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Screw you "DH". I hate you and the horse you rode in on!

floridianmama's picture

5 years ago my husband randomly changed and became a different person. This happened after my stepson moved in wth us and was diagnosed with high functioning autism. "Dear Husband" And I use that term loosely, Started mimickinghis autism related behaviors. Suddenly my husband started forgetting everything, weather was taking shoes off when he came in the house, to plans that we had. Everythings become an argument he has the retention of a gnat. Months before SS moved in with us DH was laid off. Since then he hasnt worked for more than a cumulative 9 month period. His last gig he quit after 3 months because his boss was a hard ass that screamed cursed and betrayed all the managers. Now Maybe he was entitled to quit, all her managers quit on the same day and she hasn't kept an employee for longer than 6 months. Call me crazy but you find a new job BEFORE you tell her where she can shove it! This is only the tip of our problems. My company was bought out and I was laid off at 8 months pregnant so our only source of income is my tiny tiny unemployment check which is already the states Max amount of 275 per week. DH is so ungrateful of everything I do an have done to keep this family on its feet. Everything I do is criticized. I am always told what could have been changed to make dinner better, last time I checked his cooking ability was limited to picking up a phone. Yesterday Iowa's charged with making 50 caramel and cansy apples for a school festival that HE volunteered for. All he had to do is go get cellophane and ribbion. To late I realized he came home with plastic wrap. I had an hour to be ready to go with the apples. So I used the wrap. He walks in saying "I can't sell those they're terrible ". Umm how about do it you're damn self! At the festival a clearly uneducated woman tells me if front of him that plastic wrap and cellophane are the same thing after I apologized saying sorry he couldn't find cellophane . I said no cellophane doesn't tear, cellophane is the same thing Easter baskets are wrapped in at Walmart. She says no they're not your apology, of course he's loving that even though they're both wrong and continues to act high and mighty all night long. He threw a connection when my DS And I got home From a haunted house Late last night Because he complained about the soda that I bought And said I didn't get any coke. Yea I did its nit my problem that you chug a 2 liter a day. He throws the Wii remote and says "I am going to bed I hate you're voice". F U buddy last time I checked you've done NOTHING for this family in 5 years!


floridianmama's picture

Sorry for misspellings autocorrect on my phone. We all know how that goes.

Justme54's picture

Do you want to support him and his son for the rest of your life? I am so so sorry...and you are do to have a baby. I know you most feel totally lost. Get help from family and friends and GET OUT! HUGS!

oneoffour's picture

If nothing else consider how your DS and your baby will view this relationship. This will be their normal. They will go on to get involved with the same kind of people because this is acceptable to you and OK to raise children in the environment.

Start working on an exit plan. And once you are gone tell him you will return when the lease is up ONLY if he gets help and finds a job. And you both have marital counselling. His answer will tell you everything. But get out of there first.

floridianmama's picture

No I don't want my girls to grow up thinking this is acceptable of a man. Our relationship has affected our 7 year old enough not to mention my 13 year old son. I don't want the baby growing up to this. He feels entitled to do nothing because his ex wife did nothing, didn't work or cook or clean. We dated for a year before moving together and didn't marry for another 3 years. He was a completely different person! A year after we married he got lazy.

ctnmom's picture

Maybe my age (49) is showing, but hellll to the noooo am I supporting any man! 50/50's ok, but if you (and your kid! :jawdrop: ) are lolling around the house doing nothing, you're using up valuable oxygen meant for the rest of us, esp. the ones that are bringing home the bacon. Jeesh!

Blondylady's picture

There is nothing worse than feeling like you are not a priority I hope you told him how u felt

herewegoagain's picture

Hmmm...I have a child with AS or High Functioning Autism (depending on what the dr's mood is lol) and it has been a very stressful experience. It has also helped me grow tremendously and honestly, I can't imagine my world without him. There is no doubt that their gifts are many and he is an incredibly child.

With that said, I can't imagine NOT being his BM and having to doubt it would be much harder to see the positive in all of it. However, as far as your husband...I have to say that most of this is doubt in my mind. Stress really makes things much worse, I know. The fact that your husband has changed drastically since his son moved in with you is probably related to your OWN HUSBAND's autistic traits and the stress that he now has vs before. Believe me when I say that it makes a huge difference. I suggest you read a bit about adult autism/asperger's signs and see if something clicks. I have a feeling it will. There is a great book about relationships/aspergers.

Good luck...take a deep breath... Smile

PS - although it seems like it can never work, I promise you that just being aware of certain things will make things MUCH better for you both...I know, my husband read the similar book except for the opposite Smile (married to a woman with aspergers)