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The Spring Break Saga

justmakingthebest's picture

Y'all get the play by play for the next few days. It really sucks that no one in my life really understands what we are going through. I have several divorced friends but they are all "normal". There isn't constant fighting or withholding of children, no drama every single day it seems... I really am so grateful for this site and being able to come here, vent, cry, complain without too much judgement. 

Here is the latest: DH's attorney texted me last night at 8:43 pm. He said that he had sent multiple emails daily this week to BM's attorney and called and emailed his office 2x each today (yesterday now). He is getting no response from the other lawyer at all. (This has been a common theme for the past 5 years).

Me: Thank you Mr. Lawyer-man. Please call DH in the morning. Is it time to move forward with the writ considering we now know that SS will be in AZ instead of with us? We don't know what the right move here is. It would be fantastic to have it carried out after SS has left and BM can spend a few days in jail. BM belives she is above the law and at this point so does SS. That is not somthing that DH or I want as a character trait in a child. Another option that was suggested to us by A's dad is that DH jump on a last minute flight and go get him from school himself. We looked at flights and as of now it would be $1800 for him to do this. My concern is that without the writ BM can simply slam the door in DH's face and the sherriff won't be able to help. So then that is ANOTHER $1800 out the window. We don't know what to do BUT we don't want her to get away with this behavior. 

Also, based on this particular judge and his history with this ENITRE case from the 1st divorce thrown out to today, we have a crap judge. We are afraid she won't even get a slap on the wrist and he will somehow sympathize with her.

Mr. Lawyer-man: Although it sounds good in theory, I don't think DH getting on a plane to go get SS himself will go over well. I know this is difficult but you also have to consider how SS will react to his mom going to jail (but that would be very enjoyable for all of the rest of us). I will talk to the GAL in the morning about all of this and see what he feels is the right course of action for SS in this matter.

 

So there you have it... BM is going to get away with all of this scott-free I am sure.  We probably won't even get our money back or a contempt ruling against her. This is Fan-Freaking-Tastic. -- Oh... BTW... Yesterday was DH's birthday. He really had a great one... Poor guy. I am so glad we celebrated with my family Monday night, at least he was surrounded by people that love him and we all talked and laughed and had a great time. 

 

Comments

Monkeysee's picture

If BM broke the law, I’m not sure SS’s feelings about BM going to jail should be the deciding factor. He needs to understand as much as she does that actions have consequences, and sometimes quite painful ones.

That said, see what the GAL has to say about it before taking action of course. I think your DH needs to ask himself what he ultimately wants to achieve with the writ. Sending BM to jail would be satisfying, but what would the end result of that decision be? What is your DH’s motive for that decision, asides from seeing BM finally pay for her horrific behaviour?

I don’t have any advice per se, I think when every attempt has failed it’s a good point for your DH to sit back & ask himself what he really wants, and what’s achievable. I don’t think he needs to give up on his kid, but he’s fighting a losing battle & that must be taking a toll on him & the rest of your family. 

I think the cruise will be a good opportunity for you both to relax and get it out of your minds as best as possible. Hopefully the time away from everything will offer a fresh perspective on what’s best moving forward. 

justmakingthebest's picture

I hope so! Some sun, sand and an amazing trip with the other 3 is just what the doctor ordered. Time to decompress and enjoy our life!

thinkthrice's picture

in western society....daddy bad, mommy saint...that is all.

and they wonder why marriage and birth rates are dropping in western civilization

tog redux's picture

This stuff sucks. BM once forced her way into the house, and DH literally shoved her out the door.  She was horrified and called the police, who told her that she could be arrested, not him - and DH declined because SS was a ball of tears anyway about the conflict (that he caused by texting BM to "get me out of here" because he was being disciplined by DH).

I wouldn't count on BM going to jail.  Honestly, the deputies may talk a good game, but they are unlikely to arrest a weeping woman in front of a weeping child for a custody violation, while she's saying that DH is abusive, and she's only protecting her baby, blah blah blah blah.

I know it's hard to give up fighting and let BM "win", but honestly, there is no "winning" on this playing field against a crazy woman.  You "win" by getting on with life, being happy and thriving, so that when SS comes back, he finds his only healthy parent well and ready to welcome him home. If he comes back to a broken dad, then BM really "wins".

And my SS is testament that they often DO come back. Don't believe the hype about alienated kids never coming back, from what I read, most of them do, though sometimes not until their mid twenties.

Good luck. No matter what happens, I hope the cruise is enjoyable.

justmakingthebest's picture

You are very right. The only "win" is DH and I go on living happy lives together...

It is so hard to throw in the towel. We still have court to deal with the last filing back in November that has yet to be resolved but after that DH and I are done. We are letting the chips fall how they may and going to move forward. 

If we wind up with the visitation that the GAL has recommended and BM continues to refuse it, we will just file for contempt ourselves. No more lawyers. We already have done 2 hearings via teleconference, there should be no reason why we can't continue to do so. 

Chmmy's picture

Insist on it! He may not react well but it's a lesson for both of them. I wish my DH would grow a set of balls and press charges against BM. She fraudeletnly used SD19s checking acct, fraudently used her own sister's credit card, stole from her own parents & my MIL, manipulated money from family, friends, DHs family & friends and of course manipulated DH out of tens of thousands per year for 5 years til he met me....STEPMONSTER.

Someone needs to stop her or ypu will deal with this foreverr...trust me!  The only way we stopped BM was taking custody and she still managed to get money from him because she was getting 640/week and we took the kids in, the cs didnt stop for maybe a month. He didnt get that back of course. She still gets out of paying things because DH has no balls. She also gets away with murder cuz she pays $50/wk for 3 kids+ 1 in college. The only reason she helped with a small amt of the college expenses is I threw a fit when DH asked for money...hell no. Seperate finances for a reason, ask BM for a small portion of the $50,000+ she owes you.

justmakingthebest's picture

I agree, if someone does not knock her off her high horse she will never stop and only get worse.... which I don't know what else she could possibly do but I am sure she will think of something.

We already: Had to fight tooth and nail to get medical, school, etc- and still only get bits and pieces, Have 0 contact with SS, She refuses to respond to anything, She lists her boyfriend as Father on everything she can and we have to go back and change it all.... Refuses visitation, Refuses to let DH's family see SS....I don't know what else there is! 

Chmmy's picture

Im sorry the courts are so unhelpful to you. It must be hard to spend so much money on a kid who is so disinterested or PASd or whatever you'd call it. Manipulated? Thats one of my fave words to call skids.

tog redux's picture

The trouble is - the more you fight, the worse they get, and the more damage they cause to the child.  So don't see it as a battle of wills, see it as "what is best for SS" given the current circumstances.

One of the things that helped DH was that his own attorney advised him to give up fighting because it was not best for SS. I was ready to walk, and that helped too, but it really is not good for your SS to be dragged into court endlessly because of this fight between his parents, and the more you fight, the more pressure BM puts on SS to take her side, and to lie for her.

Alienation takes place in the context of fights for custody.  You are not "giving up", you are letting go.  And even if DH gets custody (he won't), she will continue to alienate him, so that's not a win.

Really - take a breather and focus on yourselves and your marriage. It's "letting go", not "giving up".

Willow2010's picture

There is something seriously wrong with this BM.  She needs to be taken down a peg for sure.  Just hard to do it with the horrible judge you have.  Gah.  I SOOOO hope that SS does not surprise yall and show up for the cruise.  That would be terrible.  

Cover1W's picture

Well it seems like my OSD, so far, is not coming to Europe with us in...three weeks.  She has two weekends left to decide to stay with us (i.e. DH) prior to the trip and DH has not heard whether she's coming to stay a weekend or not.  DH has stated many times already this month that if she doesn't stay with us there's no way she's coming on a 10-day trip.  I mean really.  BUT he was supposed to put this rule down before he bought tickets and didn't.  So I say we're on a 40/60 trajectory that she doesn't come...but with a good chance DH will still cave.  And oh, that will very much make a bad, bad combination for me.

justmakingthebest's picture

Grrrrr.... This is the stuff that drives me nuts. Who gives teenagers these choices??? If my kids told me they didn't want to go out to their dad's house for one of the scheduled visits- my response would be quite simple " Too bad." Why is that so hard for so many BM's. Why to they get off on twisting their easily manipulated brains and emotions all up to serve their sick revenge agenda. Especially when so many of them were the ones that cheated, left, etc. !!??

Chmmy's picture

One of my girlfriens would say too bad you're going! That was her time away from the kids!