SD called the Cops on DH
This has officially become as ridiculous as it can be.
The last I posted, after 2 mos of refusing to come by us, Crazy forced SD to come the week before we left for vacay. We bought cameras (best thing we ever did) and have them all over the house because we didn't trust her not to make false claims after saying DH was "abusive" to Crazy and I am "abusive" also because I "twisted" SD's arm when she was 7.
Anyway, that first week back was awkward but not terrible. She was fine. She acted like nothing happened with DH, chatted with him, joked. Did her chores. It was strange. They had a joint counseling session and she was respectful and the counselor told her that DH and I haven't been abusive, but SHE has been verbally abusive to DH. DH admitted mistakes. It was positive. SD left saying she still wanted to see this counselor and they set up another appt for yesterday. DH asked the counselor to have joint sessions with Crazy and SD also, and she agreed, but Crazy refused and has since been looking for a new counselor for SD...
We went on vacay for 16 days, got back Sun night and skids came Mon. The drama with SS17 and college immediately happened and my vacay high was over. There was a different undercurrent with SD this week. Tense and off, I could feel something brewing. Thurs night at 9pm she asked if she could get ready for prom (today) at Crazy's. DH said fine. Then she started whining she didn't want to do the counseling session. He's like you are doing it. She kept going, and going. He started getting angry, he said you are doing it! It started to escalate and she got SNARKY. It was hard to listen to and I was staying out of it but at one point I turned and told her to drop the attitude. DH told her she couldn't get ready for prom at her moms after all, she was grounded, and she yelled, you can't stop me! He stood up and was yelling at her about 2ft from her and told her to just go to her moms now, pack her stuff and go because she's an ungrateful child. He was LIVID and I don't blame him, the tone and attitude...I would have lost it myself. SD called Crazy, who told her to call the cops...
So the cops come, we talk to them and give them the history of this situation with SD. They ask if it got physical (no). We tell them we have video. Crazy came and they asked if we were ok with SD going with her and we said hell yes. They said SD was "afraid to come in the house to get her things so SD wanted an officer to come with". Good grief. They were fantastic though honestly and we were laughing and joking with them despite it all. They left and then 15 mins later tried calling but we missed the call, so they came back and said SD (Crazy) was saying DH was waving his arms in her face and they just wanted to see the video to make sure nothing got physical. So Crazy was trying to push to get DH charged with something, not realizing the extent of our video footage. We gladly showed them, multiple angles, and While DH wasn't proud of his language or how mad he was, the officers said there was nothing in the video that would make SD think DH was going to hit her, and he wasn't "waving his arms in her face". Nice try!
We felt sick after it was over. We could not believe this Actually happened, even though we had prepared for it. Neither of us want SD here unless she actually wants to be here, which won't be for a very very long time. DH has to file to get SS off child support, but he's unsure how to handle this thing with SD. He doesn't think it's a good look to just try to terminate his custody. He's not sure what to do.
After the melee, SS17 told DH that SD14 has been on older men dating sites, and was attempting to fly a "17yr old boy from CO" here, and gave him her bank acct info and got scammed and lost all her $ and $500 of Crazy's!! wtf! DH almost started crying. What is wrong with this girl??
DH called into the joint counseling session yesterday- Told the counselor what had happened. SD joined late and said she would hang up if DH was there (called him by his first name). The counselor said no, that is your dad, you will be respectful, but SD kept calling him by his first name and said if she had a problem with it she could talk to her mom and hung up. Shortly after, Crazy called the counselor. When they got done talking, the counselor sent an after-visit summary to Mychart of what DH, SD, and Crazy ALL had said on the call, which I'm pretty sure Crazy was not expecting, because she liiied and then it was all written down. lol. She told the counselor the reason SD called the cops was that DH had locked SD out (nope) and that the cops took our cameras and were looking at filing disorderly conduct charges against DH (also no- taking a Ring camera does nothing, the footage is stored in your phone). And that she is going to get a restraining order against DH for SD. FFS. I think that's a lie and also doubt they will issue one anyway. She also said she is looking for a new counselor because she thinks this one is "intimidated" by DH and that this counselor told SD that she is abusive and DH is not the problem (the counselor noted this is not what she said), and just a bunch of other lies. This counselor is probably hoping she is relieved of this shit show.
I told DH I just want off this ride. Something needs to be resolved with SD. He said if Crazy doesn't file something this week he will.
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Comments
I'd be inclined to never let
I'd be inclined to never let her set foot in my house again. I can't imagine how hard this is. As a parent myself I get that your husband may have a hard time not allowing his child back over, but Crazy has her fully PASed. For his own safety, she doesn't need to be back over there unless and until she gets out from under Crazy's influence. Though I am sure that Crazy will want to send SD back over at some point, like if she wants to leave town with a boyfriend. Dad is bad until Mom doesn't want the responsibility of a child anymore.
Gads. It's not safe for you
Gads. It's not safe for you or your DH to be alone with SD right now. Lord knows what BS she'll try to pull next.
For now, it certainly seems best that your DH should only see SD in public places. smdh
Yep. I told him that If SD
Yep. I told him that If SD calls him for a ride like she has a few times out of the blue recently, I don't even think he should do it. I don't think he should put himself in A position to be alone with her. Crazy wanted him to get arrested or at least a Disorderly Conduct ticket. SD has said she wants him to go to jail. I really would not put much past her at this point.
Time for DH to press charges
Time for DH to press charges against them both, SD and Crazy, for making false police reports. Which can be punishable by up to 6mos in jail and fines in the $thousands. Depending on your State.
No rides. If he wants, he can
No rides. If he wants, he can pay for an Uber. But at this point? He should never be alone with SD and her coming to your home is out of the question.
Ha!
Our town is so small we don't even have Ubers. The answer is clear and always has been- she is NOT sick (she is "sick" like once a week) and can stay at school, or she can walk home. Both are solutions! Him giving her a ride is not an option right now and I 100% agree that she is not coming to our home.
Then she can call Mommie
Then she can call Mommie Dearest or walk. If she has a bicycle, start pedaling.
So ridiculous
The amount of times DH and I have argued about poow widdle SD having to walk somewhere is crazy. I bite my tongue most times because it's a guaranteed argument. She whines and whines because her backpack is sooo heavy. She is lazy and doesn't want to walk so no one makes her. She has a bike. She has an electric scooter for the love. You could see her previous school from our front porch. It was 2 BLOCKS from us, and DH would still drop her off and/or pick her up most days. But she doesn't "like" riding her bike, and now she's "embarrassed" to ride her electric scooter. So everyone does what she wants. I swear, if she tries to call him after this and play sick and he goes along with it...
Gaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!
Gaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!
This Is How You Resolve It
Your SD never sets foot in your home again...UNLESS there are massive changes made and apologies along with the extra relational work done. You know none of that will ever happen so she stays out of your home. Your DH sees her (if that ever comes to pass) outside your marital home and in PUBLIC places...NEVER should he be alone with his daughter due to the horrific lies that could actually get him arrested and face jail time. Nope. I'd probably wear a body cam, if I were him. SMH
Public
Love the idea of him seeing her in public places only, IF it gets to the point of them seeing each other again. Definitely not in our house.
Yes, public. And NO to
Yes, public. And NO to picking her up. She can walk or ride her broom.
Hahaha
The broom. So accurate.
Thank goodness you had the
Thank goodness you had the cameras. I agree with not letting her in your home and not being alone with her. Your DH bred with a "Crazy" woman and his daughter is a very disturbed young woman.
Good thing cameras were there
Good thing cameras were there.
If your SD is heavily influenced by "Crazy", and the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, then ....
Not trying to justify that behavior but it gives a bit of reason why she's acting like that.
Best of luck ironing this all out in family therapy
He said if Crazy doesn't file
He said if Crazy doesn't file something this week he will.
Not sure what you mean. What will he file?
Other than the cops being called, this sounds very similar to what happened with my SD when she was 15. She never visited regularly after that. In fact, it was about 7 months before she came back over, and that only lasted for a couple of months before she stopped with visiation, period. It hurt my DH but he was so tired of the bullshit with BM and SD. I have never felt the same about my SD, since. That was when I truly became emotionally disengaged. I still care about her well being but I lose absolutely no sleep over her. Her life is hers to ruin and I don't worry about it. My DH does, but she's now 32, so not much he can do about her choices.
I believe, under BM's instructions, my SD was trying to get DH to hit her so that the cops and family services could be brought into it, so she could legally stop DH from seeing SD, and SD, being afraid of BM, went along with it.
It's really scary to think of what these BMs and kids will do, what extremes they will go to.
Yes! My OSD cried abuse and
Yes! My OSD cried abuse and yelling and feeling threatened because DH finally raised his voice at her when she 1000% deserved it. BM only believed a 13 teen girl's story. That was the last day she was at our home. Same pattern.
OP, no more interaction in your home, period.
My SO's kids never did that
My SO's kids never did that to him, but his 2 daughters accused their mother of abuse and my SO swooped in to rescue SD now24.. It was a huge mistake, and SD24 just went further and further downhill after an 8 or so month honeymoon period when she first moved in. SO's brother's daughters also did the false abuse thing. The thing all 4 "girls" (3/4 are grown now) have in common is they are all pretty screwed up in the head. By the time you get to false abuse allegations, i think the damage is done and sadly they will never be normal.
Crazy
It never ceases to amaze me how almost identical our story is to yours, even as it is developing! DH raised his voice at SD and she will be crying abuse from the hilltops as long as anyone will listen, and even beyond that. And of course Crazy believes every word of SD's, and even made up more of the story to make it sound worse. I 100% believe she told SD the police "took our cameras" (as if that's how technology works) and are considering giving DH a disorderly conduct ticket. SD will be repeating that story to everyone to showcase how awful her father is and how much trauma she went through. Truly a victim.
I have hope DH and her can have a relationship, but it's clear that time is not now, and if he tries to allow her to come back in the near future without some big change, we will probably have an issue. That is why I want a clear custody change.
If you can get a copy of the
If you can get a copy of the incident report and filing it away it may be worth having on hand at some point in the future.
Cover1W
What did your DH do after this regarding Custody? Did he sign his rights away? Change custody? Was she refusing to come? Trying to see how it played out for others custody-wise.
My DH did nothing but try to
My DH did nothing but try to arrange therapy sessions for himself, OSD and BM. With a super reputable therapist who also had experience with PAS (and used during the divorce so DH liked her), but only one meeting happened with DH/BM for background and there was never any addition with OSD, because OSD refused to go. And BM didn't make her or understand the importance. Because DH doesn't matter.
DH did meet up with OSD in public a couple times, but those were not good meetings either. My blogs cover those.
BM could have gone back to court to ask for a change in support, but she never did, we have no idea why, but thank goodness. DH didn't contest anything because it would have been a lot of $$ for no result (put a kicking and screaming 13 yo into a car or literally drag her from BMs house? No thanks - esp. because BM wouldn't have supported her coming here at all because "meanie DH").
OSD refused to come, refused to meet DH at BMs house, and other than the few public instances, there was no in person contact. OSD would not answer emails or texts. DH eventually found out she had changed her number and email address and never told DH. He found that out when the college funding issue started coming up and he demanded to be able to discuss it with OSD - but all communication went ONLY via BMs phone. And if it was a phone call, BM was there in the background listening and sometimes commenting.
DH eventually stopped trying to see her, just sent gifts (like via Amazon - the Amazon gift cards were never opened or used) at Xmas and birthdays. I think he sent some cash on her HS graduation. Of course no thanks was ever received.
She's now 20 and in college, and still zero connection. He and I are both blocked on all her social media. He could write to her via the college, but doesn't - he says it would be too hurtfull to have no response still. I disagree, but I cannot make him do it. I don't think he's seen her since she was 15.
He's in a better place now with it, but is terrified of losing contact with YSD18 as she's barely coming to our home now either. There's a different level of difficulty with her due to social issues and things she has (undiagnosed autism IMHO) but he's going to make a last push this spring/summer as the weather gets better and he can do things with her outside. She's horrible at communcation because she simply doesn't "get it" not necessarily because she's ignoring DH. But it's something he has to work on with her; I've advised him to tell her the Truth - that it hurts him when she doesn't respond or come over but he's yet to do that.
We long ago adopted the
We long ago adopted the "Never let them forget." Model. We still use it with the SpermClan sending them invoices on their unpaid balances for SS medical care not covered by insurance. We apply the IRS penalty and interest tables so they are well into the $5 figures 20 years after the CO was first issued.
On a different topic, we do the same with SS. He is shit at communicating. So, we pester him via telephone, text, and email until he calls. It has evolved into a few calls over a few weeks leaving a message. Then we start the text and emial bombs. Finally it lands on a blizzard of "Proof of life?" texts. Then... we will get a text appologizing, stating he will give us a call... and a few days later he will call. You can just about set your watch on the timing of the cycle.
After we have a 1-2hr catch up call. Crickets. Then the badgering starts and escalates until we get the call.
He is Johnny on the spot for family gatherings and a mom/dad/kid trip every couple of years. He will not let us pay for his flights. So, we buy round trip for all 3 of us from where we live to the destination. He buys his round trip from his duty station to our city. Once we are all together.... we pay. He gives us crap for paying but knows that is the Rags clan model. Unless we are all visiting my parents. Then it is the elbow throwing injury inducing rush to get wallets out of back pockets or purses to pay. So we end up splitting it between "head of clan branches". That means dad, me, and my brother. Dad gloats because he thinks he is putting one over on us by paying far more than his and mom's share. But... we never let them buy for the group of as many as 13.
Yep dad, you win. You paid more than you should have.
Several things in regards to Crazy filing
DH is afraid (rightly so) that it will not be favorable to him if he files for a custody change. He is going to see if Crazy does it first, or, if she follows through on her threat to file a restraining order against him for SD (highly doubtful, and also doubtful one would be granted as there are no grounds). This would make the custody change not his choice, and hopefully make the child support payment more favorable for him. If it looks like he just wants to ditch SD, we don't think a judge is going to be kind to DH.
I am exactly where you are- emotionally detached from SD after all of this ridiculousness. I have zero hope that things will get back to normal with her and I, I don't trust her and I am done putting in any real effort aside from being courteous. I wish happiness for her, but don't really feel much else for her at this point. Which is sad, because I did love her. I just see her differently and although I know she is being emotionally abused, I also see true evil intent there that is really scary. I can't do it. Done. I think we have been on the roller coaster long enough that DH is starting to become numb to it also and is feeling less upset after each debacle, just wanting it to end.
My DH's relationship with his
My DH's relationship with his daughter did get better a few years after her episode. She knows that her mother basically ruined the relationship that they once had. Unfortunately, she still depends on her mom for a lot (even though she's 32). So, we still don't completely trust her but DH talks to her often.
I, at one time, also loved my SD (been in her life since she was 5) and I don't hold what she did against her, but it's not the same.
Don't let her come over
Don't let her come over anymore. Perfect consequences for this shitshow. My DH was attacked by OSD at 16 for taking her phone from her. She texting with BM and getting sassy. She ended up attacking him and breaking his shoulder that required surgery, rehab and time off from work. BM rewarded her. Crazy behavior at the level requires you put yourselves first and stop all visitation with SD. She earned it.
The peace that will follow is long overdue for you and DH.
My bio went temporarily
My bio went temporarily insane when I took the phone away.
This generation of kids is addicted to those smart devices and temporarily removing the privilege is an excellent consequence however it imo is like abruptly removing other vices such as cigs/liquor/etc from an addict with the ensuing behavior
My bio didn't want to end up in permanently hanging up her night coat so, while she had a full blown level 10 meltdown, she knew better not to lay her hands on me.
If my child dare put their hands on me I will press charges AND sue them for medical expenses, at best....
Good thing your husband banned her from the house for everyone's safety
That’s insane!
I do not want SD here and will fight DH in the event he somehow would want to allow her here. A custody change needs to happen so it's in writing and Crazy can't try to just drop her off on our time. This has gone too far.
THAT ##### (profane language) would
NEVER EVER BE ALLOWED IN MY HOME AGAIN. IF it was me my partner would have to meet that ***** elsewhere.
My partner's eldest son is permanently BANNED from my home. My partner is frustrated as I will not budge on my stance and he has finally realised the level of disrespectful behaviour his kids in the UK showed me.
He is depressed about this but I have said to him that I dont care as his son's behaviour was disgusting. My home is not a club, ad-hoc babysitting service where the friends kids were dumped onto me sneakily WITHOUT ANY PRIOR REQUEST OR PERMISSION, whore house, doss house etc for the disrespectful son and his FRIENDS. His daughter dumped her brat onto me as I work from home and the brat had no manners and was EVIL to my grandchildren. My partner's adult kids in the UK AND THE BRAT KNOW WHY I HATE THEM....
if i were you i would not EVER allow his daughter back into your home. DISENGAGE COMPLETELY FROM HER. IF your husband wants to get involved that is on HIM. NO RIDES OR FAVOURS FROM YOU.
Good luck..
Please make sure your DH checks with his attorney before
Please make sure your DH checks with his attorney before filing anything. If he is non-custodial, he does not have to take his visitation. He can just let things ride. If he files to lower his visitation, he will have to pay more child support. And there is no way he can "terminate" his rights to SD. He could file to give BM sole custody, but he would still have to pay child support. For now, he should just let things be. If SD wants to come over, he can simply refuse.
I am going to suggest he call
I am going to suggest he call his old attorney to see his best way to handle this- he hasn't used his attorney in 7yrs. We have 50/50 custody but as far as I know neither is designated as custodial- if he isn't taking his visitation, he is violating the custody agreement. He can most likely be held in contempt of court right now, the only thing he has going for him is SD is refusing to come, and she called the cops so it's not a situation where she should be here. He knows if custody changes he will end up paying more child support, we feel like it's a given. Definitely not ideal, but we don't see how it's avoidable at this point.
But, that's why he's hoping Crazy will file for a change (then he isn't the one initiating, making it look like he doesn't want SD), plus SS17 is literally going to be dropping off his child support payments in a few weeks. Plus we found out Crazy makes almost DOUBLE what she made when child support was decided. With any luck, his payments would stay the same if Crazy has more custody of SD.
I would update
I would update the order to give her full custody. I would do it regardless. I wouldn't allow that kid back.
Read the custody order. In some states, even with 50/50,
Read the custody order. In some states, even with 50/50 - one parent is still designated as "primary" or "custodial." In any case, he should check with his lawyer. And do not worry about what will look good or bad to the court, in most cases it doesn't make a difference. Just do what makes the most sense for the situation.
Rather than cry, I would have
Rather than cry, I would have LMAO over SD and Crazy getting scammed for $hundreds by this idiot nad nugget's online stupidity.
I would also be so far up SD and Crazy's asses that I could hear what their idiot brains are thinking. That kid fails to attend therapy, of is one microsecond late for a COd visitation, it would be cops in front of their house, copies of the CO distributed liberally to all present and to anyone who might have even a sliver of an incling of any of the bullshit those shit people spout.
If I was DH, based on the hopefully recorded call that SD and Crazy made to the tele-couseling session, I would slap Crazy with a defamation suit and bare both of their lying shit berry covered sub primate hairy asses in court on the stand betting shredded for their lies in front of a Judge.
And, I would sue the shit out of Crazy for every micro-Cent of overpaid SS. DH needs to cut off the CS gravy train to Crazy for SS immediately if not sooner.
Great move on the cameras. Buy more! Put them in your cars, wear body cams anytime there is any chance that they will lie about something. Your house is not likely the only place that there is risk for them to fabricate made up bullshit that they try to call LEOs about.
4more years, then they can rot.
I am sorry that this is the life you and DH are living.
Wow - that's so psycho. I
Wow - that's so psycho. I guess the crazy doesn't fall too far from the crazy tree.
I think this must be what guys mean when they say on dating sites "no drama." LOLOL
Hahaha
One of our friends saw Crazy's online dating profile and DH told him he should date her so maybe she would leave us alone. lol. I said that is the meanest thing you've ever said, and told him to not even think about swiping on her. He said he's no fool, he swiped left. Lol
Thank god for the cameras. I
Thank god for the cameras. I agree with everyone else, SD does not set foot in your home until this is thoroughly resolved, even if it takes years and years. What an absolute nightmare.
Imagine if you hadn't had
Imagine if you hadn't had cameras..
I think he needs to stop w/ her. If he gives her a ride she'll say he was abusive. If she enters your home she may call the police again. You know she will lie, she just did it. Protect your home, protect your selves. He tried, it failed. Now it's selfpreservation time. He needs to drop the rope before she and her mom hang him with it.
All of this
We both said getting those cameras was the best thing we've done. This was enough- I cannot believe the cops came. We live in a small town where people can see and talk about what happens. It's embarrassing and trashy. I'm not doing that again. This is NOT going to change anytime soon.
You really can not have SD
Comeover anymore until things really change. Like looking at it in a year. You just can't have this drama going on in your home can't have kids / crazy calling the police. DH hs to decide what's he going to do see her.or not. If he does it has to v=be in a public place with cambers. The kid is nuts, some thing to be done about that.
.
Scorched earth time. No
Scorched earth time. No visitation in your home, no being alone with this kid, no rides, nothing. He needs to completely disengage. And, really, he needs go after her and her mother for defamation. If he doesn't draw a line in the sand NOW, things will continue down the same path. There's no coming back from what they did. Use the therapist's report to your advantage.
De ja vu
They all read from the same script.
The moment that bio dad moves on, the PAS ramps up to an obscene level.
Bio dad can either can move on and ultimately not have a relationship with his kid or can stay stuck kissing the BM and skid(s) asses forever and have a relationship with skid(s). But not another romantic relationship.
BM of course is free to move on at any point with no repercussions. The visitation starts to slow down and ultimately stop for no good reason. When skid does show up they start using bio dad's first name and starts to confront bio dad and SM based on the BM's lies. At this point bio dad is merely a walking wallet.
Then the accusations start flying and the BM is intent on getting biodad and SM into some sort of legal trouble or on some sort of abuse registry...usually calling CPS and/or the cops for some sort of twisted "validation" that she is the wonderful parent and bio dad is trash. Something she can crow about to her friends and her family. This is all done via the skids. It's pathetic and predictable like clockwork. Every Friday, when there is usually an exchange of custody, the accusations fly and the calls to 911 asking for a cop explode.
Wash rinse repeat.
You know this can effect you
"It's a small town". If you are looking for a job. Trying to get elected to something. Then if SD presses charges there lawyer fees, that start at $1000. Be careful. She always made her move by calling the police.
She is crazy, but you have to live a normal life, in your town. I had a job if SD pulled any B.S. like that, I could of been in trouble at work, She would never step foot in my house again. I dint know what my wife would do. She would have to find a real job first.
Most states have a calculator
Most states have a calculator they use to determine CS, your DH could go ahead and look at that to get an idea of what 80-20 would look like. They won’t take away his rights completely unless he willingly chooses to sign them away, but even if he does, they could still make him pay CS.
He looked at 100% with Crazy
Since SD was refusing to come here at all. It was like $1,000/month. But, we thought she made less then. This judge has also not really gone by any calculator. The last review DH ended up paying less than he probably should have. The judge was definitely using discretion. So it's kind of a crapshoot. How does it work with these other families where their kids refuse to come by them? It can't be 80-20, but I also can't imagine they all just sign away rights.
When we went through a CS
When we went through a CS review with Meth Mouth here in CA the court told us it would be factored at 80/20 regardless of if Spawn was visiting or not, this goes along with an EOW type scenario which is what most NCP’s get. They also ran Meth Mouth as having a minimum wage full time job despite her not working.
I was under the impression
I was under the impression that you could only sign away your rights if someone else is willing to adopt the child, like BM's new spouse for instance and that in some places, even if you manage to sign away your rights, you can still have to pay CS.
I think she meant giving full
I think she meant giving full custody and all rights to BM. Medical , school etc...
Here's the thing, DH needs to
Here's the thing, DH needs to be clear to himself what his boundaries are with SD and BM from here on out. BM's are famous for indulging skids, turning them into monsters that turn in them and attack BM , then she thinks she can then dump hot mess skid on dear old dad insisting he clean up her mess. I can see this happening in your situation. Do discuss this with DH. This will always be. Although you can't predict the future, there's enough knowledge on this forum that you can use those stories to come up with a plan for your future.
This has happened - Sd25 Feral Forger!
When Feral Forger was too much for her mother to handle, husband would get a text/series of texts stating that she "did her time" and now it was husbands turn to "be a father". Except for the fact FF couldnt be respectful towards myself, and then I became the reason husband couldnt 'be a father". Toxic Troll was forced to move to get rid of her daughter.
Happened with my SO's brother
Happened with my SO's brother's 2 teen daughters with his second BM. She sent them for their first short visit in years, then left the state and went into hiding, not accepting calls, because she "needed a break" from the monsters she created. The girls spent one week at my house (bc i was still "all in" with helping SO and his family at that time), 2 weeks at my SO's house during which they first told me my SO was moving them into his house, then accused my SO of molesting one of them, then spent half a night at their dad's (my SO's brother) house which was cut short by their stepmom calling the police after one of them got violent because she wanted Chik-Fil-A, like now, and her dad wanted her to eat the home cooked meal they made instead. The girls were bounced around various family members' houses until their mom was located and convinced by a therapist to take them back. I haven't seen them since and don't plan to be alone in the same room with them, or near them, ever again.
Your DH needs to protect
Your DH needs to protect himself against your SD and BM.
Never be alone with the spawn. Just imagine if she accused him of another kind of abuse....you know what I'm referring to. These people will stop at nothing, out of spite and vindictiveness.
That would be catastrophic for your lives.
We experienced something
We experienced something similar. There was a point i slept with bedroom doors locked out of fear. Our therapist suggested ONLY seeing skids in public where cameras present to protect dh.
They are not allowed in our home. Bm had a fit and said dh couldn't do thaaatttt. Whelp he did and when the skids said on the stand the did everything on purpose ...that was the green light. We were no longer going to be abused by skids or by proxy via bm anymore.
That is the short story.