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It is fair so get over it!

floridianmama's picture

Every Christmas morning all I hear from my father in law is how I over bought for the kids. This year was my stepsons10 turn spend Christmas with his mother in another state.

Times have been tough and we didn't get as much as we normally have for the kids not that they missed out in any way shape or form. I don't do presents from Santa for my step son when he does not spend Christmas with us. Santa came there. And he got a PSP. My oldest Ds13 got a 32 inch hd flat screen TV from Santa. Walmarts black friday deal. My daughter7 got an electric scooter From Santa. From us My daughter and my son got tablets And my step son got the razor car That does 180 degree turns. Exactly what each of them wanted. Every year they get a big ticket item from Santa as well as a big ticket item for my husband and I. DD1 Got less expensive gifts because she's only one. She got a ride and Little Tikes princess coup as her big gift which was only $35 on Black Friday from Santa. And a water table and a rocking horse from us which again only total $35 together. DD1 Only had like four gifts besides that From us one of which was a blanket. I had to hear about it from father in law that I bought her too much. He looked extremely ticked off when my kids opened up tablets, Mind you do your daughters tablet was a kids tablet I only spent $35 for on sale And my sons tablet was $49 the same price as stepsons razor car On Black Friday deals.

Last year my in laws bought both the boys tablets. SS Broke his in a matter of weeks Droped down the stairs cracked the screen. They were able to replace it because it was so soon after Christmas. Broken again this summer Dropping it on the tile floor Because he refused to use the tablet cover I bought him. So mother in law decided After husband and I said no more tablets for him To upgrade her own tablet and then let him have hers. This p*** me off last year I bought both the boys a 3DS for Christmas and this summer when DS13 Got his stolen on a plane either that or he left it. I told him it wasn't going to get replaced any more than we were replacing SS10's tablet. So after an argument she gives it to step son to "borrow". He lost it literally can't find it anywhere less than a month later. Shortly after that Ds13 Puts his tablet on the bookshelf And magically the screen winds up cracked when he goes for the next time. I can't say if it was step son or my dear daughter that did it Because I wasn't there but I know my son did not. He's nothing if not honest when it comes to these things. So yes he did get a new tablet for Christmas he has never broken his And spent a year taking good care of the one that he had.

2 days After Christmas is my mother in law's birthday. We are at their house To celebrate and I Hear from my husband " Did we get stepson enough for Christmas?" I said yeah actually I spent more on Him from us then I did on the other kids when you factor in the cell phone you bought him On the way to the airport. " But Oldest got a TV". My reply is so what stepson got a PSP. I know this was my FIL Chirping in his ear when I wasn't around. On one hand father in law does nothing but complain that I overspent on the kids And then complain if step son doesn't get everything that he wants along with exactly what the other kids want as well. I spent $150 from us and $175 on stepson. Its nothing if not fair. $200 from Santa on their gifts is my limit and I actually went a little under. I don't feel I have to up the amount I spend on step son just because he's not here for Christmas. Santa came there. Step son got $100 PSP just like my son got $100 TV. On years that Santa comes here for stepson I don't buy my other kids extra to match what step sons mom got him.


step off already's picture

I beg to differ. Ss13 is the first to call out that things aren't fair, that so-and-do got something better, that "I always wanted one I those but never got one".

Things are actually mostly in SS's favor also, but if thinks there's A discrepancy - wether there is or not- he'll be the first to call it out.

But that's probably because he has his EOWe bm whispering in his ear that his father should be doing more for him (though she pays no child support and contributes zilch).

It is something I am very aware of with bays and Christmas.

step off already's picture

You bet

Disneyfan's picture

No matter what mom may be saying to the kid,dad could have shut that down long ago. The very first time he counted gifts or said things were fair, dad should have given him hell. Do it one good time and it won't be a problem that is repeated.

floridianmama's picture

Honestly my son and my step son never have an issue. They don't count presents or compare with either one of them got. I treat my SS the same way I treat my bio. I view my stepson like he's a biological son and he's views me like his mom he even calls me Mom. He only sees his own biological mother twice a year Christmas and summer vacation. I catch them and your husband doing extra for stepson lying about it or saying nothing and hiding it. Like DH buying him a new phone out of our lawn mower money and not telling me until I find the receipt. DH Will ride my bio sons ass Then make excuses for stepson. I have a budget for Christmas and I try not to break it sometimes it means one will get a few more presents than the other no big deal to them because they know I treat them fairly.

I have a great relationship with all my kids including my stepson the only people that cause problems are the so-called adults. My husband will tell me that my step son says things like he doesn't think that I love him even when the night before I just gave stepson a big hug and kiss and told him how much I loved him. When I ask stepson he's bewildered and says he never said anything like that and suddenly husband changes his story saying that's what he thinks because he doesn't ever view the close relationship. Any disconnect I ever have with my stepson is caused by the in laws or my husband and I'm over it. Step son now confronts them with me.

Its only from the adults that I hear that something isn't fair even when it completely is. My in-laws favor my stepson something which is completely obvious to my biological kids even my oldest DD that share with DH. Step son is the only child that ever wants to sleep over at the inlaws. I have heard from mother in laws on mouth That step daughter19 Will always have a special place in her heart because she was the first grandchild. It used to be that when we went out to dinner with the inlaws MIL Would grab stepson and say you sit next to me. This hurt dear daughter on multiple occasions. She could never understand why her own grandmother never wanted to sit by her. My husband and I have yelled at her multiple times to stop doing what she's doing and she's wrecking her relationships with her other grandchildren. She stopped being so obvious about it the last few years but I'm afraid the damage has already been done.

At any rate I don't feel the need to go buy a bunch of crap I can afford for my stepson just so that Santa can come here as well. He knows Santa isn't real. He helped me wrapped Santa's presents and kept Santa alive for DD. And even when he helped wrapped my sons Blu ray player with wifi So that he could have Netflix and his room. All he said was wow that's really awesome One day I would like one of those. He's not jealous Or saying how come I didn't get one. He knows he'll be able to going to file something room to watch youtube videos With him. They usually spend hours hogging the laptop watching YouTube videos of Halo game walk throughs. Now I get my laptop back. The comments were made that only by a son has Netflix in his room. So what he's 13 in 3 years when he gets his license do you think stepsons going to get it too? Are19 you going to say its not fair for bio to be able to drive at 16 when step son can't at 13?

floridianmama's picture

He feels like he has the right Have an opinion about what I buy the kids for Christmas because Things are tight this year So instead of them buying us gifts They gave us $300 On Thanksgiving so I could add that to what I had already saved To buy the kids presents. What I did with the money that was given to me and how I spread it out it's none of their concern. Just because they gave us money for Christmas I gave it to us early doesn't mean they have a say on what I buy. I didn't even tell them that I had already saved $450 for Black Friday shopping. Because then all I would have heard about is how the money would be better spent on bills or saved. As it is I heard that because they knew about $150 I'd saved in change throughout the year and dumped it into coin star. Imagine if they'd know I had another 300. How far do you really think I'm going to get on $450 having to shop for four kids for Christmas especially when I still have to do Santa because my 7-year-old believes.

My father in law also feels like he can estimate what I've spent on gift by looking under my tree I what they open. I don't care that my son opened up at 32 inch high def TV. You know damn well I only spent $98 on it on a black friday deal instead of 300 it usually is because father in law went to Walmart with my husband to get it. I don't need to comment I spent a lot on my daughters kids tablet. Actually I only spent 33 dollars on it not a hundred thirty that it goes for its called price matching with coupons. Even if you want to add and that the $15 gift card that I used after buying two cases of diapers it's still only made her tablet cost $48 and I spent 49 on SS razor car not $150. I don't care that I accidentally left the price tag for my babies aquarium that show $35 I only paid 10. He doesn't understand Black Friday deals or that I wind up saving Moe than i actually spend. In the past the hundred dollars that they spend on the kids they do everything at regular price so he looks at their pile from them compare to what I buy. Guess what if you wanted to give me a gift card with the kids money on it from you I would buy in Black Friday and you would be able to give them 3 to 4 times as much and have a true comparison of how I put what I do under the tree.

I understand the reason why my sister-in-law never invites you over for Christmas with her family and kids. And why she freaked out on the chair with you that you don't care about her sons as much as you do as my husbands BIOS from his first marriage. You have seven grand kids and your favor two of them even one who never calls you and you never see. And you favor one of the four that you see on a regular basis.

As much as I hate to say it I wish my stepson would go to live with his biological mother so everything can be on an even keel here and that's hard to say because I absolutely love my stepson. The adults are the only reason why it would be so much better if he weren't here. It take such a great deal of inner strength to keep the relationship that I do with him and not favor anyone with 3 adults pushing me making me feel the opposite.

floridianmama's picture

It's ridiculous that comes from the adults and not the kids. I do have a set amount that I spend Of roughly $1000 For all for children. Notably less of the budget on DD1. If I have the income that I can go just buy them whatever they want and not have to worry about money then maybe I wouldn't have to stick so stringently to what I spend on each kid. But as it is I can't go and spend $300 on stepson from us when Santa has to come for the kids. Its b******* to say that I have to get stepson 2 big ticket items because the others got two. When stepson celebrates Christmas here next year he'll get two. Just like every other year. Maybe he'll get a flat screen TV next year depends on what he wants for Xmas. All year he's been asking for the razor car. Nor a new TV.

floridianmama's picture

I told your husband that if he doesn't feel like we got enough for step son I would sell the razor car SS so desperately wants and I know I can sell for more than when I bought it for. You can then go purchase whatever he likes with that money only. The response was no no no no no no.

floridianmama's picture

Admittedly there has been times in the past that I have gone a little nutso and even I was like woah. 35 gift for 1 kid is too much. But I had the ability to do so and being the sole provider in our house it was my prerogative to do so if I could afford it. This year they didn't get nearly as much as in years past but I still heard comments. I mean really you're going to tell me that getting my DD1and a half 6 whole presents one of which was bedding is too much?

But on the flip side he tried to convince my husband that I didn't do enough for my stepson because Santa didn't come here. So don't complain I over buy for the kids.

My kids do know the meaning of the holidays and do focus on that. My eldest has saved Star Wars toys in original packaging and when he saw a Salvation Army Angel Tree tag with a little boy with his name who only ask for Star Wars he grabbed that tag and went through his own collection pulling out gifts very nice gifts I might add. At least $100 in unopened Star Wars toys to donate to him for Christmas. My kids are very generous with everything they have. For all their faults they have a really big hearts and this innate ability of s.elf-sacrifice that you don't usually find in children. If I have two of something and not 3 there a vine for who gives it up Not who gets to have it. With to candy canes left on the tree I have all three of them saying To give it to the others Even though they would like it. They fight and brawl But when it comes down to it others happiness is more important than their own to them. Even if I feel like splurging on Christmas for them so what They're not spoiled brats and would happily give up half of their stuff if they saw another kid without.