Perspectives on this
I wish I knew what exactly SO is thinking. I have been nothing but honest with him and very clear about my boundaries.
From the minute we discussed them moving out I have said I have no plan or timeline for this situation to change. I have agreed to participate in counseling with SO and YSD and will focus on our relationships one day at time.
So I am very confused by SOs behavior. He is in complete suck up mode like he can fix the problems we have by trying harder. If I believed he was only focusing on fixing our relationship it would be a step in the right direction.
But I am suspicious that he may believe that he can put in the work for both him and YSD. That he may believe because he has the ability to be angry at YSD and then just forget about it a day or two later like nothing ever happened. Everyone else is like that too.
I know he doesn't realize that he is a player in the unhealthy toxic dynamic he has had to live in for the last 15 years. That he has learned to normalize it.
I was very clear that I have no intentions of considering putting in any effort to have any kind of relationship with YSD until she is willing to make the first move and admit to her behavior and show ownership of her actions. Until then I will not be giving her the time of day and she will not be allowed in my home for even a visit. I will not be taking her word for it or his either. I would have to actually see real change in her. Even then it would be baby steps.
Honestly I truly don't believe any of them are capable of change. So I don't see this situation changing. Each day that goes by I feel more at peace, happier more like myself. I am not giving that up again for any reason. I know he sees the change in me as well. But I think he is confused and may be assuming since I have had a break and am refreshed I am ready to go back into battle.
I hope that's not where his mind is at because I have surrendered and decided this is a battle I don't wish to fight.
My alarms went off when he made a comment about when YSD comes back. Why is he even thinking about that now? Two days after her ridiculous display and after I have made myself clear in where I stand.
Plus he he became irritated when I started cleaning her room out. Sorry buddy but I'm cleansing all the negativity out of my life.
The very idea if letting that child back in my house feels like being asked to stick my hand in a bear trap. No freaking way!
He couldn't control her or set limits with her. I had to be the one to it using the only control I had and that was to make it clear I didn't have to put up with her shit now get out of my house. Letting her come back in here would be reinforcing everything he and BM have done to create these monsters.
Truthfully I don't believe YSD even cares enough to be bothered. I believe she will be just like BM and OSD and play the victim. I don't believe her and I will ever have anything more than an acquaintance level relationship.
If you ask why would I still bother with attending counseling. For me even if nothing comes out of it and I decide our relationship isn't salvageable. It will help bring me some closure.