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Reading between the lines: real guilt daddy profile on

AlexandraL's picture

I got a free weekend membership to Match and looked around...this is a real profile that was identified as a match for me (NOT!) He's an attractive man, educated, good salary but first off, his profile picture is with his two daughters (sirens going off -- emergency!) and his profile is priceless!

I am a caring, fun, athletic, Dad of two wonderful daughters. I am trustworthy and sincere. I am divorced and dedicated to keeping a friendly, healthy relationship for our kids. I would like to meet a woman confident and secure enough to respect this.
I am interested in meeting a fun, easy-going, independent woman. A romantic who is not looking for a fling. Send me an email Smile

Translated: I am going to do whatever the F I want with my ex wife because we're dedicated to coparenting and you're going to just have to deal...doesn't matter if there are no boundaries...if you can't deal with this you're insecure, selfish, crazy etc.

I want an independent woman because she's going to be alone in this relationship as I'm already involved with three other women, my two teenage daughters and my ex wife. Also, all my money is going to my ex wife and daughters, so you'll have to have your own!

I don't want a fling because I am looking for a woman to care for me, my two wives, and my house.

Interested? Email me! :sick:


AlexandraL's picture

My friend and I almost want to get a month's membership just to tell this jerk off! I so feel for the poor woman that emails him!

Doubletakex3's picture

Seriously! I would be so tempted to send him your translation. It would be good fun to write a guide to interpret profiles as you have done so aptly with this one. Similar to interpreting real estate ads (cozy = tiny, good accesss = on the highway, etc.). If you do write a guide, please share it as it would be very entertaining, even for those of us not looking, and for those who are looking it would be a great public service!

AlexandraL's picture

@Maux, um yeah! This profile came through my email; I didn't search him out! Shit, this is exactly what I am trying to get away from! Ug, it is depressing and I've decided not to try online dating again. My exbf is now on there though! After telling me during our relationship that us having a child "would not be good for SD" he suddenly wants children AND someone younger than me! Good luck to this woman! I don't know how he could support a wife and a new baby!

Exactly, this guy needs to break down the woman so she will be compliant evidently...

dragonfly5's picture

Isn't interesting that we on steptalk would see that bio with very different eyes today.

Three years ago I would have said what a great man who loves his daughters and wants to be an active parent. He looks like someone I would want to send a message too.


Today I would say RUN LIKE HELL!!!!

smileygirl's picture

Biggrin Funny you say that. More than 6 yrs. ago when DH told me on his first date that he had 2 children who came first in his life and always would, I thought....awww what a wonderful man and caring father. Now, if a friend told me a man said that to her I would just tell her to run, I would consider locking her in a closet until this man was safely far away from her.

AlexandraL's picture

Exactly! These men think that by trying to be "Best Dad in the World" that we'll see them as endearing, responsible, etc. I suppose I thought the same before I went through hell with a "Best Dad in the World Wannabe". Now, this kind of talk is a red flag.

What is truly worrisome is that the first sentence this man uses to describe himself as a father of two girls. Is this his entire identity? I am the mom to two great kids but I certainly would not put my role as a mother out there as the first thing to describe myself.

If he's so focused on being a dad and having a "close" relationship with his ex wife, maybe 1. they should have stayed married til the kids go off to college or 2. he should not date a woman until his kids leave. It's absolutely unfair to expect some woman to enter into a situation that is guaranteed to cause a relationship to fail!

Omg, I am so pissed!

Doubletakex3's picture

Exactly. I signed on to be a friend, lover and life partner NOT to be a martyr. I'm not dying for HIS cause.

AlexandraL's picture

Exactly. I don't have tunnel vision on my end with regard to my children so why would it be ok for me to be with someone who wants me to live my life for his kids only when I don't even do that for my own children?

When a man is only focused on his wants/needs/desires and those of his kids, he isn't ready for a relationship and shouldn't drag a woman into his mess but it seems like these men NEED a woman to help them cope. What an unhealthy basis for a relationship!

Btw, "needs" are subjective...

dragonfly5's picture

"Without having to experience it!!" So true, but when I tell my friends how difficult it can be. They someone how think it will be different for them...

jojo68's picture

The only person who really knows how bad it is for me is my son and BIL GF...she has said many times she could never do it if she were me (BIL has no kids)and that she has never seen a kid as bad as SD. I used to think that people had to be making this stuff up until I lived it.

Jsmom's picture

Sounds familar...DH told me early on that his kids would always come first. I should have taken it further that I will always come last. I should have run...But, at least he is better now and I actually think I have moved up on the food chain...

Doubletakex3's picture

This was one of the trick questions I asked FDH when we were contemplating a relationship (having been through step hell before). His response was that he would always be there for his children but believed that one's parter needs to come first in order to create the foundation of the family. Fortunately, he had also had a failed marriage with skids and he was on the receiving end of the dsyfunction. I can't say whether he would have the same perspective had he not been thru step hell himself but I'm glad that he does.

Wisdom is hard earned.

Disneyfan's picture

Gotta give him credit for stating all these things up front.

Any woman who doesn't share his views, would be crazy to get involved with him.

I bet many women will just ignore what he is saying and focus on "He's an attractive man, educated, good salary"

AlexandraL's picture

True! I think most people think "putting the kids first" means doing what it takes to raise healthy, productive kids, and not caving to ridiculous demands out of fear of losing affection, etc. I put my kids first but they're not the only factor; I also matter and as the adult I take everything into consideration to make a decision that is good for everyone.

Maux, exactly! This guy made it a point of bragging about what he does for work and his salary...he wants a piece of ass who is willing to put up with a bunch of bullshit...

AlexandraL's picture

@Mustang 1 -- why would a woman want that? Btw, red flags are flying if the man has custody because that means most likely the BM has mental illness, is deadbeat, etc. Sorry, I can't deal with it. Actually, it is SO hard that I am 100% sure a stepfamily is not for me. I'd marry a man with kids but not a man whose kids are still at home, no way. I will never live with a man's kids, ever, ever again. I'm not interested in building a stepfamily; I just want a good relationship with a man. It would be nice, however, if my kids and the man had a warm relationship...I'd be so happy about that.

jojo68's picture

Could be...but I met my DH online dating and he never said a think about his kid until I met him. Sometimes deadbeat dads will write stuff like that to try and cover up what they are really about. Just another perspective :?

Auteur's picture

Before we were all in StepHell, we mostly all thought "isn't it SOOO refreshing to see a loving father involved with his kids after the divorce?"

Now we KNOW better!!!!

Isn't there any place in there where you can say "NO KIDS!!??" I know the eharmony site asks you five zillion questions on their profile including several about children. ..

"So you are a heartless evil bitch who doesn't want to be around another va jay jay's crotch droppings and the endless drama that this entails?" Yes/No

skylarksms's picture

OMG...when I first found out that DH had two kids AND that he rode his bike across town just to be able to SEE them (no license at the time), I thought (as a single mom might), "What a great father. What a wonderful person to have in me and my son's life."

Little did I realize, he was doing that because he had no visitation order set and control-freak PB (BM) told him that was the ONLY way he could see "her" children. Of course, she would hit him up for extra cash and fixing things around her place while he was there as well. AND FREE BABYSITTING!!! YAY for PB!!

AlexandraL's picture

Omg, I am laughing.

Here's the isn't REALLY about a man having is about a man MANAGING his life -- taking care of his OWN shit instead of asking ME to 1. help him carry it 2. take one for the team 3. expecting me to be his shrink and help him work through all his issues vs. just being his partner and enjoying life!

I'm not expecting men not to have a past...I just expect them to manage it, just like I manage mine. People can't control other people but they CAN control how they themself choose to deal with the people who give them grief.

Hell, I am a fantastic catch -- I shouldn't have to put up with any spoiled child/crazy BM/MIL drama.

Does this man exist? F?

Gabriels Mom's picture

I think women in general have given the impression that an involved dad is a good guy. But as usual they don't actually listen and warp it to what they think women meant. Also, I think they become these insane super dads because the courts have been favoring mothers for the past few decades so they think they could lose their kids at any time.

I met a guy once who got mad at me because I didn't think bringing his daughters along on our first date was appropriate. I just thought that was insane.

DH told me about his son when we met. That his son was very important to him but he also wanted a family. He told me he had issues with his ex but didn't complain too much about it. I think he was afraid I would run away if I knew how bad it was. He tries to keep me from having to deal with it but that's hard because it's usually SS that tells me the craziness that is his mom.