Relationship with YSD is now going downhill too
Years ago, once the initial "honeymoon stage" of my relationship with DH and SD's ended, OSD decided she didn't like me, actively worked at destroying the relationship between DH & I, and she always tried to get absolutely everyone in DH's family on side with her
SIL wasn't a problem to convince because she could not stand me from day one. Like OSD, she was very jealous of the relationship with DH & I, but, her issues were/are even deeper (can’t stand any woman who might be younger than her, whom she considers better-looking, smarter, more popular, more successful) any and all of those things and well, you were totally doomed in your relationship with her! Sadly she not only made it clear from day one that she despised me, she did nothing to hide that from her nieces (SD's) who were around 11 and 15 at the time. So OSD when began to create problems for DH & I, she knew before she started that she had her Aunt's (SIL's) full blessing
Her grandparents (MIL & FIL) were much harder to get onside, they were (and FIL still is) welcoming and kind, but they paid dearly for it sadly, as OSD was so determined to oust me that she was prepared to rip DH's entire family apart in order to force them to gang up and get rid of me
YSD also wasn't so easy to convince...until recently I suspect
My relationship with YSD initially was up and down, one visit she would be great, the next she wouldn't so much as acknowledge me, the next time she was okay, and so on...I figured in among usual teenage behavior, add to that step-teenage behavior, and most importantly the peer pressure from her older sister (OSD) to jump on the step-parent hate band wagon, YSD was struggling with her position where her parents spouses were concerned
But over the years, her ups and downs became less and less noticeable. Her 'downs' were less nasty, her ups were better, and her okay days were more on the good than bad side
By the time she reached her twenties, she one day made a big speech to me about how she felt. It was a particularly awful evening - OSD's engagement party and a public outburst from OSD telling DH he was "nothing but a piece of shit father" and this was followed by YSD coming up to me as DH & I were leaving, and apologizing to me for her sister's behavior. Telling me that she thought I was the best thing that ever happened to DH, and one of the best things that ever happened to her sister and her
I figured at the time, it was simply her being dramatic. YSD always was an attention-seeker, and while I hoped and wished what she was saying was true, I was skeptical
But from that point forward, YSD for the most part, was true to her word.
Whenever she was around me she was respectful, nice, and appreciative of anything I did for her. She went overboard acknowledging me on occasions like my birthday, Mother's Day - always a thoughtful gift and practically a letter written on the card full of mushiness about how much she loved, appreciated, and was grateful for me in her life
A year or so ago she sent me a Friend request on Faceback, and I loved her updates, often we would like and comment on each other’s posts, and message back and forth
Things ticked on and I became less and less bothered by OSD's rejection of me, less and less interested in SIL's games, and closer and closer to YSD.
Unfortunately, OSD just simply couldn't stand this. And neither could SIL. Between the two of them they upped their antics, got worse and worse over the years, and began to use BM as a tool to create problems for DH & I, which BM was and I’m seeing has always been a very willing partner in
I know OSD gripes about me incessantly after any family visit, as YSD let it slip that after a family visit OSD will go on and on and on to SSIL asking him if it’s just her, or did he notice that Disillusioned did this, or said that, or what was she trying to prove, what did she mean by that, yada yada yada, and would go on to the point that poor SSIL would have to begrudgingly agree just to save the peace with her. Sort of makes me laugh because all I ever do when I go to these events is politely say hello, respond positively when sgkids interact with me, keep a low profile and stay away from all drama.
Clearly OSD is reading into everything little thing she can, to prove I’m the evil SM not only to SSIL but her herself as well!
But now I’m noticing a change in YSD too, she seems to have joined in on the manipulations, and our relationship is deteriorating.
She has been far less appreciative of anything I've done for her for maybe a year or two now. And that hurts. Didn’t acknowledge me until well after the fact on Mother’s Day pretty much two years in a row. In the last year she doesn’t acknowledge anything at all that I post on Facebook, doesn’t even Like a single picture of DH any longer. When she posts pictures of SGD for example, if a bunch of people including myself comment on how adorable or cute etc…YSD will respond to every single person, with the exception of me
The funny thing is, she’ll then text me the exact same pics. And when I say the exact same things, she'll respond with “oh thanks so much Disillusioned, hugs and kisses, etc…”
So this tells me it’s not that she doesn’t want to respond, but perhaps she’s worried her angry hateful sister will flip out that she is in any way nice to me…same old story
And today DH mentioned to me that YSD sent him a message about getting together, it was sent only to him, so clearly she’s hoping to see him without me around
I guess as hard as it is to believe after all these years where things have been so great with her, that in the end, she is going to side with her hateful sister, aunt and mother. Of course she is. But I always thought she not only saw through their crap, but had the maturity not to participate in it.
Lesson learned, doesn’t matter how many great years and how wonderful a skid can proclaim you are to them, that can always change
I’m relearning to disengage somewhat from her
We will still communicate and have a good relationship of course – she just texted me a video of the baby as I write this LOL) she will never be openly rude or disrespectful like OSD, SIL and BM, but I will not be dumb enough to let my guard down again and believe that she truly cares that much
She puts on a great show of it in front of DH, or me when she wants something, but I think with her much of it may be just that, for show ☹