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When do skids take responsibility? Or..when do DH and BM let skid take responsibility?

Willow2010's picture

So SS had an “incident” while deployed and is not allowed off at port for the next 5 months. I am not sure what really happened. Imagine that!

SS was ALWAYS in trouble growing up. Many school suspensions for various crap. Barely passing EVERY year. It was one thing after another.

Well SS sent DH an email telling him how bored he is now after the “incident” and that trouble seems to find him no matter how hard he tries to avoid it and that he is always just in the wrong place at the wrong time. So DH is telling me all of this and then goes off on a tangent about poor little SS. And how everyone is so unfair to him and blablabla. I just looked at DH and grunted a bit and left before I said the following….

“SS causes all of his own problems!! And you and BM made SS the person he is! No one else made him…steal, lie, fight, sexual harass, ect…ect…over and over. And just be an all-around jerk to his teachers and peers. SS did all of that and more, ALL on his own. You can’t blame everyone else or just bad luck for the little turds problems!! He is a grown man. Time to man up and take responsibility for himself”

I understand the whole parental bond, but dang…time to stop babying your grown military man/child and realize that everyone is not really just picking on him.

Does your DH feel that their kids problems are caused by EVERYONE else besides the skid and BM and DH?

Comments

bulletproof's picture

Sometimes DH gets on the "poor SS8 train" but he quickly gets knocked off.

As far as what HRNYC said about the Navy, I hope they whoop his ass!

pixiedust10's picture

FDH feels that SS7's behavior issues are mostly environmental, due to toxic BM, but I think most of these skids and especially your SS are old enough to take some responsibility for your own actions. It's the power of manipulation.

hismineandours's picture

My dh also used to make mountains of excuses for ss14. It was bm's fault, it was my fault, it was the neighbor's fault, it was the kid he punched's fault-whatever. I dont hear him make too many excuses any longer, thank you god.

I did hear him make one about 6 weeks ago-he had his yearly t-giving call from ss14 and ss had told him that bm had cut him off-she "washed her hands of him"-when I innocently asked why dh said, "Oh, he called her a whore". Then went off on this tangent of what could bm expect since she had slept with many men and had sex in the same house with ss present. Although I've not had sex with "many" men I have had sex with dh while ss was in the house so I said, "Guess I'm a whore too, eh". He didnt say anything else.

I've told dh countless times that one of the reasons ss is the way he is is because he has never been held accountable. Countless excuses have been made for this kid his entire life-and now look what you've got? He didnt want to believe-didnt see how punishing him more and giving him more consequences would make him better. Alas, I do believe he finally realizes I was right all along-however it appears to just be too late to effect any real change with the kid at almost 15.

I do say Kudos to your ss for even making it into the military. I dont think my ss will ever even be able to obtain that.

hereiam's picture

My husband's eyes are pretty wide open as far as SD21 is concerned but he still blames BM for some of her attitude and bad manners. I remind him that SD does know better so there is no excuse.

He feels bad for her sometimes but he knows she has made her own choices and she will never learn if she is not made to accept the consequences and be responsible for her actions. She's not a bad person but she does feel like her dad owes her something.