My stepson is a snob :(
My stepson, his mom, and new step dad recently moved to a different house because the step dad got a new job. They found a nice house to rent and everything seemed pretty nice for them. When this happened I was happy for my stepson, because in the past he and his mom have moved a ton of times and he never really had a steady routine. I could always tell that it stressed him out. So, I was glad that he would finally have some stability. However, it seems like ever since they moved it's like he's turning into his mom. She's not a bad person or anything, but she's a snob ; very spoiled by her mother and very entitled. My stepson is always talking about how much nicer and bigger their house is than ours, how we don't have cable and they do. How we are poor and they have a lot of money. We tried not to pay too much attention to it, but it's getting to where he doesn't want to visit us anymore because he says it's so boring at our house. My husband actually makes good money, but I'm still in school (2 years till I graduate) and between my husbands school loans, $800 a month in child support, and bills that every adult must pay, there isn't a ton of money left over every month to buy him everything he wants, take him to the movies every week and do all of the expensive things that kids like to do. Instead, we go hiking, camping, ride bikes, go swimming etc. It seems like my stepson looks down upon us now. As if we aren't good enough and that his mom and step dad are so much better than we are. It worries me that he's been acting like this. He's never done this before until they moved. I don't really know what to think about it. He's got to be learning this behavior from somewhere, but I don't want to point any fingers. Any advice or insight would be appreciated.
And never compete
And never compete financially. In fact you're doing exactly the right thing.
One think I did when things started going this way was pull out a stack of cleared checks I paid to the kids mother for support. A $800 check repeated over for a year or so can be an impressive amount even to a snob.
Daddy can use it to show him how much it costs to raise a kid and here Daddy is paying up like any good parent would.
Thanks for the advice!! He is
Thanks for the advice!! He is only 11, so I'm sure a lot of it is his age. I'm hoping it's just a stage he's going through. I hope that we can show him the value of a dollar and that money isn't everything. It's so hard to do with video games and all of the cool stuff that kids have access to now days. We really want him to learn that it's more important to work hard,be a good person and to make a difference in the world than to flaunt what you have or act superior to everyone else. If we show him by our actions, maybe someday it'll stick
Keep SS abreast of the facts.
Keep SS abreast of the facts. Show him the $800/mo that his father pays. Give him clarity that the CS his dad pays is not earned by BM and that it pays for things that she could not otherwise provide. Ask him if it is fair that dad's money goes to mom and if knowing that dad pays for much of the nice things at moms changes his mind about how he feels about visiting dad.
Our situation in the beginning was much like yours with the exception that my bride was the CP. We were the struggling less affluent half of the blended family equation. SS was 15mos old when his mom and I met and our blended family adventure began. We married the week before he turned 2yo. He is now 22.
The NCP Sperm Idiot was supported entirely by the Sperm Grandparents. And 20 years later still is. He lived and lives rent free in their rental property. They paid his CS for my SS (a whopping $110/mo for many years, increasing to $130/mo and ultimately to $385/mo) and they raised his 3 younger also out of wedlock spawn by 2 more baby mamas in their home with no help from their idiot son. He also became a licensed plumber and made decent money but eventually the situation shifted.
When we first married I was a newly graduated engineer and my bride had just completed her freshman year of college. My bride went on to finish a dual major BS with honors, I finished an MBA with honors, she finished an MBA with honors and became a CPA. Eventually the financial big stick shifted unequivocally to our side and the Sperm Clan went from being pompous assed snobs to sniveling victims.
Most importantly SS learned that character, hard work, and quality decisions are important and the difference between the results that those things bring in life and the results of manipulation, lies, entitlement and lack of character bring.
My son (SS) has great memories of the camping trips, hikes, days at the lake, fossil hunting in the river near our home, climbing Enchanted rock, and traveling the world, etc... that he experienced with us and has not one memory of the countless video games and cheap placating toys that the Sperm Idiot and Sperm Grandhag provided. He detests his worthless POS Sperm Idiot, knows very clearly that the Sperm Clan are a group of worthless POS losers. He came to this clarity on his own with access to the facts provided in an age appropriate manner. When he would come home from Sperm Land visitation with toxic crap from the Sperm Clan we provided the facts. Sperm Grandma paid the Sperm Idiots CS, Sperm Idiot lived rent free in the SGP's rental home, they raised the younger Sperm Idiot spawned half sibs in their home with no help from the Sperm Idiot, etc, etc, etc.......... Arrest and conviction records, CS payment records, court records, etc, etc, etc..... They are all facts that Skids should have in an age appropriate manner in order to counter toxic crap from the blended family opposition.
You will finish your degree, as your and DH's careers advance your affluence will increase and SS will see the result of your character, hard work, and quality decisions. BM and SDad will bare their asses. The toxic opposition always does.
Good luck and congratulations on school.