Blew up and overshared my opinion of his skids - now feel awful!
It happened - after 1 year of emotionally detaching myself from his kids.....and counting to 10, for hours, everytime they're here. I blew my top last night. It started as a normal conversation and it all just came out perhaps a little too much came out.....
Months and months of lazy, spoiled, ungrateful behaviour including tantrums from both SD15 and SS13 and agression and violence from SS13 all came out in a torrent of swear words at DH. I cannot take anymore, this is no way to live, they're bullies, these locks can easily be changed, if she wants to bring psycho ex-wife to our door everytime Daddy won't hand her a lump of cash then she can wait on the street or buy herself an annual bus pass, id SS13 ever gets that close to hitting BD5, accidentally or otherwise, he doesn't want to know what I would do. All of the times I have wanted to scream "GROW UP" or "STOP BEING SUCH AN OBNOXIOUS LITTLE SH*T" all came out over the course of 3 hours last night.
We ended up with the same old speeches:
"I know they're spoiled and it's my failing as a Dad, I'm a useless person etc etc etc"
"yes, they're obnoxious and you've allowed it. They're horrible, rude and sullen."
"Would I leave him if someone handed me a set of keys to an identical home?"
"Is that an offer because I gladly accept" came my reply.
I thought I'd feel better, like having therapy and finally getting it all off your chest. I do not feel better, I feel anxious and edgy and completely unable to focus at work. What's the answer? You bottle it up and it eats at you and things never improve - or you blow up monumentally in an Oscar winning performance of shouting and swearing and cold hard truths........and he looks at you as if you've just smothered a puppy. I can't apologise as it will just weaken his resolve to address their behaviour and I can't bear the awkwardness that is going to follow once they've "had their chat".........Has anyone else let rip their frustrations and felt like sh*t afterwards? I should point out that the skids were not at ours.