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Why can't I get used to this

LOLA_EG12's picture

Where do I start? 

I hate this step parenting bs. Been on this miserable boat for damn near a decade and I just can't get used to having ss in our home. Ss isn't even hear most of the time but when he is my life is a nightmare. I feel like a prisoner in my own damn house. Get no damn privacy what so ever. Talked to dh about not having ss in our room period because I'd like a space for myself. Dh has talked to ss numerous times and it's like it goes in 1 ear and out the other. Last night he barged in while I was getting dressed. Doesn't help that BM is a narcissistic cunt who will call CPS on a dime, but why does he feel so entitled to be able to walk into our room whenever he pleases. Dh had to talk to him yet again after that. 

This morning I've had it up to my head with him and making my other 2 children cry. I need him to go home, having him for 7 weeks in the summer is unbearable. Dh seems so disengaged with him now for a couple of years. I wish he would just let it go already and give BM custody. Call me a bitch if you want but if dh doesn't seem interested in ss then why continue this shit show?????

I can keep going forever but I'll stop hear. 

tog redux's picture

You can't get used to it because it's miserable to live with an undisciplined bratty kid who invades your home for 7 weeks in the summer. 

Tell DH he either parents his kid, or you no longer agree to any summer visitation.

And get a lock on your door.

LOLA_EG12's picture

I wish so bad I could tell dh that I dont want his child here anymore but all I can do is bite my tongue and come here to vent yo keep from going insane. 

We do have a lock but if ss sees that dh is in the room he feels the need to come in even though he has to be reminded to get out each time. I wasn't even out into the open I was I our walking closet coming out dressing myself and dh had to warn me that ss was in the room. Then dh went out and I could hear him say for the 100th time, this is why your not allowed in our room, I told you I would go in your room in a min. Doesn't freaking listen.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

DH is your problem. He did not give SS a consequence for coming in the room. He talked to him and that was it. The kid isn't going to change his behavior until DH starts actually parenting - which means consequences, not just talk.

LOLA_EG12's picture

I agree. Dh hardly ever gives consequences. Its always all talk and nothing is done when a rule is broken. 

grace8205's picture

But I would start locking my bedroom door especially when getting dressed. Would SS like it if you just barged into his room? If the answer is no then start doing it to prove your point  

Doublehelix's picture

Yes it's annoying that you have to change your habits to accommodate, but locking your door will at least give you a little peace and solace. My SD7 was raised with the door wide open when anyone goes to the bathroom. So basically the bathroom is a free for all no matter what anyone was doing in there. Nasty, hell no I wasn't abiding by that, so I ALWAYS lock the door no matter what I'm doing. Same for changing in our bedroom. Sometimes I'm not doing anything at all and just taking a break LOL Over time, SD has learned to realize what a closed door means and it's SO NICE to have that little bit of alone time!

shamds's picture

Door that says:


WARNING!!!!! If the door is closed, it means do not disturb unless its an emergency (this means life or death about to drop dead)


I know this might seem ridiculous but if that kid just barges in, you have grounds to tell hubby his kid is an effin idiot

i had rused upstairs to give my kids a bath so i was naked at the time with my newborn (water shortage so i didn’t want to waste  water) ss 17 never ever needed to come to our room but he knocks and walks in. Did the same at hubbys childhood home where me and hubby have our own room. I was getting dressed and hubby said you do not knock and just barge in. He closed the door on him. 

Another time sd22.5 banged on our door at 7am screaming daaaaddddeee we need the sugar from the car whilst out 2 toddlers and infant were sleeping. Me and hubby were actually having sex. When that happened all that happened in my head was “are you effin kidding me” hubby actually rushed to the door to attend to princess miniwife

never again will i be on holiday wifh them

LOLA_EG12's picture

Last night ss did it again and this time dh let him have it. He went in to get lotion and dh straight told him "you need to either knock or talk to us from the door, you are not alled in because Lola could be changing or pumping breastmilk. I talk to yesterday because you walked in on her getting dressed and you still dont get it, it's not that we are keeping you out or hiding something from you but lola needs her privacy too, if you need something you need to tell us from the door. 

Harry's picture

Not SS.       So what was the punishment????? Another talking to ?  Was something taken away from SS ?

your DH never parent SS.  He did not teach him manners, Looks like he never will.  If my bedroom door is closed.  You do not come in unless there blood involved.  

LOLA_EG12's picture

Dh I feel doesn't punish him because he feels guilty that ss wont want to visit him anymore if he does. With dh it's all bark and no action when it comes to ss.

Curious Georgetta's picture

in his son, what do you think is the shelf life for his interest in the children that you have together?

Negligent parenting is generally not child selective. It tends to be pretty much pervasive.

justblue's picture

Rather than pat you on the back and tell you how understandable your hatred of your childrens 1/2 sibling is ...I will ask you to consider this CHILDS feelings. I would bet my last cyber-dollar that this little kid knows exactly how you feel about him. You should also cross your fingers that Mom doesn't come across your comments about her...As a parent, if I read the comments like you have made here, I would show my ex. Honestly...If you don't like other peoples children don't marry a person with children.  



justblue's picture

lol...No. It's not "okay"...but not something to get so hot and bothered about. 

We have a door latch (7 bucks a Wally World)...It took 5 min's to put on the door and takes a nano second to flick into place. 

I find it...sad...that Lola is activly hoping her hubby stops visitation with his child. And I find it more that a little bit alarming how many of the others that posted on this thread don't see the issue with that. 

Rather than quietly fume and rant/vant of the net...She should have a serious discussion with her husband about her feelings. (not the ones about hoping kid goes away...take those to your grave). Perhaps even have a three way talk with sonny. 


ldvilen's picture

I think the OP has, “Dh has talked to ss numerous times and it's like it goes in 1 ear and out the other.”

I’m not sure what you’re seeing, but what I’m seeing is a child who is the victim of piss-poor parenting, on both of the parents’ parts.  And, I see a child acting out because of this.  This is a site where SPs come to vent, because, as pretty much all SPs know, as soon as we start even remotely venting about someone else’s “demon spawn” that they have created, non-steps will start coming out of the woodwork en masse, finger-pointing and implying what worthless hos we are for ruining the child’s life, without even remotely acknowledging or seeing that the parents have already done that for ‘em.

On the other hand, I don’t usually comment much about SKs under the age of 18 (usually I’m over on the adult page) because it is very difficult to say something even a smidgen nasty about an underaged child without it sounding like you are a be.atch or Wicked Witch of the West.  This is one of the many issues with being a SM.  A BM can whine and complain about her children all she wants.  A SM, on the other hand, is just expected to suck it up and take it every time, regardless.

Nonetheless, since this is a place “Where stepparents come to vent,” we do let any SP pretty much vent, and try to offer support for the general complaint, which in this case is, “What can you do with child who is so acting out, when that child’s own parents don’t really seem to give a shiatsu?”  And, how do you protect your own child from this?  Very legitimate questions for any SP.

That is what the OP is getting at, and not, as you seem to think, going after little Timmy and trying to make his life a hell.  His parents have already done that for him.  In reality, mom and dad and little Timmy desperately need family counseling, but mom and dad will never do that, because, quite frankly, they probably don’t really care, or feel they’ve already done “more than their share.”  It is impossible for a SM to care more than the parents do.  All a SM can really do, even legally, is to try to protect herself and her own.

Rags's picture

Just lock the door.  Better yet, daddy needs to grab him by the scruff of the neck and swat his butt as he frog marches him out of your room.

If this kid is a teen, I would suggest pepper spray for his pervy bedroom invasions.

JMH007's picture

I feel like all I can do is tip toe around while my SD is here. I am absolutely miserable. My husband doesn't even seem to understand how difficult it is to be a step parent. #1 straight up I am not her Mom. I feel it is t my place to discipline, I literally want to scream whenever she is here. It's a million questions all the time. I'm literally about to lose my damn mind. But you just keep swimming because it's perfect when she isn't here. I feel like an ass but at this point I don't even care.