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Willow2010's picture

This may be a bit long.

DH told me yesterday that SS wanted him, DH and BM’s husband, to go on a cruise with him? (apparently he can invite two people) First off…WTH? DH and Stepfather don’t hate each other, but have had a few run in’s over the years. DH, said it like it was no big deal. Now here is where my real aggravation comes in…I asked DH if SS asked about DH and BM going first? DH said no, SS did not ask that. But he hesitated a bit. Hmmmmm. I wonder if he is just saying that because he knows it will piss me off.

DH will not be going on the cruise because he said he cannot afford it. But my thing is…why does SS always want to push them all to be together? It just annoys the crap out of me. SS is almost 19 and DH and BM divorced when he was about 3. SS actually likes me. But he has always had this thing about DH and BM being together everywhere. BM used to always want to sit with us places, so that SS could see his mom and dad together. Even thought step dad and I were there. Sooo freaking weird and I thought it would end as he got older. Guess not.

And I will make DH pay dearly, if I find out he lied to me!! Do any of you have this problem. Does BM or skid always want to show a false front to the world and make it seem like everyone LOVES each other?

Comments

cant win for losin's picture

My question is why would dh tell you this if in the end he couldn't "afford" to go anyway?
If i truly cannot afford to do something then i won't even mention it. period.
what, is he testing the waters to see what your reaction would be, so then depending on that he could try and swing affording it?

Newstep's picture

I can see trying to get along as parents but a cruise together :jawdrop: No way in hell !!!! I get along with my ex and his GF when we need to but we don't hang out. I think it's weird just my opinion. SD13 would love it if her BM was welcome to be at our house whenever she wanted. But that will never happen BM is straight up CRAZY!!!!!

Willow2010's picture

My question is why would dh tell you this if in the end he couldn't "afford" to go anyway?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
DH and I talk a lot. lol. Why on earth would he NOT tell me? He knows I would divorce him if this he tried to go on a cruise with BM. No if ands or buts about it.

I just think he really does not want to go, and I think if he really wanted to go, he could swing it....I think that is just what he is going to tell SS, so he does not get his little feelings hurt! gah!

Anonymous_stepmom's picture

I think she meant because it seems as though if he COULD afford it he would go and wouldn't bother to include you.

TweetyPie's picture

Wow, I feel for you! That is NOT acceptable at all! Being civil for sake of the kids is one thing, but hanging out and trying to make everyone besties is another. Usually it's completely unhealthy and can end in disaster and more un-needed dramas. I agree, the excuse about not being able to afford it doesn't fly. He shouldn't want to go because it's simply not appropriate in any way, shape, or form! I would maybe sit down with your stepson and have a hear to heart about how these types of invitations make you feel, and how you understand his perfect family image didn't work out and that it leaves some unresolved feelings behind but that he needs to be grateful for the family that is established NOW and live in that, not in a fantasy world of what could be (but never will!). He's old enough to know how you feel about things and it can all be presented in a compassionate way. Your husband needs to know how his reaction to it all made you feel as well. Establishing boundaries can be challenging (I learned the hard way with my unique blended family situation) but they are absolutely necessary so that healthy relationships can be fostered. Best of luck to you in this and hang in there!!

EyesOfaStranger's picture

^^^^ Exactlly!! Also, why can't your DH just have the balls to tell his grown son that it's inappropriate to invite him ANYWHERE his BM is going to be... Come on! That's NOT a " family" anymore and he's damn old enough to GET IT. it's disrespectful of your relationship what SS is doing. And I'd be pissed at my DH for even allowing that to continue! IMO of course.

EyesOfaStranger's picture

Oh Stepaside... You are so wonderful :):)
You always say things so right on it!!