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The "Live at home in your 20's" trend

TrueNorth77's picture

I recently stumbled upon an article, which also sent me down a Tik Tok rabbit hole, about 20-somethings (I'm talking mid-20's to 30) living at home with their parents, and how "amazing" it is. There are many tik toks these "kids" made, saying how they love living at home and how much money they are saving. There's even some dancing to emphasize said amazing-ness. Lots said they could even afford to live on their own, they just didn't want to. ALL of the comments are of other kids supporting it. "I'm 27 and live at home, it's awesome!". "Normalize living at home in your 20's!". "I'm 19 and have no plans to move out, it's amazing here!". 

2 things. 

STFU. What if my skids see this???? They know this isn't something we would just allow, but I don't want it to be a thought in their head or a fight! 

Next, what do you want to bet that these "kids" are only thinking about themselves, with no regard to their parents and what THEY want? I suspect that when parents had kids 25yrs ago, they probably didn't anticipate these kids would be fighting to stay at home until they are 30 and they would never have the empty nest they envisioned. 

Now, I know some parents want their kids to stay, and if that's what the kid AND parents want...have at it. But I suspect that is not the case in all of these scenarios. 

I commented on one TT saying, "Some parents look forward to their empty nest- they didn't raise kids anticipating they would be staying in their 20's". And I got, "If they didn't want their kids to stay that long, they shouldn't have had kids". I'm sorry, what?

I understand inflation makes it more difficult to move out and be on your own these days. And yes it's probably great to live at home and save $. But I also think there are ways- roommates, etc. My main issue with this is these grown ass "kids" (Adults. They are adults) trying to "normalize" living at home, with no thought to their parents feelings or wants, or if this is a mutual want. And if it's not a mutual want and you don't just need a bit of temporary assistance, then GTFO. 



thinkthrice's picture

It's basically Mom and Dad acting as the welfare dept.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

becaause my DH and I were looking to buy a house and 90% of the people we know our age (I am 28 and DH is 30) had either lived at home until they bought a house OR had significant financial assistance from their parents to purchase their home and they all have full time careers. DH and I are the ONLY ones I can think of that have not lived at home for any period of time since we turned 21. I lived my undergrad breaks at my parents' house. DH has not lived at home since he was 20. Neither DH or I have had any financial assistance from our parents since we lived at home. In fact we sent DH's dad money the week before we closed on our house. Also, totally different if a family is well off enough to be able to afford to gift the downpayment or some contribution towards buying a home, that is a totally different situation. 

I will say that rent and house prices are CRAZY right now, BUT that means you just get roommates or pick places you can actually afford. DH and I are very good at making sure we live within our means because there is no one bailing us out if we don't and honestly we don't want anyone to bail us out. We are adults and furthermore we are MARRIED adults so it is our responsibility.

I know SEVERAL sets of MARRIED adults that are in their late 20's who have or are living with one of their parents as a married couple. I can't imagine living with my parents at my age, let alone being married. Totally different if there is a divorce of a DV situation or some like crazy life event that happens and their parent takes them in until they can get off their feet. I get that 100% and I know my parents would do the same or even if something crazy happened would take us in, but it would be for a set amount of time and with expectations.

DH and I have had MANY talks with my parents about the trend we have been seeing of this with friends and even family. My mom said she would obviously take us in, but there would be expectations and a time limit to figure things out. I have no doubt my parents love me, but they also won't enable me or us like other people do. There are plenty of people who do brag about living at home and all the things they can afford because not only are they not paying for somewhere to live, but aren't contributing at all to their parents' household.

Even our neighbors just took their 25 and 26 year old sons back into their home. They just BOUGHT THEM a trailer they are renovating for them to live in because as each of their 5 children moved out they renovated their bedrooms into something else. We really like these neighbors, but we would not be enabling them like this, no way. My aunt's cousin got married last year (30 and 32 I think?) and the couple bounces between his parents' house and her parents' house. Then he bought a CORVETTE because he could afford one since they do not pay to live anywhere. My cousin and his wife lived at my uncle's house for 6 months because they did not want to pay their rent increase while looking for a home. They both make over $100,000 EACH! But they love to travel, had free dog care while gone, etc. so they just banked money and traveled for those 6 months until they bought their home. 

StepUltimate's picture

Your username is accurate! Good for you two being responsible grown-ups instead of dependent, perpetual children. 

Sounds like you've got a good thing going. Biggrin

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Just last weekend we had my DH's best friend and gf over to our house. The friend helped us move, but the gf had not been to our house yet. So I gave her a tour, I made us a beer pub cheese dip, we watched a movie, etc. they stayed for a couple of hours.

When they were getting ready to leave the gf blurted out "how do you guys have so much money for all this stuff?" DH and I were taken aback and couldn't believe she asked that and we were like, well we have been saving for quite a while and 90% of anything new we bought, we bought on sale. Right after that they left and DH and I were just so baffled by what she said and honestly a little offended. We are not rolling in money by any means. We moved 40ish minutes from the city to be able to afford more and have less neighbors. 

Then afterwards we realized that it probably is baffling to her because her and DH's best friend are TERRIBLE at managing money. The GF spends at least $300 every other week on getting her nails done, eyelashes done, etc. They both like these $100ish each pedicures and they blow through their money. PLUS they DO NOT COOK so they are always eating out. Eating out easily adds up and we cut back on that before buying a house and are still cutting back on that so we can use that money elsewhere. 

I am not trying to toot my own horn or anything, but I am proud of what DH and I have accomplished in the last few years working together to identify where our financial priorities are and it kind of was insulting to make it seem like we were trying to be flashy. Our home was built in 1969, it is not brand new and I think maybe 10% of the things in our home are new, but most is possessions we already had. We luckily got a $100 mower that was originally $700 because we just so happened to walk into home depot as they put out last year's floor models on a super clearence so they could bring out the brand new floor models. We have been really savy on looking for clearence deals like this. I was so happy to find a $35 bathroom vanity we really liked and switched it for the one here. WE LOVE SALES.

shamds's picture

After graduating university but they all had fulltime jobs and therefore handled their own personal expenditures. The eldest son married age 27 and left home, he'a earning like $25,000 per yr and in his early 30s, his sister married age 21 to a dr, she was a nurse and she moved out when she married her guy.

anytime one of the kids has a baby, mother or mil comes and offers their help so biomum can get some rest and self care. They don't impose or intrude but help with post partum care. All have great relationships with their parents and financially better off compared to many others.

but this is typical asian and muslim families. Now there are if course gonna be those who are lazy. I mean eldest sd is 26/27 now and expects daddy still continue monthly allowance and she's living rent free in his home whilst hubby pays off the mortgage. She is caring for sd17 who is about to finish high school.

Biomum alienated them from their dad, eldest sd believes she is in a position of authority and since me and hubby married and had 2 kids together, taking younger sd into our home isn't something he wants to do to avoid the drama. Biomum ran off with both kids and cut off contact for 5 plus yrs. barely 1-2 yrs in she faked an illness and palmed off youngest sd care to eldest sd- that was the extent of her hatred towards my husband.

hubby continues the allowance for another 2 yrs max till he retires just to ensure youngest sd is taken care of. He is also paying cs to exwife and eldest sd claims biomum does give money every month for younger sd care. Whether that is true and if its all the money is a whole other story but for now its not worth the drama.

my brother complains about my husband being financially well off and that I benefit from that as a stay at home housewife but as a stay at home housewife i did majority of chores, i also cooked at home and we rarely ate out which meant we saved alot of money. My husband is also well established in his career and been working in his company over 30yrs now

my brother on the other hand every few yrs changing jobs and complaining management is bad blah blah blah. He rushed to get married within months of meeting a girl on a dating website because all his uni friends were marrying. He hadn't planned to save up for married life etc but crammed it in a few months. 

then when his wife migrated and they had kids, wife was having endless shopping sprees at designer stores, she wasn't caring for the kids all day but dumping them on the ipad fending for themselves. As a stay at home housewife for many years, she did not cook and they always ordered pre-packaged meals or order takeaway (that all costs money) and with a mortgage, they put themselves financially in the ground. 

my husband is also 18.5 yrs older than my brother so you can't compare financially someone in early-mid part of their career to someone who is mearing end of their career with early retirement.

my husband's monthly salary and yearly bonus was pumped into savings. Hubby bought a house in my country for us in my name in cash and that has forever pissed off my bro and his wife except their fake belief that I spend everyday of married life on endless designer bag shopping sprees is absolute bs.

We have been smart with how we spent our money. I married when i was almost 30, i cared for my elderly parents and still do with my now only surviving dad. He lives 20mins away and since covid i'm always helping out with grocery shopping and other stuff he needs help with.

my brother instead keeps burning himself into the ground then believes he's entitled to my late mother and dads full estate on the basis that i married a rich guy from overseas except i'm not entitled to pre-marital assets. My idiot brother and his wife believe i own half of everything. Jealousy can destroy families but I sacrificed alot to get to where i am now, my brother did not and is now playing victim along with his wife

TrueNorth77's picture

This was exactly it for me. I was given nothing when I moved out. I had a little apt. and when I moved to a bigger city, I found a place that I could afford, even though it wasn't in the most popular area. Even when I met DH I was in one of the worst places I've ever been financially and he was no better- in the 7yrs we have been together we have worked hard together to buy a home, make improvements on it, and even buy a 2nd vacation home. No one gave us a cent, and we didn't live with parents to get there. 

A lot of it is about taking the easy way out, relying on someone else to make it easier on you, and assuming that is your parent's responsibility. Again, if your parents are just dying for you to stay at home- whatever. But if you just don't give a shit and are going to stay there because it's helping YOU- that's super selfish. A Parent's job is to raise a child to be a functioning adult, not support them until they are 30. 

I find it more and more rare that 20-something's are out there supporting themselves without parent's help, so good for you and your DH for crushing it!

advice.only2's picture

Then there are the kids who want to GTFO but can’t.  My BS23 works a full time job with benefits.  His take home pay for a month is $2400.00, a 1 bedroom apartment here in town starts at $1200.00 a month.  He pays us $750.00 a month for rent and utilities and his car payment.  He gets a bump in pay next month which is great, but the “bump” will probably only be another $100.00 per paycheck.  DH and I would love for BS23 to be able to move out, but realistically it’s cheaper for all of us he just stays where he is for now.  

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

your BS actually PAYS rent and contributes to the household. The amount of people around mine and DH's age that has freeloaded off their parents when they have fulltime jobs is CRAZY. I don't think it is right to live off your parents like that and not pay anything, it is taking advantage.

ESMOD's picture

In his case.. I would probably enforce more "savings" for him to help him with eventual plans to move out.  For a guy living at home.. what is a reasonable pocket/spending money budget?  Certainly 2-300/week would be enough?  so.. 1K he keeps..and you take 1400 from him and anything not used explicitely for rent/car is put in a savings account for him.  Reasonable withdrawal for needs such as medical expenses... but that would enable him to get out there and have money for deposits etc.. when he IS ready.

I also am not sure where the reluctance to find a place with roomates started out.  I had roomates during and after college to be able to afford to live away from home.  1br start at 1200 but a 2 bedroom probably is not too much more... maybe 1500 or 1600.. and a 3 bedroom could be 2k?  so each roomate would maybe only pay 700 -800  right?

I get that being with mom and dad is more comfortable for many.. and it seems esp boys.. but the roomate exp.. learning to live independant.. those are skills thes kids are not learning.

But.. I get that when freshly in the workforce.. it's a bit tough to earn enough to live without roomates.

(but at that age.. if he isn't going to school... he could also be working a 2nd job to help make ends meet)

I have no problem helping kids when it's reasonable though.. just food for thought


TrueNorth77's picture

ESMOD that was exactly my point also- Yes, cost of living is absolutely insane now and much more expensive than when I was young. But, that's where roommates would come in. I also didn't choose to live in the most expensive city/area, I chose my location according to what I could afford. 

Again, some people like/want their kids around and this is mutually beneficial. I'm not really talking about those people, although I can't understand not wanting your own freedom. But when that's not the case and the kids are taking advantage or the parents are enabling them not to launch because they feel bad, that's where I get frustrated with this. And all the other kids see their friends living at home and are like, hey that looks good....

justmakingthebest's picture

I know times are different now, I get it. But I moved out at 18. My exH and I lived in a 2 bd room apartment with another couple. So the 4 of us were splitting everything. The guys were both E'3's in the Air Force (dirt poor), me and the other girl were both in college and waitresses (even poorer!). It was the only way we could afford it. AND we ate A LOT of ramen! 

I feel like people won't do stuff like that anymore either. Instead of suffering through roommate and ramen, they just live at home. Looking back though- those times were great! We were independent, we did it on our own. We lived and learned and became adults. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

all already. They want the house, the new cars, and all that goes with it, but without going through the steps to get there. When I met my DH, he lived in a 1 bedroom apartment. He had the two girls share the bedroom with bunk beds and he lived in the living room. At the time I had finally moved out from having a roommate, but I could only afford a 370 sq. ft. studio on my own because I was 10 minutes away from D.C. and it was almost $1,400 a month at the end of the day. Then DH and I got a two bedroom apartment in the same complex he was already in, wasn't the nicest, but wasn't bad because it was so much cheaper and allowed us to save. Then we moved cross country and stayed in a 2 bedroom for almost 2 years to save so we could finally afford to buy a home. 

Unless you are well off, these things come in stages and you appreciate it more. We just started to plant trees on our property and sure it would be nice to get the already 6 foot trees, but we went with the 3 foot ones because they were cheaper so we could buy more of them AND we get to appreciate them as they grow. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Parents are making it too nice at home. No chores, meals cooked for you, can sit and play the xbox in the living room all day. Letting boyfriends and girlfriends sleep over or even move in. No wonder they don't want to leave.

ETA also rents are high. But kids would be more likely to want to move out if parents didn't give them all the privileges of being an adult with none of the work 

TrueNorth77's picture

I recently read that only 28% of parents make their kids do regular chores. 28%!!! As opposed to 80+% when we were young. So now, it's pretty cushy to live at home and do nothing. I couldn't wait to get out- if I was doing chores, I would rather do them at my own place with no one yelling at me. 

ESMOD's picture

I saw somewhere that this whole "luxury" trend among the younger generation is a result of many of them choosing to live at home.. they have way more disposable income.  It would be 'too hardz" to live out in the mean old world where they would have to brew their own coffee and cook ramen for dinner.. where the premium cable chanel would be a luxury not afforded.. and high speed internet might be also.  that they might have to forego the new phone every 2 years.. (I regularly have mine 3 or 4 cycles/years).  That they might have to have less nice clothes.. not be able to afford that lux bag.. that nice vacation etc..

Now.. yes.. there are also people in underpaid jobs.. in housing markets that are impossible (like SF cali).  and when you are on the 5, 6 or 7 year college plan?  you might not even graduate until you are in your early /mid 20's.. and then you may not find that dream job to start.  I know when I graduated the job I got was very entry level.. and pay was pretty paltry.. not able to afford a car payment paltry.  I drove the 10 plus year old used car I had in college that was not lux by any stretch.

But kids aren't inclined to struggle.. and they don't agree that "because their parents did.. they should have to".. the whole "paying your dues" is not a theory they are on board with.. even at work where they often push back on the rote or uninteresting work that is a grind for most people starting out.

And their helicopter parents don't want their kids to have it hard.. so they allow them to stay longer.. and don't insist on good savings habits etc.

My 2 SD's are a good example of how they were raised shaped their expectations. 

OSD.. not much expected.. at 16 was given a used car that she didn't feel was good enough for her... at HS graduation we helped her buy a car and she was supposed to pay us back about 2500 that was the difference between what she had and the cost.. to this day she has not made an effort.. nor has my DH pressed her on this.  She thinks the only way she/a woman can be in a house is if a man provides it for her... and that men are dumb and will do things for her because she is pretty.  She tried CC but I am fairly certain she used the grant money on clothes.. and dropped out and went to work for a county at a modest pay rate.. where she has basically been working county jobs for 10 years.. barely reaching $40k/year. (maybe a little less)

YSD.. lesson learned from older sister.. she had to pay fully half of her first car.. so guess what.. she was happy with the modest car that didn't use all her savings.   When she grad HS she decided to take a job at a local factory.. where she has since worked her way up to a manager position.. she makes over 2x what her sister makes.. and they pay for all the college classes she wants.. so is working on her degree.. slowly.. but progressing.  She bought a used car with a loan on her own after she had worked a little bit.. and now is actually on her 2nd brand new vehicle that she has gotten loans on herself.. she and her husband got married.. all on their own money.. buying a house.. all on their own etc..

So. it started from the outset.. YSD had to be more resonsible.. so she IS more responsible as an adult.. she works hard.. was not afraid to take the hard job.. not looking to rely on a man etc.. and now she is in a great position.. while OSD will barely afford the payment on her doublewide.. on our land.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

bought me a car, a used car, but they bought it without me having to contribute to it at all. My parents did not teach me about credit nor made sure I was saving as much as I should so I made myself a bit of a hole in my early adulthood that I had to dig myself out of. Now I am the one who manages all the house finances and keeps an eye on our credit. My Dh did alright for himself before we got married, but I am way more organized and on top of it so I just run it all now.

Now my parents had both my younger sister and now my younger brother pay half for their car which was also used and have stepped up on making sure they help them with credit and finances. So while I am lucky that I did not have to contribute to buying my first car, etc. I wish I was given a bit more guidance so I didn't end up in the hole I did before, but I lived and learned from my mistakes and it is the past now. 

ESMOD's picture

I just think it contributed to her not makiing great decisions.. of course they are still different personalities.. YSD was always on us for advice.. how to do things best.. and wanting to be independent.. OSD thought her parents were stupid and listened to her (really really) stupid

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

do not help! LOL

For me, there was a point I was making good money for my age and instead of saving it, I was being dumb and wanted a new purse or stupid things like that. I did not manage my money so well in the beginning of being an adult BUT you really want to be better at it when it isn't just you on the line or your future.

TrueNorth77's picture

I was doing so well when I first moved out...annnd then I got a CC, and some friends invited me to Jamaica and I didn't have the $, so I was like, I'll just charge it! It all went downhill from there. lol. It took me over 10 YEARS to get out of that debt. I had to learn the hard way. But I did learn! 

Winterglow's picture

I think it all depends on parenting style - my DH moved out at 27 when he bought his first home (his sister stuck around until she was 34 - gasp!) but they were raised Mediterranean style and families tend to stick together. I was raised in the frozen north (kidding ... I think) and was desperate to grab my independence by the time I was 18 (my MIL interpreted that as me slamming the door on my parents lol - two very different worlds). 

I doubt I'll have either of mine back here to live. One has itchy feet and wants to travel (which is why she's studying tourism from all angles) and won't do any of her internships here in France, she wants to do them abroad. The other one I thought would be here with us forever (she has Down Syndrome) but she will soon be moving into the centre of her choice as she wants to live her life for herself - just like her sister. 

The only time I moved back in with my parents lasted 3-4 months because I had to in order to qualify for a grant. I didn't want to overstay my welcome and spent as much time as possible doing things that my mother hated doing, e.g. the ironing (which I hated too but that was the price I felt I had to pay).

TrueNorth77's picture

Winterglow...look at what you just said. You have a daughter with Down Syndrome, who wants to move out and have her independence. That is so amazing! Some of these other kids have no challenges or excuses but aren't doing it. They could learn a lot from her! 

I think you did something right to make her feel empowered to go off on her own, rather than like she needs to depend on you for her whole life. Same for your other daughter (I also have the travel bug and am a free spirit). Good job! 

secondplace's picture

A friend of mine has two sons in their fifties and they both live at home (one with his young adult son as well).  Their payment of rent is very sporadic - once in a while they will bring home a chicken or a pack of pork chops.  These two men are both employed but always too broke to pay Mom and Dad any rent money.  

My children both moved out in their early twenties.  I really like my empty nest!  My two SD's are in college in other cities.  I hope when they are finished school, they stay where they are lol.

TrueNorth77's picture

In their 50's?? Unbelievable.  

shamds's picture

Dad believed if 40yr old son split up with his wife, fine for a few weeks whilst looking for a place but not long after, 20yr old grandson rocks up. They now won't move out and elderly dad in 70s is fedup because wife is coddling these dickheads. 

husband decided selling home and downsizing would fix it. Nope, they divorced and 20 & 40yr old are living in a 1 bedroom retirement home unit with the exwife. My neighbour told me the son is a druggie, he's evading paying his fines. 

it sadly happens and the parent who stupidly says "oh my poor baby" needs a slap of reality 

shamds's picture

Till they marry so it's very normal. I'm a muslim and islamically, a woman doesn't leave home till she marries because her dad is responsible for her till she marries. Now many of us growing in the western world still work and get jobs or study at university etc. we still contribute to household bills. I paid for all the groceries, home phone and internet bills etc and car insurance out of my salary which was the bulk of household expenses 

in asian families also, kids don't get kicked out age 18 but parents don't allow them to be bums and freeloaders. You finish highschool and you are given 2 options, you study towards a university degree or work full time. They allow kids to remain home andnsave money for when ready to marry whether that is mid-late 20s or early 30s. 

when parents get old and frail, muslims are forbidden from dumping these elderly parents in an old age home like the west discards them. The eldest son or eldest daughter is responsible for caring for them or they share these duties. Same thing in most asian cultures. Its a culture they're very proud on that is all about strengthening family relationships and ensuring they become responsible empathetic people.

 My dad is european and was born a roman catholic and our family there also follow this way. Some did leave home early 20s as had partners they moved with or had moved to a different place and therefore lived on their own. 
what i'm not ok with, are adults indefinitely sponging off mum and dad and not contributing towards household bills.

growing up in australia, even kids from rich coastal suburbs who worked part time whilst studying at uni, their mum would one day say starting from next week, i need $50 per week rent to cover utilities and food etc. it wasn't really about the money but instilling in kids that nothing in life is free


StepUltimate's picture

I appreciate your posts, Shamds. Very educational from your perspective.

♡ from NorCal

TrueNorth77's picture

Yes, absolutely! I understand it's quite common in other cultures. I appreciate that also. Here, historically that has not been part of our culture, and now that it seems to be more prevalent, it's a strange adjustment for those of us who were not raised that way. 

shamds's picture

To be some americans with a culture and expectations that they can sponge off their parents or dad and stepmum mainly. Then not work part time or casually in latter years of high school then when college comes around, daddy primarily needs to cover university/college costs because their kids refuses to take out a student loan and work jobs to make ends meet. 

that entitlement is something not common in australia. I knew many kids at uni who would take 2-3 buses and trains from home to the city and university (a 2hr trip) because its too expensive to drive with a car and pay for student parking on campus. 
it didn't matter if you lived in the rich coastal suburbs in homes worth over a million, you were still humble enough to take public transport and use that time to study

what further annoys me is that many parents here on st took out student loans etc and worked hard to pay it off and save up for a home etc but some of their kids/skids believe daddy needs to pay their uni degrees when they're perfectly capable of takingnout student loans. Why should a 50-60yr old be covering loans or going into debt, taking money out of retirement savings for your laziness and entitlement?

different story if family well off and can and want to do it but reality is not everyone is that rich

Cover1W's picture

My sister is struggling with this situation now. My niece is almost 20. Her boyfriend is going to be 21 soon. They have lived with my sister for 2+ years now. She just started charging them rent ($400 total) that was to go up in January, but she never raised it. They don't pay for utilities. They contribute to but don't buy their own groceries. The boyfriend has a very good job and he could pay more. My niece has a part-time job and doesn't do anything else. I am hopeful she goes to CC this fall as I am helping her with this process. I also told her, many times now, never ever to rely on ANYONE else - learn to support yourself as a single woman, even if you have your mom and boyfriend helping - pay your way and get independent. 

My sister is scared that "she'll hate me" and "she's my best friend" UGH. She cannot put any boundaries down. Those young adults have it very easy and they KNOW it. Why whould they leave? There's no incentive. I can listen to my sister only so long then I tell her that she has the ability to stop it; if she wants her home back then do it. They CAN get an apartment together they just don't WANT to. 

It's very frustrating. But really, it comes down, I think, to how they are raised and what they want to do. I can see living with a parent in an emergency, short term, or for specific reasons with a time frame. But I was going to be dammed myself if I every moved back in with my parents. My first apartment was with t girl I sort of knew in college and it was not a nice place. I had a full time job during college breaks, my parents helped me a tiny bit each month (it was cheaper for them than me in the dorms because most of it I paid for) but that was mostly for food. My car (old used car) was all my expense as were all utilities. It was expensive back then relatively as well because of where we lived, but we did it because we wanted to.

TrueNorth77's picture

Cover1W, this is the perfect example of what I'm talking about! And I suspect this is what is happening in a lot of these "Living at home in your 20's is awesome!" situations. Kid think it's great and don't contribute at home, and just "save $"- parents are afraid to put down boundaries and feel bad kicking them out. Parents are stuck with kids at home when they really would rather not have them and for whatever reason can't find the backbone to tell them. It's so strange to me that the independence I wanted so bad is just not as common these days. 

Idk, or maybe there really are just all these parents out there who love having their adult kids live with them and I'm just super jaded and terrified of skids living with us in their 20's *blum3*

Rags's picture


Even worse are parents who never extricate their head from their ass on that idiot perspective.

Kids unfortunate enough to be spawned by these morons are just about shit out of luck in becoming viable adults. The odds of a succesful adulthood for these victimized BFF bred spawn are somewhere between slim and none.


While my brother and I are both very close to our parents, mom nor dad would ever allow themselves to be our best friends or us to be theirs. They raised is to be ready for life. The did not raise us to be their life or them to be ours.  As for their grand kids.... that is a different story.  


Rumplestiltskin's picture

I would also say that, as far as what kid needs to go as soon as possible vs who can stay longer depends on the kid. Are they 1) a help, 2) a benign presence, or 3) a pain in the ass? 1 and 2 can stay longer than 3.

SO's older son is 19. He is a help. He transports his younger brother to BM on the 5 days a week every other week that he needs to be brought, and manages the multiple daily phone calls with her to determine where and when she wants him because the b!tch refuses to keep a schedule. Older SS can stay as long as this goes on as far as i'm concerned. SO's youngest daughter was mostly a pain in the ass, still throwing frequent crying/screaming fits into her 20s. I don't think i could live with her.

My son moved out at 18, but stays on school breaks. He cooks for the family and helps with the yard, though he is messy so when SO and I move in together, if my son hasn't graduated i know i will have to either make my son pick up behind himself or do it myself. My daughter...she's going through a PITA phase so that's why she's in therapy and i'm not even thinking about cohabiting until that resolves or she moves out, which will probably be in a year or 2. 

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

I wouldnt mind if I had children because I would have raised them to be helpful around the home so it would probably help me more if they lived with me


I DO mind with steps because they arent helpful and create more work and do not save up any money or have any long term plans

I lived with my parents until I got married because that is our custom. We dont move out until we get married. We cleaned/cooked/helped financially. The downside was that a lot of us had curfews in our 20s and strict rules to follow as if we were still teens but the plus side is that if someone has a long day at work or school, there is always another person to help lighten the load of chores, errands, money


I think this works with normal children. Not american children and not steps


SS21 watches me carry heavy loads of groceries up and down the steps of our home and clean up and cook but he never offers help. This is a 21yo man....At his age, we were tasked with doing groceries and helping unload them and organize them....

He wont even take the trash unless told (not asked)


No job, no money, no help. Its practically like having a grown toddler at home 

Rags's picture

That said.... and IMHO... a parent's primary goal as a parent is to raise children to launch into viable independent adulthood. If the kid launches and at some point the parents and the kid align on making a joint home, fine. But... not until the kid has lived idependently and has proven themselves to be fully capable for a period that clearly estabishes them to be LEACH free.

For damned sure, the move back adult would be clearly required to be the live in chore beck and call unpaid resource ... who pays rent pays their share of utilities, and buys their own food... cooks regularly, etc....

Hey, if they want to fail to launch, they need to be exploited to the advantage of the parents/actual adults.

Their access would be minute by minute and if they ever get lippy, etc... they are gone. Immediately.

IMHO of course.

In the interst of full disclosure. My parents have offered for us to move in with them and do a multi generational home.  We own our own home, have a second home that we rent in a different state where we live and work so it is not that we need to live with my parents.  I am 59, DW is 47. Dad is 80 mom is 78. Their home is 5000+ft^2. They have offered us the upstairs to remodel as we wish.

Not something we are ready for just yet but... depending on career variables, etc... it is on our back burner.

floralsm's picture

It's crazy the house market here in Aus. People are living in tents in caravan parks at the moment because of the high demand for even rentals and unable to get one. 

We are currently renting and our house is owned by a young man in his 20's still living with his parents. He works full time and he helps out with their home and often mows their lawn (he lives around the corner). He doesn't have a partner or anything and the three of them seem happy living together. From my understanding a lot of young people want this lifestyle. Buy a house.. not live in it but rent it out and stay living with parents and have someone else pay their mortgage. I hope the skids don't do this to us, I will be saying go live with BM if they do. 

At the moment we are looking for a house to buy and have to resort to the 'cheaper suburbs' but they aren't really that cheap anymore. We now have to resort to looking at a dunga 3 bedroom houses that we can move into and DH can build extensions onto, to fit our family of 6. That's still us spending minimum $450,000!! For a 3 bedroom house and 1 bath. It's just effing crazy. 

Some people are saying their interest rates have sky rocketed so high, it's more than their annual salary can even cover now. They have no choice but to sell their house and try and find a rental. 
Because how the eff can they pay their home loans and have money for food, ect. 

I just pray the skids and our kids actually get a job and start financially being independent at a young age to get themselves onto the road of independent living. Otherwise I will be rocking back and forth in a corner living with either and they are jobless and want to stay home and mooch. 

Rags's picture

We still might depending on if we end up moving for work one of more times before I retire in 7-9 years.  The issue is that even spios in RV parks are getting hard to find.  

The Vanleigh Velano 390LK is the one we nearly bought.  The white cabinetry is what we would go with.  I called a day late to get the one we toured. We took too long to decide if we wanted to do full time Caravan living when I took the role in LV.  Right now we rent though we still own our home in Texas  So many of the desirabe cities are stup money for housing. Even rent.  A empty nesters, we do not have the challenge of a home that will accomodate kids.


2022 Vanleigh Vilano 390 LK luxury fifth wheel. - YouTube

JRI's picture

I'm 78 so I've seen it all, I've lived dirt poor and more  prosperously.  I left home at 18, had 2 kids by 21 and 3 SKs by 29.  Thank goodness, all 5 of our kids are launched and now launching their own kids.

The one thing that puzzles me, though, is the cost of eating out.  Every time there's a recession, I see and hear all the financial trauma that people are experiencing BUT I still see all the restaurant parking lots full.  How can families afford that in lean times?  My DD told me that's just the way people live now, ok I get it.  But I feel like saying, here's a clue: people having financial sttess should not eat out very much. It's so, so much cheaper to eat at home.

Rags's picture

Though we do splurge on breakfast on Saturday AM and will eat out a few times a month beyond that. The issue is the cost.   It is rarely less than $75 to eat out for two people.  And that is not even a remotely exclusive restaurant.  

So many people, primarily young people, rarely cook, they either eat out or Uber-Eats/GrubHub/Etc... nearly exclusively.

Fortunately my mother made sure her boys knew how to cook, read recipes, etc... My bride, has become an accomplished cook in her own right and has always been an accomplished baker. She now does low carb baking which is incredible. and makes our low carb life style no less tasty than we ate before we went low carb.

We are getting better at shopping local and in small quantities so we we eat everything rather than over buying and throwing away spoiled fresh veg and meat.  We are much better since DW started home officing since we eat out far less than we used to.

Kaylee's picture

My younger son (24) moved home a few weeks ago to live until he leaves on his OE in early June.

The lease on his apartment expired and it wasn't really worth him getting another one for only 3 to 4 months.

So he moved in. He's nice, respectful, polite, and looks after himself. Also he works full-time and goes out with friends quite a lot so honestly I don't see that much of him.

Actually it is nice to have this time with him, since he plans to stay and work overseas indefinitely (sad face)

On the other hand, if he was lazy, rude, disrespectful and messy, he wouldn't have been allowed to move home. LOL.

TrueNorth77's picture

I think this is one of those situations where, to me at least, makes sense. It's temporary, it serves a purpose, he manages himself and is respectful. Yes, absolutely help him out for a few months while getting to spend time before he goes overseas! I can imagine that's going to be hard for you!

A lazy, messy skid with no plans to launch would be a whole other ballgame :)