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Just dont understand why i feel Im the blame

tryingtomakeit's picture

Submitted by tryingtomakeit on Fri, 06/04/2010 - 9:49am

Ok...I just had a run in with my husband and I dont know whether to be upset or just take the blame that I messed up go on and pretend it didnt happen.

For three days my sd has been a total pill. She has a attitude and is very unappreciative. She has had 2 different girls spend the night and then last night she was in the bed by 7:00 pm because she was so tired from all the company. So needless to say...SHE HAS NOT DONE A DARN THING...all we have done is be at her beck and call.

Well this morning, while I am getting ready for work and have a million things going through my head of things I have to get done my husband calls and tell me he had just got off the phone with the BM(something I dont want to here at 6 in the morning) and if I didnt mind could I find out if the sd had some clothes at the house. Well she did and of course they were dirty. I then called him back and said yes and he said well we can wash them and then he would take them to the sd house tomorrow so she can have them clean for a trip. Well, I blurted out cant we just send them to the BM house dirty? I probably should not have said that...because now he is upset with me. He said it was the least he could do was wash those clothes. Ok, I do agree and I feel like doodoo for saying it, but at the same time the SD knew she needed the clothes because she had laid them out last night before she went to bed at 7 pm. I just have a issue with doing something for someone that is so lazy. She could have brought us the clothes last night and we could have got them clean and they would have been ready today.

So, now my husband is MAD at me because of what I said. I did apologize to him for saying it. I probably should not have said it like I did. But, I always feel like life stops for the sd and BM. My husband went on to give me an example of why he was upset. He told me that all week I had been getting clothes ready for a friend of mine to go on a trip next week. This is true...but the key word is I DID IT MYSELF and I DIDNT WAIT TO THE LAST MINUTE!!!

Please dont think I am complaining about doing the clothes...I do NOT MIND at all...I just think that it should not have waited. The SD and my husband knew about this and should have done it last night or the night before.

I jsut dont understand why I feel like Im the one that is getting introuble for voicing my opinion...maybe I should have worded different!

GIve me some advice..anyone have any thoughts on this....

Comments

stepmom31's picture

Submitted by stepmom31 on Fri, 06/04/2010 - 10:19am

hiya,

I'm reading what you wrote and I think you have right to be upset.

But although you have no problem doing the clothes, you do have a problem with YOU having to do them at last minute. So maybe instead of saying "Why can't we send them to BM dirty?" just let your husband be responsible for washing them at last minute, since that is what HE wants and perhaps agreed to with BM. If it's understood that you're expected to wash them, simply say "Well, I don't have time to do that, you or SD will have to." He might begin to understand about the last-minute stuff when it begins to affect him and his time.

Just my thoughts...

Better yet, say it like this: "Sounds good, honey, but I'm really busy with some stuff I have to do and I won't have the time to wash at this last minute, so you're going have to make sure it gets done, k. Talk to you later! Love you!"

dakotamom's picture

Submitted by dakotamom on Fri, 06/04/2010 - 10:16am

I am the one responsible for washing SS15 baseball uniform because BM can't find the time to do it. This isn't a big task, but it's the point that it's not my responsibility to make sure his things are taken care of. SS15 and DH both know where the washer and dryer are at. I don't think you're out of line for being mad about having this sprung on you last minute. People need to learn to plan better and if you're always there to do it they won't ever learn. I would not do it and let DH do it - it's his son and if there wasn't better communication before it's not my issue. Clothes in the laundry room - fine I'll do them but I'm not going to go hunting for them. Be out of clothes- i don't care is my attitude.

stepkate's picture

Submitted by stepkate on Fri, 06/04/2010 - 10:28am

Maybe it was the wrong thing to say, but I can understand the reason you said it. Sometimes I feel a little resentful about doing things to make BM and FSD's life easier when they don't do the same for me. One time BM sent FSD over with dirty clothes and I was asked to wash them because BF didn't have a washer and dryer at the time. I've also been getting annoyed lately at always being the one to pick up and drop FSD off, even though BM is on my way. I just feel like its her kid, so she should be doing more than I am, even if it is easier for me to do it.

So, I sympathize.

glynne's picture

Submitted by glynne on Fri, 06/04/2010 - 10:45am

Why are you responsible for her laundry?

Did you just take this task on - trying to be nice? I found out the hard way that being nice often equates to being taken advantage of. If the SD is old enough - she can do her own laundry or your husband can do it. She is his daughter therefore his responsiblity - you can help out if you want to and IF you are asked NICELY. That was the deal at my house. As for what you said - we all say things without thinking and you did apologize. Shame on you for being human! Smile

ohxitsxapril's picture

Submitted by ohxitsxapril on Fri, 06/04/2010 - 10:39pm

reading this makes me think of my dh. he gets mad at me for the SILLIEST things. I say the wrong thing and he stops talking to me for a while. Its so childish. I think your dh actually getting MAD at you for saying that is childish too. Your sd shouldnt have waited till the last minute! why should you be stuck doing her laundry..?!