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OT: Friendship

zerostepdrama's picture

How many friends do you have IRL? Average. Do you have a lot? Not many?

What is your longest friendship?

How many Best Friends do you have and how do you determined what is a best friend?

What makes a good friend?

Do you have friends from Step Talk or other online groups?

Would you agree that it is hard to make friends the older you get? Why or why not?

Would you agree that it is harder to maintain friendships as you get older? Why or why not?

How does Facebook or other social media affect your friendships?

Comments

mommy0104's picture

How many friends do you have IRL? Average. Do you have a lot? Not many? Not many...I choose to be that way because I've found the more friends I have, the more drama I have. I needed to make my "inner circle" a lot smaller.

What is your longest friendship? I have one friend that I've been friends with since 3rd grade, so roughly 25 years.

How many Best Friends do you have and how do you determined what is a best friend? I have 1 best friend. I've determined that she's my best friend because we've been there for each other through good and bad times. She's open and honest with me and has had a positive effect on my life.

What makes a good friend? Someone who is honest, open, someone you can trust, someone who likes you for you and someone who isn't fake.

Do you have friends from Step Talk or other online groups? No, I wish I did, but I don't.

Would you agree that it is hard to make friends the older you get? Why or why not? Yes, because the older I get, the worse my social anxiety gets. People scare the living daylights out of me.

Would you agree that it is harder to maintain friendships as you get older? Why or why not? For me, yes, because myself and my friends all have kids, marriages, jobs, etc..basically with the hectic schedule of life, it's been harder to make time for friends. But honestly it may depend on each person, there are many people out there better at managing their time than I am.

How does Facebook or other social media affect your friendships? Social media hasn't really affected any of the friendships I have. One thing I'd like to do is meet some of my Facebook friends IRL..there's a wider variety of people online and I have "virtually" met people online that I have a lot in common with and I think would be great friends.

zerostepdrama's picture

How many friends do you have IRL? Average. Do you have a lot? Not many?

I have a lot of friends. I come from a small hometown and have a tight group of friends from there.

What is your longest friendship?

My best friend and I were born in the same hospital room! We have been friends all of our lives Smile Almost 34 years!

How many Best Friends do you have and how do you determined what is a best friend?

I have 5. 3 from HS and 2 from college. They are the ladies I tell everything to and are the ones that I always make the most time for. They are my soul sisters. I wouldnt think twice to protect them. Each friendship is different in its own way. I also have about another 5 very close girlfriends.

What makes a good friend?

My friends are like family. Some we dont talk for a few years but pick up right where we left off. This is true of my hometown friends. Being there for each other.

Do you have friends from Step Talk or other online groups?

Yes ST and another group. Some I text, FB message, etc.

Would you agree that it is hard to make friends the older you get? Why or why not?

Yes. Just being too busy to maintain and nuture a new friendship. Plus since I have such a great foundation of friends, its kind of hard to allow new people in my life because those older friends already meet so many of my needs.

Would you agree that it is harder to maintain friendships as you get older? Why or why not?

For me, yes. I've been busy with life- work, kid, husband, house, etc. I dont live close to any of my closest friends. Distance is the biggest thing. I feel guilty at times. I used to be the one to pack up my BS and go to my friends and stay for the weekend and travel. Now its too hard. Plus I have DH and a house and BS is in sports and school.

How does Facebook or other social media affect your friendships? Its good in that I can keep up with what everyone is up to. But at the same time I think Oh I saw them on FB, I dont need to make an effort as much to actually see them IRL.

SMLIFESUCKS's picture

How many friends do you have IRL? Average. Do you have a lot? Not many?

2, so not many. I just lost one very good friend to cancer last year.

What is your longest friendship?

20+ years, the friend I mentioned above

How many Best Friends do you have and how do you determined what is a best friend?

I have no best friends. I use to be besties with my friend above but some things happened when her mom watched my kids and it put a wedge between us, even though we both loved each other as friends.

What makes a good friend?

I would have to say, someone who is there for you when you need it as you are for them when they need it. I have fair weather friends alot of the times, because they are there for the good but drop off during the bad. Sad

Do you have friends from Step Talk or other online groups?

I have friends from another online group, I talk to about 3-4 of them. One of them I talk to at least weekly, was daily but life is moving fast.

Would you agree that it is hard to make friends the older you get? Why or why not?

I've always had trouble making friends because I don't like fake or pretend people.

Would you agree that it is harder to maintain friendships as you get older? Why or why not?

Again it's probably just me, and life does get in the way.

How does Facebook or other social media affect your friendships?

Most of my fb friends are more of accquaintances and we exchange pics of our kids, we knew each other from jobs, hobbies (poker) or school.

zerostepdrama's picture

LOL! I love your responses to my OT polls! You crack me up. This is why I consider you a FRIEND! You make me laugh.

Aniki's picture

How many friends do you have IRL? Average. Do you have a lot? Not many?

I have a handful of close friends - we talk every month and get together every month or 2. A number of good, but more casual friends I see 2-3 times a year.

What is your longest friendship?

My bestie and I have been buddies since we were 5, so 45 years.

How many Best Friends do you have and how do you determined what is a best friend?

I have 2 best friends - my sister who is 3 years older and my bff from Kindergarten. No way to describe it other than we "click". We think along the same lines, enjoy the same things.. Most importantly, we can tell each other darn near EVERYTHING.

What makes a good friend?

Someone who is supportive of you; there when the chips are up OR down. Good relationship, doesn't talk behind your back, keeps a secret.

Do you have friends from Step Talk or other online groups?

I have a few friends from online.

Would you agree that it is hard to make friends the older you get? Why or why not?

I think it is harder because I've become less trusting as I've gotten older. Especially when I find that some I've known for DECADES have no problem telling people randomly things about my personal life.

Would you agree that it is harder to maintain friendships as you get older? Why or why not?

I think it's become EASIER because of technology: cell phones, texting, internet...

How does Facebook or other social media affect your friendships?

I have reconnected with quite a few people because of FB - people I hadn't seen for years or even decades! We now make it a point to get together at least once a year. It's wonderful to reminisce about things with people who lived it!

Maxwell09's picture

I have two bestfriends, and a group of five or six friends (also friends with BM so they are all shallow, light friendships without personal info shared)

My longest friendship is with a member of the group and its been 13 or 14 years; the other group members are a close 10 to 8 years long

The first bestfriend I have known for 11-12 years and she's the one married with kids like me so she helps a lot with understanding the parenting struggles I go through whereas the other bestfriend is my sorority sister and I've only known her for 7 years. She helped keep me straight when entering StepLife that I wasn't the one who reproduced, I chose college not babies and that's the goal I had to prioritize and anything else (helping DH who was BF then DF at the time) came after. She kept me fun for my college years that I was dating DH and dealing with his stress. They are both bestfriends equally because they fulfill different roles for me.

I'm not close to anyone here on STalk, and I've only lightly made friendships on Twitter with a couple of other pregnant mommas, it's all light and casual as Id prefer just in case BM finds me which she has a knack at doing.

What makes a good friend to me is someone who is supportive and honest with you even if they don't agree with your views. I also think there has to be mutual respect for each other as a person for a friendship to work out. I don't care for any friendships that are strictly gossip sharing or that are based off of a mutual hate for anything or anyone.

I don't think making friends is hard these days but you have to want it. I can charm the pants off of a room but Id rather stay home with my husband reading a book. I've always felt that the more friendships I try to maintain ends up with another lacking so I just stick with the two bestfriends that I am there for no matter what and then keep in contact with my group of friends for holidays and special occasions. I'd say that social media helps connect people but I've deleted most of my friends off mine; I only have relatives and the two bestfriends on Instagram and I dont have a Facebook.

misSTEP's picture

How many friends do you have IRL? Average. Do you have a lot? Not many?

I would say that I have a few really close friends and a lot of friends who aren't as close to my inner circle.

What is your longest friendship?

Since 3rd grade. I am almost 45 so 37 years.

How many Best Friends do you have and how do you determined what is a best friend?

I feel I have 3 best friends. My DH, my friend from childhood and a friend in town. I guess with all three the ease of having conversations with them. My friend in town and I can talk on the phone for 4 hours easy and have more than once.

What makes a good friend?

The ability to check you when you are overreacting in a nice way, to be there when you truly need them and to make you question your own beliefs and grow as a person. Plus the ability to understand my sometimes warped sense of humor.

Do you have friends from Step Talk or other online groups?

Yes

Would you agree that it is hard to make friends the older you get? Why or why not?

Yes because we don't go out and meet people like when I was younger.

Would you agree that it is harder to maintain friendships as you get older? Why or why not?

Yes because everyone gets so busy with their own lives. It is easy to forget about making time for others who are important but not part of your everyday life.

How does Facebook or other social media affect your friendships?

I think it has helped me keep up with other people's lives who I haven't actually met with in a long time.

Unfreakingreal's picture

How many friends do you have IRL? Average. Do you have a lot? Not many? I have quite a few friends. Good ones. The kind that I can go long periods of time without speaking to and can catch up as if we spoke yesterday.

What is your longest friendship? 30 years.

How many Best Friends do you have and how do you determined what is a best friend? I don't really consider anyone a BFF. I'm too old for that.

What makes a good friend? A good friend is someone that checks up on you when you are feeling blue. A good friend is honest, even when you don't like what they are telling you. A good friend will have your back, in good times and bad. A good friend can listen when you need a shoulder to cry on.

Do you have friends from Step Talk or other online groups? Yes.

Would you agree that it is hard to make friends the older you get? Why or why not? It's never been hard for me to make friends. However, I have become quite picky in my 40's. I don't like drama & high school pettiness. If I sense some tacky shit brewing, I bow out slowly. I don't have time for meaningless & fake friendships.

Would you agree that it is harder to maintain friendships as you get older? Why or why not? I think with age you know yourself better. And in doing so, you are able to weed out the type of people you want around your personal space. I have this one friend that I really enjoy as a one on one, we are very close, but when she is with her DH she spews all sorts of negativity and nastiness because she is very unhappy in her marriage. So I have decided to never again go on a family vacation with them as a couple or go on date night with them. They make DH and I very uncomfortable.

How does Facebook or other social media affect your friendships? FB has strengthened friendships with my friends and family that live all over the US & Dominican Republic. It has also helped me weed out the type of people that I don't want in my life. You can tell a lot about a person based on their updates. There are those on my friends list that I keep there because they'll be insulted if I delete them. I keep them separate from my Close Friends list. I also hide their news feeds because 9 times outta 10, I am not interested in what they have to say.

Tuff Noogies's picture

0. no friends. i'm really pretty antisocial.

my definition of "friend" is currently not met by anyone in my life. i have acquaintances, and coworkers that i am very friendly with (a few i'd even hug and tell them that i love them!), and we'll all talk about our personal lives and all that. but those relationships are first and foremost work-based, and if employment ended, we'd all move on w/o maintaining contact.

my BFF is dh. my other BFF is my brother, tho' we rarely talk.

my definition of a friend is someone with whom you just "click". you share many values and characteristics, yet value eachother's differences. you are loyal to eachother no matter what (unless of course it's a dealbreaker). you can rejoice in eachother's triumphs, and you can cry on eachother during low times. great lengths of time may pass before spending time together, but when you do it's as if that time never passed.

i dont have any friends irl from STalk, but there are some people here i definitely feel a connection with.

"make friends"? i dont like that phrase, so i dont know how hard it is to "make friends" as one gets older. if you'd like to increase your circle of friends, you put yourself in situations to meet people with similar tastes and ideals. (personally i choose not to). but either the connection happens or it doesnt, it's not something to be forced or created. and if you try to "make friends" but are having difficulties, u'd need to reexamine the situations u're placing yourself into, AND reexamine yourself to see if you can make any positive changes within yourself.

and finally - lol the only "social media" i have is STalk!