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Long and entertaining...

unbelieveable's picture

Let's talk about families.

My family is not "normal" persay. We fight like any other family. However, when the FH and I have an argument...when things are not going right..they don't give me advice unless I ask for it...they don't barge into my business. My parents are amazing people. They are in their 50's, they know they are young and they have their whole lives ahead of them. They each work 60 hour weeks...they travel...they love eachother. My family is not perfect but we make everything work. We have fun together...and our brawls only last for a day, then we talk it out. No moping grudges.

The fh's family is out of control. His dad is retired and he is a great man but he lets the FMIL boss him around. I've never seen anything like it. He worked 40 years. He earned his money. The FMIL treats her 3 sons like they are babies. The oldest son she cooks for constantly because she says his wife does not feed him (Trust me...the last thing he needs is food...there is no way that boy is starving...) Did i mention he is 35 years old? FMIL does not work. She sits allllll day and does nothing but runs the sweeper and smokes Newport 110,000's. She constantly decides that "she" is the only one who is allowed to discipline the children in the house because it is "her" house. If FH and I have an argument - she interferes and tries to make us tell her about it? She does this so she can say I am the problem. Usually it's over her over controlling a$$. All she does is bash me and tell me how awesome FH's ex is. Did I mention the ex:

*got fired for going to work drunk
* keeps getting herself and the children kicked out of her amazing boyfriend's house (he does everything for them, he's fun, and he's a sweetheart -we used to be friends.)
* she told the girls that: "Daddy needs to buy them new snowboots because he doesn't give her enough." Last time I checked $600 a month was enough for two kids. Since when does only the father support the kids...isn't it 2009?
* And again- the girls are telling us mommy sleeps with them everynight...crying.

The girls need a mother...not someone who just gave birth to them and only wants them when she feels like it. Being a mom does not just mean - you give birth to a child. It means everything.

I can't take this anymore. I'm going to snap. FMIL is manipulative, depressing, lazy, and downright nasty. She says she is "too old to work." She is 53! She says everything in her house, under her roof is hers...Again - the money that pays for EVERYTHING is her husbands retirement! SHE IS SOOOO CRAZY. She degrades me for not having children of my own. She degrades me and my future sister in law for being educated. FMIL does not have her high school diploma but she thinks all of this okay? She makes fun of us if we put on a dress and do our hair. All she wears is sweatpants. God for bid we dress like women. God for bid we choose careers over lots of babies we can't support. Sounds real selfish right? She thinks our duties as women on earth is solely for the purpose breeding and being walking wombs.

A small story regarding a Christmas tree...last year I bought a beautiful artificial Christmas tree for FH's and I's new house, thinking we'd have one by now...Last year I put it up in my mom's dining room for fun while her real tree was in our living room. Every year before Christmas...about 3 days before FMIL has a fit and tears down all of the Xmas decorations in her house. She tears them down for 3 reasons:

1. temper tantrum
2. she doesn't have the money to buy all 560 grandkids presents (If she can spend $400 on cigarettes a month I think maybe she could afford a toy for each from the dollar store atleast)
3. because she gave the son she cooks for all the time her tree and all she has is a little one

So a couple weeks ago we had a conversation like this one:

Would you like to borrow my Christmas Tree this year? Since every year you complain your son has the big tree? I don't mind bringing it over and letting you borrow it.

She just puffed on her cigarette and said, :Whatever..:

So I didn't bring it to her house because she never gave me an answer. I assumed she did not want it. In the mean time - my mother calls and asks if she can use my tree again...I stutter around and tell her I already asked FMIL if she wanted to borrow mom says okay no big deal.

2 weeks go by FMIL says, "So are you going to bring that tree over or what?"

My response:

"Are you telling me you want the tree here?"

She says Yes.

So I dig the tree out...put it up...decorate it - it looks beautiful and she has the nerve to say, NOT "Thank you for letting me borrow the tree" BUT instead "UGH! I AM SO SICK OF WHITE LIGHTS...I THOUGHT YOU HAD COLORED ONES!"

WTF. So I let it slide...then I realize that she never has my tree turned on? Then the one night I was there to turn it on her son calls and says, "Whose tree is that in the window?" She says, "Ohhh...that's FDIL's...she ASKED me if she could bring it over!"

MY JAW DROPPED! Then I hear her say, "I told her I didn't care because know how gracious I am!"


So again..I let this slide...then her friend visits and tells me how awesome the tree looks and it looks so pretty...and FMIL tells her the same thing she told her son!

I needed a break so we've decided to stay at my parents for a few nights because they are out of town...we stopped at FMIL's and she was sitting in the dark...not talking to anyone - wouldn't let husband turn on TV and she was throwing a fit...with a cigarette in hand of course...She is mad because FH and I have been staying at my parents? What is she going to do when we really have enough to move out? WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER!



unbelieveable's picture

He doesn't come to her defense with anything, however, he doesn't tell her to stop either. He'll say, "MUM!" and that's it.

When I bring something up he'll say, "You need to ignore everything..." blah blah blah

He has agreed she is a nutbag. He agrees she is crazy. And selfish. And yada yada yada...

I am just hoping that when we get out of there...she doesn't come to visit. EVER.

stepoff's picture

I can't say that I have any crazy MIL stories. I actually like my MIL (gasp, I know!!). But it sounds like you're dealing with a really, REALLY depressed person. Has she ever gotten professional help? The quicker you get the heck outta there, the more sanity of your own that you'll be able to maintain.

Stepmom2Ched's picture

I'm with NMF1, I absolutely LOVE my MIL! The first time I met her, DH and I were working on moving in together. She knew that he and BM were split, but she did NOT know about me. I went with DH to the airport to get her and I stayed back far enough for him to greet her first and then introduce me. We clicked right away. She stayed at our new house (even helped unpack some boxes!) and we talked. I think she was relieved to learn that I was actually SANE, and really really loved her son and looked forward to making a life with him--in spite of BM causing grief.

~*~A Good Mommy will let the kids lick the beaters. A GREAT Mommy will turn the mixer off first!~*~

unbelieveable's picture

haha! My joke with the fsil is that we're starting a nursing home fund. We'll be damned if either one of us lets her move into our homes and ruins our marriage! I don't want that miserable attitude around me!