what was really going on. Finally put a stop to him coming over in October when he came to the house and was nodding out. DH had a little contact with him since he got shot.

MSD: Also a drug addict. She went from being an LPN to a drug addict. Both of her kids live with their dads (granted through the court). She was supposedly living in her car, but that got re-poed. She's been pistol whipped and shot at. She also was living with OSD's ex (who is also a drug user). I haven't had any contact with MSD in at least 6 years when she put her hands on me. DH has had minimal contact as well.

YSD: Got pregnant in HS, married her BF and he joined the Air Force. They are actually doing really well. We get along and can have genuine conversations.
She reached out to me in the winter time and apologized for "hating me" for so many years. She recognized a lot of the issues had to do with her dad and that not everything was my fault. It was a very unexpected conversation but felt good to talk through everything. I thought it was very mature of her to even bring it up.

So yeah... it's better but still skid issues in some ways.



advice.only2's picture

Wow that's a lot, I don't remember all your stories, but the potatoe salad thing sounds familiar.  Sorry your DH is still so in denial about his attrocities.

zerostepdrama's picture

I think he will always be in denial. Its easier then working through what the truth actually is.

SteppedOut's picture

Holy wow! That IS some serious Jerry Springer quality BS! 

Don't worry... I sm sure there are plenty on this board that will grow up to be just as bad...or worse. 

Posts like this are great to remind me 1. how happy I jumped off the "blended" family train and 2. to never think about jumping back on!


Aniki-Moderator's picture

Good to "see" you. At least things are tolerable with half the skids. The other two... holy wah!

hereiam's picture

Hey Zero,  I was just wondering about you last week!

Wow, that is really too bad about his kids, seems that YSD is the only one doing well.

zerostepdrama's picture

HI! I hope you are doing well. Yeah DH just said the other night "YSD is the only one of my kids that is doing good." he said it kind of sad.. but hey that is partly what happens when you don't parent.

CLove's picture

WOwza what a trail of misery those kids have left...

Glad you are doing well!!!

bearcub25's picture

Hi Zero.  Nice to hear an update.   I have to agree about being with someone with kids, adult or minors.  While things will be moving along and peaceful, 1 phone call can destroy the peace in a second.  

Sometimes I still can't believe so many of us 'old timers' skids have finally reached adulthood (in age but maybe not maturity).  

I remember when SD and I finally made peace and were able to have a comfortable, adult relationship.

zerostepdrama's picture

HI! With the skids it's like they are always there in the background. And since it's not a good situation it's like this lingering "darkness" of drama and stress. Especially since every phone call or visit is drama related.
We did though have a nice visit with YSD, her DH and kids and no one brought up the other skids. We just enjoyed hanging out and I really appreciated the visit and thought to myself... THIS is how it should be.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

It's good that YSD has been nice to you.  Maybe the time far away from the rest of the family in another country gave her some perspective.

zerostepdrama's picture

Yes-100% her being away def. gave her time to see things for how they really are.
They just moved back to the States recently and she's been to visit 2 times since then. It's actually been nice and I have enjoyed the visits. She has 2 kids now (4 and 1) and they are well behaved kids. Such a change from a few years ago and where she and I were. She has def. matured A LOT. Makes a big difference. But I have matured and grown as well.

The_Upgrade's picture

If you had started with YSD I would've probably thought "wow she's made a mess of her life". But after reading about the other skids by the time I got to YSD it was more like "oh, finally at least one of them got their shit together. Good on ya YSD for not getting shot at!"

zerostepdrama's picture

I know it's crazy... I am glad that DH does have some boundaries when it comes to them because otherwise there is no way we would survive.
I don't know how BM's BF deals with it and all the drama.