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BM and Grandmother and...ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

unbelieveable's picture

So uh...I can post this over and over again until I am blue in the damn face but my FMIL IS insane. Boyfriend(of almost 5 years) has a twin brother...who just had a baby with whom I will call FSIL2....I LOVE HER. She is like another sister. She fits in perfectly with the SIL and I and we all get along great and all go to eachother to deal with the 3 brothers and the horrible habits they have learned from their parents. We all work together. SIL and her husband also had a baby on the same day. Yes - two nephews in one day. They are gorgeous.

Everytime twin has an issue with SIL2 who says she is not leaving him and she wishes twin would just stay and work things out without running - he RUNS down here to FMIL and whines about it. Making her look like some kind of witch...which she is far from. She is just frustrated! Twin has two boys from his previous marriage and she has a 14 year old from hers. She is 36. and financially stable with a nice house and has her head on pretty straight. Twin's two boys are SO bad. They destroy things, talk back, they just flat out DO NOT LISTEN. They jump all over her furniture on the weekends they are there. They will NOT listen to her. It's crazy - they've been around me for 5 years and just refuse to listen when I say get away from the TV or anything...they are just disrespectful. So of course she is dealing with them...and a new baby. And of course FMIL ; ) So anway - he races down here today and is telling everyone she is mad because he gave the boys a bath this morning? Okay...no no no - there is way more to this - but of course this is what he comes up with - FMIL immediately tells him he should have gotten custody of that baby "like SHE told him to" the second he was born? Uh...twin has no house...what would he do? move into this nightmare with us AGAIN because he failed at another relationship? move in here? with a newborn? Are you kidding me? She even compared FSIL2 to twin's last ex...I don't really know her - I know she has said some mean things about me before simply because I am with twin's brother. But whatever - I heard that she stood up to FMIL once and that is what sprung the hell between them...and she forced her out of Twin's life. This is what FMIL does. SIL1's new baby has an upper respiratory infection - babies are 1 week old - so he is not allowed around cigarette smoke or allowed out in the wind/cold right now - so they did not come to easter dinner. This woman smokes like a chimney in her house and I have seen her smoke with 3 other people at the kitchen table with a newborn up on the counter in his carrier before. I took the baby into the other room when I got home from work lol. I was DISGUSTED by it. Twin and SIL2 did not come because FSIL2 was tired and had a headache...and she probably knew TWIN had run down here to tell on her and she didn't want to deal with it. FMIL is flipping out and sh*t talking both of them because they "kept her boys" from coming to dinner. They just gave birth a week ago...maybe they don't feel like coming out yet around 20 family members. I don't know...but I wish I could record all of this so FSIL's could here the crap that comes out of her mouth and then kisses their asses when they are here. It's gross.

#1 Now onto my BM I deal with...Summer is coming - which means she will be dumping the kids off on us constantly now that she has a new boyfriend...I am not sure where she is dumping the baby off but I already know she is planning on going to a race at the end of the month 4 hours away for the weekend. We know we will have the girls over night...as we usually do - but I think DH is planning on keeping them two nights now to make things easier for HER. It doesn't make things easier for me...and we don't get to go on trips or away for the weekend so why does this broad get to go everywhere??? Why do we have to give up any plans when she is going away 6 times out of the summer...we can't do anything.

#2 She is now sending pictures of the girls to not just DH but...FMIL now too. FMIL is SO nice to her and such a bitch to me...We take plenty of pictures here...they are here every weekend and one night a week they are both in school...we aren't missing anything and we know what they look like. We talk to them every night. It's very frustrating to me that FMIL does not talk to twin and the other brother's ex's but she can't let this one go - the one that moves her kids around 11 times a year and goes from guy to guy and has taught her kids it's "okay" to have babies with good boyfriends. I guess in the end they are the same disgusting people.

#3 SD9 is in 3rd grade. She got ALL A's on her report card EXCEPT Math she received a D. We praised her on her report card and told her we will work on math and see if we can arrange a tutor but we were very proud of her. When we pick them up BM immediately starts taunting her about her "d" and rubbing it in her face? She was MAKING FUN of her? Are you kidding??? We go home - we are fine - SD9 has calmed down we have a good night...the next morning the phone rings and it's her OTHER grandmother...SD9 gets on the phone and grandmother is NOW making fun of her and taunting her??? WTF??? So all of a sudden SD9 screams "daddy" puts the phone down says she feels dizzy and FALLS on the floor...okay...now I know why she has been "passing out" at her mother's...it's her way of getting out of stressful situations...it pissed me off so much I said to boyfriend "GIVE ME THAT DAMN PHONE! SHE HAS PISSED THE WRONG PERSON OFF!" He picked the phone up and hung up. FMIL says, "that was her grandmother you were talking about" I said I DO NOT CARE - no grandmother or MOTHER makes fun of their kid like that!! No wonder she CRAVES attention - this is crazy!!! So I waited until things calmed down and I had FSD9 come into the bedroom and sit with me on the bed - I told her what her grandma did was wrong...and I would not let anyone bully her - and I asked why she fell on the floor like that and told her she can't do that - it scares us and she could hit her head - she said when someone yells at her she gets confused and just does that to make them quiet...I told her we would find other ways to manage her stress and that won't happen again.

This made me realize that I may not LIKE FSD9 but I do love this child...We have our issues but who doesn't with their steps? I now definitely understand why she has SO many issues. And why is always craving attention. I may not have kids - but I have this crazy maternal instinct I don't like to admit that I have but it came out this weekend. I think this is what being a real mom is all about...

Comments

Delilah's picture

They say some parents hate their adult children's partners because they feel threatened, that they are losing that adult child and resent the changes. It can also be because their adult child is running to them, saying negative things about their partner. Unfortunately many parents dont actually help their adult children, by giving them sensible advice and looking at the entire situation as much as possible.

Your FMIL kisses BM's arse in order to have access to the skids as much as she wants and because she no longer is a threat to FMIL position in FDH's life. Doesnt matter if FDH has them regularly, and sorry to say but as a SM you arent deemed important enough to respect...as after all you are a present threat.

Sad but true.

As for not having weekends away, perhaps its time to suggest some breaks like BM has?

unbelieveable's picture

Unfortunately- we do live with her...not by choice of course. I keep saying we will win the lottery eventually and get ourselves into our OWN home...until then I will keep venting and get out my frustrations!! Where we live it's common to be stuck at the in-laws house...thank you economy.

You are so right...as a step- there is NO respect- you are no longer a person. You no longer have feelings. You are just supposed to "deal" with everything thrown at you. I did mention that if they are staying for a whole weekend- we will take them to the aviary or fishing or something! If it's warm enough! Just to get out of the house and away from FMIL. I think for now on I will refer to her as the wildabeast...sometime I will describe all off her nasty unlady like traits she comes with...I.e. leaving her teeth on the kitchen table! Haha! To deal with her behavior I have a notebook FULL of crazy things she does...FSIL1 and I have decided to cope by maybe writing a book on how to deal with insane MIL's. I am treating her like a science project which gets me through!

I have been at this for 5 years now and I've learned that if you give the kids ToO much attention- then you are accused of trying to be their parent...if you don't give them enough- then you are accused of having a problem with the kids or you don't like them...it's an uphill battle but I'm willing to fight it out for these girls and because I love their dad and he loves me- although I've decided NOT to walk down the aisle to avoid a major meltdown.