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Appropriate communication

VNichol's picture

Yesterday was SO bithday and he kept getting calls from the county jail. I thought it was probably because she wanted to reach out to wish him a happy birthday but probably not. He is the first one she runs too whenever she is in trouble. That is ok because he has never come to her aid. 

Yep MethMom is finally in Jail!  She got arrested for possession of a controlled substance (meth) she obtained a lawyer and took deferred adjudication 2 year's. She violated and a warrant went out for her. Our home was searched at serve her and take her into custody. Almost 2moths later she is arrested. 

We have had THE TALK of appropriate communication with her while she is in Jail and now it's here. 

1. Correspondence thought mail is  for the kid. Pictures are ok and any written letters are going to be passed by me before mailing ( his idea not mine)

2. Any letters sent by her he will let me see. ( His idea not mine)

3. Phone calls for the child??? ( I'm sure he will probably accept after a while for the child only) I'm ok with that. 

We have spoken about  visits in jail but was unclear of what we decided on. It was kinda left open. 

Ok here is my take on it. I would not want bio mom around at all unless she is clean including the process of jail and rehab. 

What else is appropriate for a 5 year old in this situation?  

I had a parent like this and I didn't go see him in jail ever. 

Thank-you all in advance.



justmakingthebest's picture

SS18's mom is like this. I think what you are doing is fine. I wouldn't take him to the jail to see her and I would also preemptively put custody arrangements in place for her to see him when she gets out. sS18 had it so she could only see him with his therapist 1x per month for 6 months. She didn't show the last go 'round, so she lost even that. 

DH's stance was give her just enough rope to hang herself

VNichol's picture

Oh yes, im on top of it! Dad is primary custodial parent with 50/50 visitations(1 week with dad and 1week mom) Meaning dad is the most stable of the two and has the income and house to raise the kid. Mom has not kept ANY of the court orders. She comes when she wants to/ benefits her. Supper sad but better for SS not to see his mom get beat or do drugs Infront of him. 

I looked her up on the public records and see she will be sentenced in 5 days. Hopefully it's long enough for SO to save up and go file for full custody. Since she is locked up its defaulted to dad i believe.