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Need Advise Quick....bout to blow a FUSE! Need to know how to handle so Im not the bitch

tryingtomakeit's picture

Submitted by tryingtomakeit on Fri, 09/10/2010 - 12:00pm

Ok. Let me rehash the event in a nutshell. Stepson 22 works a little minimun wage job lives with bm and only has to pay for his toys, no rent, no bills, nothing to teach responsiblilty. BM asks my husband for money to help... cause she is broke (so she says)

One month ago I saw where he was going to buy a new bike. Told my husband and he DID NOT believe me...ok whatever. HE BOUGHT THE BIKE.

Sunday before last stepson had motorcyle wreak. Totaled it! He had no insurance (got a ticket for that) and got a ticket for leaving accident. But, the bm and my husband was upset at trooper for interrogating stepson.

Due to accident, which he is ok....scrapped up and bruised. No breaks or anything damange in that way...he is off work, but may loose his job because of the time off system they have.

In the mean time we find out he has not been paying his student loans so my husband pays and gets him up to date. But, my husband was upset at loan comapny for not calling son to let him know he was behind. My husband and biological mother said is wasnt sons fault he didnt come pick the mail up.

Now for my delimia....he has not been back to work...in a sham because he may loose his job and I find out today that he is WELL enough to attend a all day concert today, but not well enough to go to work.

Tell me....how do I tell my husband that? I am furious and I know its not my place, but in a way it does effect me because I helped pay his student loan and I really could have used that money towards my OBGYN.

Im afraid....Im going to hear "Its not his fault" I dont want to come off as a bitch...but Im scared if I dont stand up now his kids are going to be the end of us.

How should I tell him? Should I tell him? What to do??????

Comments

tryingtomakeit's picture

Submitted by tryingtomakeit on Fri, 09/10/2010 - 12:04pm

Joint. Sad

tryingtomakeit's picture

Submitted by tryingtomakeit on Fri, 09/10/2010 - 12:08pm

I understand...Im up for any and all ideas....should I even mention it to husband that he is at concert or should I just let it go and just butt out?

momoutofhermind2's picture

Submitted by momoutofhermind2 on Fri, 09/10/2010 - 1:21pm

hehehe. I like the text. Send the text so then either way DH knows and you don't have to hear him defend SS and you go crazy unless he calls you to talk. If he defends him after that then I would let him have it.

Tell him, he should just give SS an allowance so he doesn't have to work at all ever. Or better yet, just tell him to give you all the bills and he will never have to work again a day in his life. I mean why should he have to work, he's 22, it's not like that would teach him any responsibility. Oh and invite him over too you can hold him close and let him know he can skip paying his student and you will bail him out everytime. Then maybe the separate account is not a bad idea since he bails him out.

I like the sarcastic approach.

dakotamom's picture

Submitted by dakotamom on Fri, 09/10/2010 - 12:48pm

i agree with the joint account. Granted ss is still receiving royal treatment from DH and BM at least it's not your money going to the kid. Maybe Dh will hear you more about things once he loses half his spending money also????? this worked very well with my husband. he's got $10 to his name and I'm sitting much better than that. he doesn't know that and won't because then he would be askign me for $$ to treat his kids. not doing it. i'm not afraid to be a bitch. i've disengaged and so has my checkbook!

tryingtomakeit's picture

Submitted by tryingtomakeit on Fri, 09/10/2010 - 12:57pm

I think your right. I think im better off not mentioning concert. I jsut need to disengage and open me a checking account.

dakotamom's picture

Submitted by dakotamom on Fri, 09/10/2010 - 1:09pm

if it's anything like the iowa student loan program those bastards are calling you the day after they money is due!!!! there's no way he could "forget"

dakotamom's picture

Submitted by dakotamom on Fri, 09/10/2010 - 1:22pm

i dislike that company almost as much as skids. they don't care what time of day it is, they don't care how often they call, there's letters almost daily when you fall really far behind. i set up auto payments once i got caught back up and told them to leave me alone. i even went so far as to set them as a contact in my phone and set the ringtone to none so it would quit bugging me! it seemed like all my bills got piled up after college and paying rent/electricity seemed more important than student loans. i couldn't defer bill until i had it caught back up so my 9 months of unemployment lets just say they called daily to "check on me"!! LMAO!!! I knew i owed the money, there were just more important things for me to pay. that shit stays no matter what - there's no bankruptcy with student loans!
Good luck DLPEREZ!!!

tofurkey's picture

Submitted by tofurkey on Fri, 09/10/2010 - 1:02pm

First off, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I would FOR SURE split the account. If he is paying for his ADULT child's bills, and you have a joint account, then it IS your place to do something about it. It certainly does effect you when you share a bank account with your husband and he is pulling $$$ out for his son's payments. This is not your responsiblity, and I am sure that you could have used that to pay your OBGYN, all of us ladies know that those appts can get expensive! Your health should take presidence over SS's irresponsible actions. I agree with a lot of other posters that if you tell your husband about SS's behavior, you will no doubt come out looking like the bad guy...unfortunately he will defend his kid even if he knows deep down you are right. If I were you I would just skip keeping tabs on SS, it's not worth your stress, and split bank accounts asap. Good luck

winehead's picture

Submitted by winehead on Fri, 09/10/2010 - 2:48pm

Well I was the evil bitch. And I'd do it again. Adult SS was draining our account (and lying to everyone he could so they'd feel sorry for him and give him money). We do have separate accounts and I was so stupid that I gave DH money for SS to keep the peace. I still resent the hell out of it. Turns out SS was using drugs and everybody knew it but his dad since he just knew his son was perfect. (SS is clean now and is an entirely different person.)

There is NO way I'd be part of this entitlement game. Your DH and the BM simply have to know that they are doing this boy a huge disservice by allowing him to be dependent on them.

So I would gently tell your DH what you know. He might not believe you or might make excuses but your conscious will be clear. Wouldn't he want to know why you're moving your money into your own account?