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This nightmare will never ever end!

Sydneymck's picture

It’s like my partner is just ok with me bawling my eyes out down the phone as long as his son has got a smile on his selfish little face. 

I just want to scream and tell my partner that I cannot stand your son! 

His son is refusing to go home to his mum and his mum is playing along with it just so they can keep me and my partner apart. And it’s not only hurting me it’s hurting my 3 year old daughter and after the few days I’ve had especially today I feel like blocking any calls coming to my phone so he cannot contact me and going to stay with a family memeber so when he finally comes home me and my daughter are not here. 

His sons mother has made a big deal out of my partner not seeing his son on Christmas Day and how it’s unfair that he was home with me and my daughter so now his sons playing on that aswell and there trying to say my partner should have gone to a family members but even if he did do that he still wouldn’t have seen his son because it was her year to have him Christmas Day and New Years and we were supposed to have him in between which we have done. But now there playing even more games and trying to force my partner to stay at his parents house on New Years and how his sons going to stay there now. Also knowing that I have a hospital appointment that day as my pregnancy is a high risk. 

why is my partner just going along with it all?! 

Why isn’t he putting his foot down?!

How is can a woman and her 10 year old child be so cruel. :( 

Comments

Disneyfan's picture

Your 3 year old is not his child.  You are kidding yourself if think that man would rather spend Christmas day with your daughter than his son.

Your partner is going along with this because he wants to spend as much time with his child as he can.

He should be concerned about the well being of your baby. He should also want to soend time with you. But he may dislike your daughter just as much as you dislike his son.

Sydneymck's picture

I didn’t say he was my daughters dad. 

And actually he adores my daughter. And I’ve never forced her on him. They have a special relationship which I completely understand as I have an amazing relationship with my step father even though him and my mum have not been together for years. 

Im pretty sure if he hated my daughter he wouldn’t miss her if he doesn’t see her for a couple of days. I’m pretty sure if he hated my daughter he wouldn’t of asked me if I would change her surname to the same as his. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t get upset when someone says your step daughter as he says no it’s my daughter. 

And he chose himself to be at home with me and my daughter Christmas Day not me. 

And he goes along with it because his ex will then say you can’t see your son anymore. But my partner should put his foot down and not let her manipulate the situation. 

I came here for advice and to relate to people. Not to be insulted or for someone to say something negative about my daughter. 

Disneyfan's picture

Read the blogs here.  You will find that step parents that ate also bio parents would rather be with their own kids than their step kids.

It doesn't matter what he says to you about your daughter.  His actions are what matter.  And his actions say he would rather spend the holidays with his son than your kid.

You and BM are playing the same game.  You are both using your children to justify where the man should spend the holidays.

If his ex was willing to give him extra time with the kid, your partner should have accepted, BUT picked the kid and took him to his place.

 

Sydneymck's picture

and some people like you are clearly just bitter. 

What he wanted was for us to spend the holidays together all 4 of us. But that couldn’t happen. So he spent Christmas Day home with us and then his son came to stay with us from Boxing Day until yesterday. 

I’m not playing any games at all actually  I told him to spend Christmas at his mothers as I don’t want anyone to be upset or for him to get grief from his ex. And he said no I’m spending Christmas at home with my you and our daughter babe and we can get his son the day after. I don’t have time to play games so don’t accuse me of things.

 

Instead of judging off off of one of my blogs maybe you should of read the rest instead of assuming you know everything. Stop slandering my daughter. 

 

You dont know me, you don’t know us. It’s rude and horrible. 

Want2's picture

“What he wanted was for us to spend the holidays together all 4 of us.”

But what did YOU want? You mentioned before that you didn’t want to be around his son.

 You are getting lost in your DHs actions and behaviors. You have been on a crying jag and keep looking to him to fix it.

To be honest I think you’re barking up the wrong tree. You have some personal thought patterns that only you can fix. That needs to start with you not him.

 I don’t think your expectations of him are realistic. He has a past and it affects you. That’s the reality for all of us and we can’t change it.

There is hope but it’s going to require some serious soul searching on your part. You mentioned before that you need to make others happy and this has been part of your struggle in life. I truly think this is where you need to start. You feel like the nightmare will never end but that’s because you are giving all of your power to make it end to others.

 

Sydneymck's picture

I’ve never actually said to my partner I don’t want his son around our home. I’d never do that it’s his son. I said I felt like saying that. 

I truly regret going this site. For some reason it’s like a few of you are making out like I’m doing something wrong. 

Forevertired's picture

Your partner is the issue here, not the child. He hasn’t put any boundaries in place to protect you or for your SS. He has guilty daddy issues there. They are only being so cruel because he is letting them. 

Id google about guilty dad syndrome because in your partner’s messed up head he’s probably thinking he’s doing right by his son. Your SO needs to set boundaries before he loses you, so when he does come back calmly explain this too him. 

Do the parents not have a custody agreement to stick too?

Sydneymck's picture

I know my partner is just as much to blame. His parents have always said to him he’s a push over and he needs to not let his son get away with everything. 

Like I understand knowone likes telling there kid off or telling them no. But your right there is no boundaries for his son and it cannot be like that. 

No there’s no custody agreement. They’ve never been to court. His ex didn’t want her son for the first 3 years of his life so my partner and his parents done everything and then his mum decided she was interested then. She’s well and truly played him. Like sometimes he will stand up to her and then he completely backs down. 

And me and his son do get on like he’s not rude to me etc. Unless he’s here then his mum calls then he starts getting an attitude etc. But it’s very confusing for me as I don’t actually know if his son does like me as he’s hot and cold. 

susanm's picture

Not having a custody order is going to come back to bite him.  Just as a practical matter, a custody order removes the necessity to have endless conversations about who will have him and when and where and how.  And at some point, even if things are OK now, someone is going to start playing games and doing the withholding dance.  Better to be proactive.  You do not have to go to court to get a custody order.  The parents can come to a friendly agreement and have it filed with the court for a judge to sign.  Then it becomes legally binding. But if she won't agree then it is necessary to go to court.  The fact that he was not "allowed" in his life for the first 3 years sounds like he is going to need to at least file to bring her to the table to negotiate for an agreed arrangement.  But once the fight with her just to get regular access to the kid is over then maybe he can relax and actually parent instead of being fearful and having to be fun-dad all the time.

Sydneymck's picture

thanks for your advice. Just a slight correction as it may be the way I typed it. It was my step sons mother that had no relationship with her son for the first 3 years and my partner was bringing him up alone with the help of his parents. 

 

I dont really know if its if it’s my place to say get a court signed agreement. Like my partner wants me to be apart of decision making when it comes to his son but I say to him I don’t want to get involved as I’d never want to upset his son. As I would parent him differently to the way his mother does. 

All I do say to my partner is him and his ex need to be open with each other and respect each other because they share a son. But they don’t really get on so there’s not much I can do x

tog redux's picture

Honestly, I do think you are overreacting a bit - this sounds annoying, but not a "nightmare".  The way we talk to ourselves has the power to make or break a situation.  A "nightmare" is "my entire family just got killed in a car accident" - your SO coddling and catering to his son is frustrating and annoying at most. You are making it much worse than it is, and personalizing it as well. This has nothing to do with how much he cares about you and your daughter, it's about his guilty parenting. Your SS is not trying to keep you apart, he's trying to keep his father all to himself - very different.

I don't mean to be harsh, but really, you could benefit from some therapy to help address these thought patterns that are making you miserable.  Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helps you to look at distorted thoughts and make them more realistic again.

Sydneymck's picture

I’m not stupid. My job is as a mental health nurse. My step son only plays up when he speaks to his mum and then if becomes frustrating and it’s completely not needed. And it’s got worse because she puts stuff into my step sons head and he plays on it. What she’s doing is a form of mental abuse and then he’s taking it out on his dad, myself and my daughter. 

I see how it affects the household as a whole. 

And with me being ill and pregnant on top of it. Of course makes it feel like a nightmare as the last thing anyone needs is more stress or anymore problems. We went from everything being fine and then out of knowhere all this drama started.