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“You have custody too, ya know.”

Trying to Stepmom's picture

DH shared this with me the other day. He told me that BM said this to him when she was trying to get SD13 out of her hair before the Stay At Home order went into effect. 

I tried not to LOL but I couldn't help it. He laughed a little and said that he could use that to his advantage in the future if needed. 

 Yes BM, DH does have custody - joint legal custody. You BM, have physical custody.

DH even remarked again today why he's relieved SD is not with us. Dr. Phil was on (I was waiting for the news to come on) and he said something about the kids stepping up and taking responsibility for things while they're home (schoolwork, chores, etc.). SD is almost 14, so she doesn't need DH looking over her shoulder or doing everything for her. 

SD would enjoy her time at BM's anyway. She told us she stayed up until 8am and then slept all day, and that it is her "new normal."  If she was with us, that would not be happening. 


susanm's picture

I happened to catch that part of Dr. Phil when I was waiting for the local news to come on.  He was talking about how people should expect more - not less - from their children during this crisis and that it was important for them to understand that we all need to participate to succeed.  I could not help but think that was a wonderful premise but that it was never going to fly in the Disneyland populated by children of divorce!

Trying to Stepmom's picture

I'm glad you caught that and explained it better. I kind of tuned it out between playing Candy Crush and breastfeeding. Smile I was surprised when DH commented on it, because he doesn't usually like when Dr. Phil is on.  But I think the latest episodes have been insightful. 

Monkeysee's picture

I’ve never watched Dr. Phil but he’s spot on. All these people concerned about how awful it’s going to be for skids to go a few weeks without seeing their parents obviously have a low bar of expectation for them. Kids are resilient when we allow them to be! When we spoil them rotten & teach them they should always get everything they want no matter what, even if it hurts (or god forbid right now kills) someone else, we do them such an enormous disservice. 

My skids understand why they aren’t seeing DH right now. They understand in their own ways what’s happening around the world & why it’s important we all do our part to keep people safe. That’s a good thing, not a bad one!

OP thank you to your DH for doing the right thing. I hope more families start taking the same approach, but sadly won’t be holding my breath for it.

Trying to Stepmom's picture

Even this morning, DH was texting with SD. I was surprised she was up, but it was because she hadn't gone to bed yet. He said they set a time to FaceTime after lunch so they could practice her instrument together. I'm taking bets on if she'll actually be awake enough to answer the call. But he said he did it to get her to be awake. He said she's pretty bored too, so she'll probably answer. 

And thanks! I hope more families take the same approach too. It makes me anxious with all the talk about it getting worse in my state. I'm reading about friends who possibly had it. And some stories of friends who aren't seeing their kids either because they work in the medical field and they don't want to expose their kids. So the kids stay at the other parent's house. 

Thumper's picture

Isn't if interesting how custodial parents NOW want ncp to 'step UP" and take the kids.

Wait wait wait...Thought dad was a deadbeat, now he isn't? Thought dad only deserved eow and summers. How convenient it is for most of  summers off are for the bm's.

Now they actually have to be a parent.




Trying to Stepmom's picture

I would have loved for him to retort with "well, just think of it as you making up all the time I had SD during 'your time'." Bahaha!

 Since EOWE was basically EWE more often than not. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

lol damn we have been in a "stay at home " order yet SD still comes back and forth . Guess BM meant it didn't apply for SD . 

strugglingSM's picture

Sounds like the BM in my life. She wanted DH to take Skids...he told her that he might consider it, if she wanted to discuss reducing his child support for the month...then silence from her. She makes more than both DH and I combined, but she's still desperate for his CS check every month. She gets CS because she is the custodial parent. DH will not become the custodial parent now just because SSs are so annoying that their own mother can't stand to be around them. They are teens, so they don't need supervision.