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Will things ever work?!

Sydneymck's picture

My partner seems to discipline my 3 year old daughter but not his 10 year old son. It really upsets me as sometimes his son can be so rude to him and just gets away with it. He’s a massive push over when it comes to his son and I hate saying this but it makes me dislike his son at times. 

When we don’t have his son and it’s just me, him and my daughter things are great but then everything changes when his son comes. His son doesn’t even like to share with my daughter most of the time and my partner then makes excuses for him! 

The other difficult part is I’m pregnant and I’m now worried that his son will always be the ‘golden child’ and that he will treat my daughter and our unborn child differently. Or my daughter will be treated differently.  I don’t know what to do anymore as when I say anything he denies treating them differently. I love him and my daughter loves him she even calls him dad and he does so much for us both. But it’s got to the extent where I don’t want his son staying here at weekends anymore and it’s making me feel guilty. 


Please help me x


Simpleton21's picture

First of all welcome to this site!  

I experience this with my SD and my SO and it does make you resentful.  Welcome to guilty/disney dad syndrome. It is a real thing and it is really hard to deal with Sad

Sydneymck's picture

hi, thanks ever so much for welcoming me. 

Ive literally been ripping my hair out today and couldn’t wait for my partner to take my step son home! 

From you own experience does it ever stop? Like some days I just feel like breaking up with my partner and then I won’t have any of these problems. But that’s not what I truly want. 


I cannot stand the 1 rule for my daughter but several for his son. His son is old enough to know right and wrong. For example my daughter was on the iPad and he was playing PlayStation. My daughter went to the bathroom came back and my step son then was playing PlayStation and the iPad at the same time, she got upset and came and told me (I resort to hiding in my bedroom when he’s here now of fear that I will just flip) I tried to calm her down as she was very upset and did not understand. He then said to his dad well she didn’t ask for it back! That really aggravated me as she shouldn’t have to ask as she was playing it anyway. His dad then said all you’ve got to do is ask to my daughter so I then had a go at him. Like how dare he say that! Even thinking about it now is making me angry again. 


Sorry for for the rant xx

thinkthrice's picture

It doesn't get any better!

Sydneymck's picture

Wow I appreciate your comment. But am shocked. 

It’s easy to think of leaving etc but it’s harder because I love him and with being pregnant it’s even more difficult. Like I cannot imagine my life without him as apart of it. 


Im so confused :( 

susanm's picture

If he becomes the father of one of your children, he will be in your life for at least the next 18 years.  The only question is whether you will live together and whether you will have to deal with his other child.  

Sydneymck's picture

its so difficult, as we’re engaged to be married and he’s been asking if I can change my daughters surname to his surname as he does regard her as his. If anybody asks he doesn’t say it’s my step daughter he says it’s his daughter. I know he loves her and wants the best for her. 


And yes we live together. But even his ex is very difficult at times and I don’t know what she says to there son. Like his sons never rude to me but there’s certain things he says and does  which are just plain old wrong and there’s only so much I can stress to my partner that it’s upsetting me. He says it’s just my hormones with being pregnant. But it’s not. 

I feel like saying to him when he has his son they should just stay at my mother in-laws. But I don’t want my family to just be a broken up family every weekend and over school holidays and then his son won’t get to know the baby if I say that and then I will look like an evil witch. 

Mommy22's picture

Same here. My SO does not have rules/consequences/punishments for his daughter (from a previous marriage), but does for our children we have together. His daughter knows and has verbally said to me “I don’t have to do that” “daddy says I don’t have to” etc. I’m my experience, it does not get better. I have been around about 4 years and nothing has changed, nothing has got better. If anything, probably worse. Good luck to you!

Sydneymck's picture

Hi, thanks again. But my big question for you is- is it worth staying. Is the love you have for your partner worth the pain you also feel when it comes to your step child. And how do you handle it. 


Like i I believe our relationship is worth it. Especially after the terrible relationship I was in before this one. And I’d hate to rip my daughter away from him as although she not his biologicaly thats her dad like she’s a daddy’s girl. And with me being pregnant I need all the support I can get as I suffer from MS also. 


How else can o get through to my partner. Because I feel like whatever I say right now just isn’t sinking in with him x

Mommy22's picture

Honestly, idk. I really struggle with the situation and have for a long time. Everyone has a breaking point and I think I’m about there. Currently my plan is to spend some time away and see how that goes. Fortunately I do still have my own home. I’m in the process of trying to get it cleaned up so that we can stay there during the day, weekends, whatever works at first. This is gonna be a trial and error thing. I, too, am not ready to end our relationship. I do not want our children in a broken home. But enoughs enough. We’ll see what happens.