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OT In-laws just walk into my house A

floridianmama's picture

You would think they would have gotten a hint after our daughter was born and they randomly stopped by without knocking multiple times in the midst of me pumping. But no it's never got through.

Once again today my mother in law just walked into my house. I later daughter down for a nap then hopped in the shower as I usually do as if the only time of day I have any peace and quiet. (We have 3 other kids besides) . When I was done and came downstairs I discovered all these random things she brought over a left on my counter. She didn't knock or ring the bell the dogs will bark and I would have heard. She did the same thing last week. I don't know how to get through to her. I don't care that she called and that I did not answer leaving me a message saying that you're coming over is not talking to me. Sometimes they call first sometimes they don't. Shortly after we first bought the house they randomly popped in with friends to show off the house. WHAT!?!? I was in the process of still unpacking And you want to give someone I don't even know a tour of my home! Needless to say they did not make it past the living room!

I feel like if its a planned visit sure come on in but at least once a month one or the other will come over and just walk in. My father in law walked in twice last month because he was showing houses in the nearby community. WTH BOUNDARIES!!!!! I have never walked into my mother or father in laws house On a random visit. I call and if I don't get you I knock. I don't just open up the door like I own the place.


Missmozzer's picture

She sounds rude, but does she have a key? If not I would make sure to keep the doors locked so she can't just let herself in. If she does have a key I would ask your dh to get it back from her. If you don't want to deal with a big fuss over it, just have him tell her you lost the spare and need that one. In my case though I would def. have dh tell her to stop coming over unannounced or without talking to someone (really talking). Either he needs to or both of you do, so you aren't stuck being the mean old daughter in law. Be very firm about your expectations.

hereiam's picture

So rude! I would start keeping the doors locked at all times.

I am one who will not even answer the door when people just drop by unannounced.

floridianmama's picture

I would love to change the pin but realistically I can't. DH has seziures and there has been issues where he was bloody on the floor that they needed to get in. After DD was born in 2012 DH forgot his meds at home and had a seizure in the hospital the day after she was born. They had to go home and get his meds because I could not leave.

They are our emergency contact at the schools as well so if I can't get a kid they do and wait at our house. DH is a teacher so he can't ever leave.

I don't mind them coming and if I'm not home, its fine we are close family. But I have huge problems with them walking in when I am home. I've asked them to knock before and it has no effect.

FTMandSM's picture

That's actually a little scary, someone walking in your house while you're in the shower. I would definitely lock your doors, especially while you're in the shower. Not just to keep her out, but anyone for that matter.

I would have your DH talk to them and tell them that this is not ok to do. Be straight forward and they probably won't get their feelings hurt. Maybe they didn't realize it made you uncomfortable.

overworkedmom's picture

I don't know... I get that it bothers you and you should speak up that it does but I get where she is coming from. No one in my family knocks to go into anyone's house. We all just walk in. I am like that with my best friend too... and her parents actually. But I grew up with her family like my own almost my whole life.

Everyone is different, but if it bothers you, you have the right to speak up. It is your home.

Jsmom's picture

Take away the key...I did that to my mom. I also, now make sure the house is locked up when I am home alone to prevent the same thing...Thankfully, my mom stopped doing this after I flipped out on her one time....

floridianmama's picture

I don't mind them coming by its the walking in part that bothers me.

They don't walk into there own daughters house...just mine

StepX2's picture

Simple fix since you've tried everyting else...purchase some of those little "flip locks" at the hardware store and put one inside on each of the doors.
In-laws can still come and go when needed but when you're home and you don't want them popping in (especially since they aren't respecting your request not to) you can just flip the lock on the doors from the inside and they cannot walk in, code or not.
The flip locks only cost a couple of dollars.

Shaman29's picture

I honestly thought this was the beginning of a joke.

My former MIL wanted a key to our house (not current H's mom, but my exH's mom). When I asked why, she responded "So I can take care of exH's laundry and meals and balance his checkbook."

I replied with "Do you remember the X day of September when I married your son?"


"Good. And no, you don't get a key to our home."

" :jawdrop: "

Former MIL called every day to make sure I was taking care of her son. Asking me how I washed his laundry, how I folded it, if I was keeping the house clean, what I was making for dinner, reminding me what he liked and didn't like.

Told my exH to explain to his mother that I don't need her instructions, my mother prepared me to take care of myself and others. He wussed out and so I un-plugged our phone. This is way back before cell phones. I had three days of blissful silence before she and former FIL showed up at our door one evening.

"Why aren't you answering your phone? Where have you been? I've been worried sick!"

ExH gets up and checks phone, sees it's unplugged.

"That's weird, our phone is unplugged. Shaman do you know anything about this?"

"Yes I do. I unplugged it because you were too chicken to tell your mother that I don't need her to call everyday to check on me and how I'm treating you. To be honest, if you still want your mommy taking care of you, then you should move back home and we should get a divorce."

" :jawdrop: " (except from former FIL who was trying not to laugh)

She cut it back to every other day but I stopped answering the phone. I found out from my mother that she was calling her to find out what was going on in our lives, but I spoke to my mother even less. My mother explained that I was very independent and had been taking care of myself and helping her since I was 9 years old. And to stop worrying about her son, that I had a handle on it. Former MIL told my mother she didn't understand what it was like to have a child fly the coop.

I have two older siblings that are 5 and 6 years older had no clue what it's like at all.

furkidsforme's picture

I know how to fix this, without having to confront them.

#1- get a gun. Fake is even OK if it looks real
#2- keep it handy
#3- wait for the precious day they let themselves in
#4- jump from around a corner or behind a counter and scream "Hand Up Mother Fucker!!!!" and then start sobbing "OMG sweet sweet MIL I nearly *killed* you!!!! I thought you were a robber!"

simifan's picture

If you've asked nicely, it's time to step it up. Kick DH's ass until he takes care of his parent's boundaries... no dear we can't your parents might walk in...