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Disney dad at his best....

tankh21's picture

So...some of my stuff was missing and one of the things was was my cleaner and apparently my DH found it stuffed in a drawer. It went on a skid weekend and of course they lied and said they didn't take it. Disney dad over here doesn't want to say something to the skids. He just said well one of them probably took it and then just stuffed it in a drawer because they didn't want to get in trouble. Well yeah but, the point is they will just keep doing stuff like this and that is the whole reason why I have tried to disengage and I do not do anything for these kids or hardly go anywhere with them. It's just ridiculous that I have to keep everything in my room because these kids can't keep their hands to themselves!@

Comments

Chmmy's picture

Cleaner? What would a skid do with cleaner. I know my skids wouldnt need it hahaha.

Dont confront the skids, it may upset them. I often thought about doing crazy things like hide their stuff, ruin it, whatever, but if I hid a controller daddeeee would be at game stop wasting money on a new one.

Siemprematahari's picture

He just said well one of them probably took it and then just stuffed it in a drawer because they didn't want to get in trouble.

^^^^^^^^^This is every reason why he has to address them and place consequences for taking things that DO NOT belong to them after being told several times. You shouldn't have to hide stuff when they are around. I can only imagine how frustrating this must be. Your H is a piece of work and I'd have a real problem with his lack of parenting and explaining to them that they need to be held accountable.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

UGH!

This is rustrating! If they're hiding it because they might get in trouble... They DEFINITLEY need to be in trouble for it! They KNEW what they were doing was wrong and did it anyways! The more your DH lets them get away with things the worse they're going to be!!!

HowLongIsForever's picture

He just said well one of them probably took it and then just stuffed it in a drawer because they didn't want to get in trouble.

So many things to unpack here.

Let's ignore whatever happened that kid would need the cleaner on the sly.

There's zero reason that a kid shouldn't be called out for being purposely deceptive, taught and/or expected to respect the home and return things to their proper place or called out on being a jerkface for the sake of being a jerkface.

If the intent and actions that led to this nonsense are as innocent as your DH likes to think why not use it as a teaching moment?  

There is a common saying in the equestrian world that, to paraphrase, says every time you interact with your horse you are training them.

You are either teaching them appropriate and desired behavior or you're shooting yourself in the foot and teaching them inappropriate and undesired behavior.  Point is to be cognizant of every interaction because whether it is your intent or not, your horse is learning from you.

Kids don't randomly grow into well behaved decent human beings.  It's not some destined, pre-programmed end game where a parent just has to ride out the whole food and shelter thing for 18 years to legal adulthood.  They learn what you teach them.  Even if it is by inaction. 

I don't understand why your DH is so averse to setting his kids up to be successful or not have to struggle through life.  From what you say he avoids parenting like it's some sort of contagious disease.  The irony is that he's the one spreading the sick.

 

 

ITB2012's picture

--"I don't understand why your DH is so averse to setting his kids up to be successful or not have to struggle through life.  From what you say he avoids parenting like it's some sort of contagious disease.  The irony is that he's the one spreading the sick."

That's my DH, too. He'd rather be on my case that I'm "looking for something bad" than go parent his kid. Really? The kid broke a rule, you found out about it, why project/scapegoat your spouse?

HowLongIsForever's picture

I think, if your DH is not willing to work with you, those are your only two options unfortunately.

None of which need to be answered here but some things to think about...

Can you define what you want, what you need, what you're currently receiving and what you're missing from your relationship not only with DH but with skids?

Where is your level of resentment, honestly? Is it so high that everything feels personal and intentional (even if logically you know that it is not)?  Can you separate the emotion from the (in)actions? 

I operate in a very analytical way.  Were I in your position I would try to truly identify what I was up against.  In the most basic and literal form.

Ex. In the last x mos. I have a dozen examples of blatant disrespect vs one or two gross teen hormone hygiene examples but over fifty examples of a clash in parenting styles.

Yes, all of it falls to your DH as their parent.  But you need to be able to recognize where it comes from in order to determine if/how you can resolve it.  If the bulk of it boils down to gross teen years your battle plan would be much different than grossly incompatible parenting theories.