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OT: How do YOU deal with one-uppers?

SteppingUp's picture

We all know the type: my day was worse than yours, my day was better than yours, I'm going to compare everything of mine to everything of yours and somehow mine will always be better (or given the situation, worse). I've known plenty of people in life with this type of personality...and it usually is something easy to shrug off and let it blow over your head, especially when that person isn't someone close to you. But what do you do when that person is a good friend? Or the significant other of your best friend? I'd love to share ideas on how you all deal with these personalities.

We're (fiance and I) gradually becoming more and more annoyed with fiance's best friend's girlfriend. She's become a friend of mine, although I wouldn't consider her my "best" friend -- however we happen to spend a lot of time with them because we have kids the same age and it's nice to have another couple to do things with. Let me call them Bob and Hannah.

Hannah is jealous that we got engaged before they did, and it continues to crop up in conversations. After she saw my ring, she started explaining what hers will look like (the type who picked out the entire ring and told Bob that if he doesn't get THAT exact ring she doesn't want one). She of course mentioned that it costs $4,000 and asked my fiance how much mine cost...which was her ATTEMPT at one-upping, but DF wouldn't tell her how much (although I think it is around $3,000, which is why he won't tell me because he knows I would think that's ridiculous).

Hannah and Bob got a new tv a few weeks ago. She has been gloating about their HUGE ASS TV ever since then, and we just keep kind of rolling our eyes at each other, becuase it's hilarious because we have a big-screen plasma also. Woopdie-doo. She keeps bringing it up every chance they get. They came over this weekend and Hannah asked us how many inches our TV is. I was like, "I don't know." so she started asking Bob how big he thinks our TV is, then of course mentioned that their new TV is 55 inch and that she thinks ours looks smaller than that. So DF, LOVE HIM, he pulls out a measuring tape and says, here, let's settle it. He measures our TV and OMG it's a 52". Hooray they win the battle of whose-tv-is-bigger... DF just wanted them to quit already! HAHA!

I could go on and on...if I'm having a bad day and call to vent she's got something worse that's happened. When I found out I was pregnant and I was excited, she was excited too yet of course has had to tell me what SHE had happen or what SHE bought and compare it to what I have. They got a new puppy and ever since compare their dog to our dog (which is ridiculous because theirs is a chihuahua and ours is a lab) and constantly put ours down for being so "huge".

I know it's totally an insecure and jealous thing when people are like this but it's really driving me crazy! The other day I made a mock-up of my invitations for our wedding and showed them to her, and she said, "Well everyone is just going to throw it away anyway, it's really not a big deal." The world revolves around her....GRRR!

Anyway, what are some of your stories about one-uppers? How do you deal?

Comments

Asher10's picture

my mom is a one upper when it comes to misery.if i vent something to her,she has ten things to vent to me that are so much worse to her than my piddly problems.
One uppers make me nuts but i haven't found a constructive way to deal with it other than i just stop sharing things with the one uppers.that's the only thing that has worked for me.i keep more and more things to myself now.

happymostly's picture

wow that girl sounds horrible! Reminds me of one of my friends from high school, she wasnt so much the one upper type, not as much as Hannah seems to be, but when we hung out, she always had SOOOO (sarcasm!) much drama going on. Anytime I had a problem, I couldnt talk to her about it because it would be brushed to the side because we HAD to discuss the latest drama that was her life. lol everything was going sooo bad (sarcasm again lol) for her. Every topic we talked about somehow had to revolve around her and her 'drama'. I just got so fed up with it. So after high school I have barely talked to her since, has a 2 year old now and STILL in the same position she was during high school; no car, still lives with parents, and no job (until like 2 months ago!) so now anytime we ever talk, its the drama of her daughter's father. GRRR I dont really have any ideas on how to deal, I just quit talking to her! I wonder what Bob thinks about his gf? I guess if they are planning on getting engaged soon, then i guess her ways does not bother him!

SteppingUp's picture

To answer your question about what he thinks of his girlfriend, he gets pretty annoyed with her. She's pressuring him into marriage and we can all see that, but he's at that "age" where he wants to have a family (she already has a kid) and he's ready to be the family man. He's taken on the role of fatherhood in her daughter's life, which is another reason he'll never back out. We feel bad for Bob but he also won't really listen to anything anyone else says. She wears the pants in their relationship.

I was saying to DF that it sort of sucks to have "friends" that you can't share happy moments with. It's like we dread the day they get engaged and get married and get a house and if they ever have a kid together...because it'll be constant comparisons to what we have or have done. What kind of friendship is that when you DREAD the good things to happen to your 'friends'?

happymostly's picture

sounds like bob is stuck so to say! It is hard to be 'friends' with someone if you can't be yourself with that person or share moments with. That girl I mentioned, she would always say we were best friends. I never said that we werent (not to her face atleast, just wanted to avoid that drama) but in my mind I was always thinking it felt like she was using me, to just have someone to talk to about herself, to make herself feel better, but I never got anything in return. Are there any other friends that you and your fiance have in common that are couples as well? If so, maybe try spending more time with them and spend a little less with hannah and bob.

DaizyDuke's picture

DH's ex GF (not BM) was like that. Apparently all she cared about was the name brand of her clothing, designer purses, designer shoes etc. and making sure that EVERYONE knew about all the "things" she had and that everything she had was better than what you had. DH and all of his friends and family said she was awful, always thinking she was better than everyone and really.. who cares?? The funny thing is DH is so down to earth and could care less about that crap. Don't get me wrong, we like to have nice things, but our world does not revolve around making sure everyone else knows what we have.

I think these kind of people have a deep, dark insecurity for some reason and feel they have to elevate themselves with their "things" in order to be "someone" when the fact of the matter is THEY are the only ones that care.

She'll die a lonely old maid surrounded by all of her "things" that nobody else could give two craps about.

SteppingUp's picture

Haha love your responses/ideas. I'm totally using the dog one next time she freaks out that my dog is so huge that he makes so much noise when he walks... hahah! It's so hard not to say stupid little comebacks to things! Like she was saying my dog "is such a frickin MOOSE" (and not meaning it in a nice way) and I wanted so badly to say, "Well I'd rather have a moose than a rat"....but I bit my tongue so as not to stoop to her level! Smile

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

This actually sounds like most of the people I know and stupidly have allowed it to go on for way too long.

The key is to walk away and / or ignore them. They crave the attention. Wink

Rags's picture

Time to have fun with Hanna and Bob.

1) You call that a dog? That is not a dog it looks like a rat. That is a snack for a real dog.

2) It sounds like the ring you wish for is very nice. But ... it is good to want.

3) Wow, a 55" TV. That is great. Our' is 52. The three extra inches cost you about $150/inch. Not a good investment in my opinion. With the money we saved on the 52 we are flying to Vegas.

Now, here is the coup-de-gras. Photo shop up some receipts and paperwork for high dollar purchases like a Rolex, a vacation home, plane tickets to Bali, private schools for your kids, etc... then before they come over, strategically place the receipts where Hanna will see them. When she asks about them say "oh, excuse me I meant to put that stuff away" and don't say another word about the stuff no matter how much she bugs you.

It will drive her nucking futz.

}:)

My BIL and his wife have this problem. He lived with us for several months after he got out of the Army. We had recently bought a new home in a very nice neighborhood.

When he finally made it back home he quickly married a girl who had a crush on him in HS but who he did not remember. The first inkling I had of their superiority complex was when we visited them the summer before they married. We stayed with them. He took great pride in showing me his pre-fab plastic shed and bragged about how much bigger it was than my pre-fab plastic shed. :? He also waxed eloquently on their new computer and how it was newer than ours. He happily showed off their new/used cars that were newer than ours, appliances, etc....

They married 6mos later and called on the back from their honeymoon (that we paid for) to share that they just happened to buy a pregnancy test on their way home and they got pregnant the first night they were married (3days earlier). They were pregnant when they married and they knew it but my wife had SS out of wedlock as a teen mom and they were trying to show superiority. Selling the illusion of the wedding night conception of my niece was some kind of big deal for them.

They bought a house shortly after that. They made sure to spout that it was bigger than our first house, etc, etc, etc....

We never said a word until their house was foreclosed; their cars were repo'd and they had to declare bankruptcy. A farm laborer and a grocery store clerk just can't hang with a graduate degreed engineer and a graduate degreed CPA. Not that we ever were in competition with them.

When we heard about their financial collapse we sent them a card expressing our sorrow for their situation and wishing them success in the future.

These people are a blast to fuck with and will untimately be their own downfall.

Have fun!

SteppingUp's picture

I totally agree with you that those people will be responsible eventually for their own demise...and that is one thing that truly sucks about being connected to them. If, for example, Bob ever does get out of his situation with Hannah, then she will be devastated and expect me, as a friend of hers, to help hold her pieces together (so to speak). It's just a weird situation to be in.

I also agree that you just have to learn to have fun with them! We generally can laugh most of it off, but there are certain times where you just want to be a smart-ass and say something back! But this type of person would also take that personally (you know, they can dish it out but can't take it).

SteppingUp's picture

Ohhh tall poppy syndrome! YES YES this rings familiar....it's definitely ONE thing to one-up and have their own ego issues, but it's a complete other thing when they are ridiculous and try to put you down in the process. I HATE THAT.

ddakan's picture

I think it goes something like this, you reply: "I'm quite a bullshitter myself, but please continue, sometimes I like hearing from an expert."

That should shut them up for a sec.

Dory's picture

Well, here is one I remember from 12 years ago! We were friends with a couple who got married several months after us and my DH was the best man - I was 8 months pregnant at their wedding. She fell pregnant soon after their wedding and I don't recall if what she said was during her pregnancy or after her baby was born (my first born would have been months old at this point). She actually told me that her pregnancy/baby was more special because it was her husband's first! As opposed to my first born being my husband's third! That hurt me very badly!