Long Vent.
Boy did my son pick a winner to knock up. UGH. She puts a lot of these BMs to shame.
She has made DSs life a living hell. She is a nut job and so is her family. The CO (which she claims is NOT a legally binding contract) is very standard. For the next two years, DS gets to pick 2 weeks for the summer visitation.
BM takes this to mean that DS ONLY gets his DD for those 2 weeks and no more. She said that the EOWE visitation is null and void during the summer since it says DS gets 2 weeks. UGH. This girl. DS explained to her that it is not the way it works. He still gets his normal visitation PLUS the 2 weeks. She is not having it. I guess we shall see. I am sure he will have to get the police involved.
DS gave her CS via money order, while waiting for the AG to start garnishing his wages. So now they show him as behind on his support. I tried to tell him this would happen. But he did it anyway. AG said it does not matter that he can prove it and BM is flat our lying about it. So now he just had to pay her $3000 dollars that he has already paid her. Bet he listens to me next time.
She won’t communicate with my son unless it is to be a bitch about something. He tries to call once a week to check on his DD. BM will not answer or respond. He found out that the child was sick. (Facebook) So he called and she ignored. This was the conversation when he went to pick her up the next week.
DS…How is DD doing? I heard she was sick. I tried to call you but I never heard back. We really need to communicate more for our child.
BM: You mean MY child.
DS:..No, really she is OUR child. Did you take her to the DR?
BM: She is MY child.
DS: Come on BM, you did not conceive her alone and I am paying a LARGE amount of support for OUR child.
BM. She is MY child.
DS: Sigh…just send DD out please.
This is just a small sample of her craziness. DS is in for a wild ride. I love that little girl more than anything and it makes me sad, knowing what she is going to be put through when she starts to understand things and her mom tries to turn her against DS and his family. So sad.
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Ermagawd, how awful. Will
Ermagawd, how awful. Will your DS ever try for custody?
He would like to try one day.
He would like to try one day. But just to get regular visitation, it cost him over $10,000. As soon as he broke up with her, she told him, you will never see this child. And she meant it so he had to take her to court. It has just been crazy. She seriously thinks since he won’t be with her, then he should not get to see the child.
Damn. I'm so sorry, Willow.
Damn. I'm so sorry, Willow. BioHo has done plenty of crappy things - including withholding visitation when DH wouldn't do things she wanted (like fixing her dryer or watching Spawn). But nothing like this. Prayers and hugs.
Oh wow.... I am so sorry your
Oh wow.... I am so sorry your son is going through this nightmare too!
I figure one day, he will be
I figure one day, he will be going through what your DH is having to deal with now. Shudders.
Honestly... it sounds like
Honestly... it sounds like that isn't a far off thing.
I am so so sorry that anyone else would have to deal with this.
So sorry to hear this Willow,
So sorry to hear this Willow, I have always told my BS to never believe a girl and always use his own protection (I know not failsafe), but I think he took me too literally and is dating a girl in another state on the other side of the country...lol.
So while I was not around
So while I was not around during the beginning times of FSD, this is exactly what FDH dealt with. They never dated, BM was somewhere he 'laid his head' for one month. Turns out she lied about BC and got knocked up while sleeping around - she was sleeping with FDH's uncle. FDH was not involved with the pregnancy as it could not be proved it was his. Well he pulled the short straw on that one. There have been times he has said if he could go back in time and cut his d*** off he would, mostly because of the amount of BS BM has drug him through. And honestly, your DS better get ready for quite the ride. Its been nothing but miserable. BM used to call FSD HER baby too. And would deny visitiation. Even now, at 14, she has done a damn good job at PASing her - child only calls when she wants something. I truly feel like I'm reading his past and I feel terrible for you guys. I swear FDH has PTSD from the BS and since your grand daughter lives with BM full time, it is likely she will turn out JUST LIKE her. It seems to be the case. My heart is with you guys, truly. FSD loved FDH up until I come alone and BM had even more ammunition (look your dad loves her more, ect). I am so sorry for you guys, seriously. Its a terrible journey.
And honestly, people like her
And honestly, people like her NEVER get better or more rational. She is using that child as a weapon against your son and will continue to for the rest of that child's life and because of this, your poor grandaughter will be royally screwed up in the head. People are terrible.
Yea…SSs BM drug DH around but
Yea…SSs BM drug DH around but nothing like this. She did somethings similar to what this BM is doing but not near as bad.
And now DS has a new girlfriend. Really great girl. They will probably marry this year. I have been very frank with both of them about how hard BM is going to make it on them.
And it is going to break my heart when little DGD gets thrown into the fray. UGH. She is such a sweet heart and I love her so much. Being a grandparent is the BEST!
Willow sorry about this
Willow sorry about this ordeal you are all going through. I can only imagine how difficult it must be trying to deal with "crazy". I don't have much to add but hope things get better for you all. I wish BM knew what a disservice she is doing to this child by holding her as a pawn. She's being treated as an object instead of a human being that deserves the love of both parents. I hope in the near future they can both co-parent effectively and that she sees the error of her ways and do what's best for the child.
Positive vibes!
Your DS has to
Make sure he gets his visitation. He should not set a bad example by not following CA. If he goes back to court, and most likely will soon. He should insist on using OurFamily Wizard. So everything is saved, and can not be Change or Deleted. That will save a lot of problems in the future, and all communication must go on family wizard. As her thing he doesn’t get weekends in the summer.
I am sure he will miss a weekend, because she should get time to go away. Bit that it.
Ugh this is one of my biggest
Ugh this is one of my biggest fears for DSs. That they majorly F up their lives by getting the wrong person pregnant. Few things:
A. The police wont enforce visitation, he will most likely have to take her back to court
B. OMG why did he pay outside of CS??? I'm frustrated for you.
C. Tell him not to even engage her crap like the our vs my child thing. She knows the reality and just wants to push his buttons. Sticking to communicating unemotionally only when necessary will save him alot of drama
Your son is learning the
Your son is learning the grueling and expensive lesson of not have an extremely specific CO with every little thing spelled out. "DS gets two weeks in the summer." What exactly does that mean? Is it that dad only gets 14 days in the summer and forfeits his EOW which would be an extra 10-12 days in the summer if it's a 2 overnight visit weekend? What this really means is that Dad only gets 2 extra days in the summer.
Does it mean that BM has her regular parenting time and dd goes to Dad EOW and BM never gets a two week chunk in the summer? Or that BM gets 9 weeks of summer and Dad only gets 2? Obviously this is how she is interpreting it but it is not specifically spelled out.
I hope your son has a clause to attend mediation when disagreements arise. Unfortunately he will have to go through the court system again to solve this issue and the sooner he does it the better. His best bet is to request a modification to the CO, he will likely have to go through mediation. At that time he should ask for his summer parenting time in one chunk PLUS his EOW in one chunk for summer break. He could ask for a 4 week block in the summer or two weeks with him, time with mom, then another two weeks with dad.
I don't believe the cops will involve themselves or be able to enforce a CO that is unclear. Best of luck to him.
Wow sorry to her he has to go
Wow sorry to her he has to go through this and you by extension.
She is full of it on the CO. Never heard of a CO that didn't also include the standard weekends in the summer plus additional visitation. Unlikely police will do anything to enforce. Would likely have to file a motion with the court to hold her in contempt.
Someone mentioned the website our family wizard. There is also a similar one called talking parents. Works like email but nothing can be deleted or changed. It shows you that the other parent viewed your message and when they replied. You can also attach images and documents. Plus you can get a full report of the messages if you ever need to present it in court. Good luck!
Sorry to hear this, Willow.
Sorry to hear this, Willow.
You know what Rags says about this poo - get an extremely specific CO, roll it up, and hit BM on the nose with it every. single. time. she deviates from it. Your son can also go pro se for a lot of this, but he has to be relentless about it.
Ugh. That is terrible.
Ugh. That is terrible. Absolutely not in the best interest of the child and I hope the courts figure that out. It breaks my heart to see this. Our 18-month old son has such an amazing bond with dad. I couldn't imagine trying to interfere with that, even if we split up.
DH's second wife was this
DH's second wife was this crazy. She did all sorts of things to her first husband (father of her 2 children). She filed a zillion court cases, reported him to IRS, tried to get DH to plant drugs in his home (he refused), etc. The oldest daughter would not speak to him and changed her name to DH's name when she turned 18. She eventually lost custody of her son because of her extreme actions. And this was in a small very pro BM Southern state.
She begged and begged DH to have his vasectomy reversed. So glad he refused. I've told him that I could not be married to him if he had children with her. DH had been divorced from her for 7-8 years when we met. He insisted that we had a pre-nup as he was afraid that she would try to come after MY assets after we married. Not that she could have - but hiring lawyers is expensive even for frivolous suits.