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This Idiot....

tankh21's picture

This weekend sucked without no AC however, we are getting a new one tomorrow Yesterday, I was out doing yardwork in the front yard. DH had an appointment with a client. All of the sudden I see BM pull up next to the driveway in her BMW and out walks OSS. I am just sitting there with my arms crossed glaring at both of them. BM and OSS know very well that she is not allowed at our house. I think that they were just both trying to set me up for failure. So I wait until OSS is done talking to her and she drives off and I ask him why BM showed up at unannounced and he just laughs and ignores me. So I call my DH and tell him what happened. When he gets home he talks to OSS and then takes everything away from him. He then texts BM and reminds her that she is not allowed to come over our house unannounced because it's not her house anymore and if she is concerned about anything regarding the skids he needs to be contacted first. BM ignored the text. I mean what should we do next time this happens?


STaround's picture

And the kid knows exactly what he is being punished for

tankh21's picture

LOL WTF are you even talking about? The witch BM isn't allowed at my house because of the drama her and her son have caused before. My DH was not informed that the BM was coming over. It works both ways. Let me just show up at BM's house unannounced. She has no right to show up at our house unannounced. She needs to inform my DH of this kind of stuff. It is called COMMON Courtesy!!! Get over yourself!

momjeans's picture

There’s nothing you can do really, aside from casting out a few handfuls of long, fat, sharp nails where she pulls her BMW up to. 

BM drives a BMW too. Such a caricature of her materialistic self. 

CLove's picture

My husband works on BMW, and we have 2. So I just had to get my 2 cents in there. LOL.

Also, Toxic Troll drives a new BMW that is a 2 seater. Not sure why since she has 2 kids!!! So thats selfish of her. She purchased it previously with Tweedle and it was because she figured she would get free/cheap services from my DH. I fricken hate that, but what can I do?

STaround's picture

Taking everything away from kid was wrong.   At the end of the day, are you trying to drive the kid away?

tog redux's picture

Did he lose stuff for being rude to you? Or did he lose it because he spoke to BM on your time? Or because he summoned BM?

This is a tricky issue. She could very, very easily spin this as you guys alienating her and refusing to allow her to speak to her kids on "your" time. And then SS gets punished for speaking to her on "your time".  She can easily say that she was just dropping off (insert important item here) to her son and the court would lap that right up and make DH seem wrong for not letting her. 

I'm quite sure she's doing this for power/control thrills, but the best thing to do would be to ignore it, most likely, unless it starts to happen every day. 

CLove's picture

It makes sense to punish the disrespectful to SM behavior, but it is totally tricky when BM decides to "drop by".

Toxic Troll does this, and I hate it. She has "dropped" off things for munchkin sd13, and both DH and I are pissed, because she disrespected our boundaries previously many many times.

If she was a nice normal person co parenting it wouldnt be an issue at all.

ESMOD's picture

Well... you can't control her really.. but, you bet I would have had a consequence for your smug little OS.

When he breezed past me with no comment after I asked him.. here is what would have transpired.

1.  The internet?  yep.. cancelled.  I would have that router locked up... for the remainder of their visit.

2.  Any cell phones or electronics within my reach.. I would scoop them up so fast and without warning and they would also go in the locked up.

3.  Cable/TV?  Yep.. you got it.. I would call cable to suspend it..

4.  Now, I'm going into the kitchen.. boxing up all the treats they loooove.. and they go to the local soup kitchen.

There would not be one toy, entertainment device or pleasant treat left at their disposal.

They can have "three squares and a cot" to put it in army terms.  three balanced meals and a place to sleep... that's it.

And I would do all of this before I even told them I was doing it.. it would just happen in a flash and those kids would be looking at each other like WTF????  Then when I was done.  I would make one simple statement.

"You boys both know that your mother is not to come here without specific advance notice to your father or myself.  You and your mother ignored it.  OSS, you also refused to acknowledge my question to you.  You can both enjoy your new spartan lifestyle for the remainder of your stay in this  home as a result of your poor decision making."

and if you clueless DH gives you one iota of push back (and I wouldn't give him the key I would inform him.. good luch with your visitation buddy.. have a nice time I'm leaving.. and so is all my money and food I bought with my money.  Oh.. cancelling the AC man on my way out.

advice.only2's picture

Not much you can do, there is a lack of respect from every person in this equation.

I have a feeling if you ever got a divorce and met a person who actually respected you it would be shocking to you.

Ispofacto's picture

Send her a Tresspass Warning Letter, and CC your local PD on it.  Send her a certified copy.  You can find samples online.  Change the wording to fit your situation.

Then next time she comes, take a photo and call the PD.  Consider installing a security camera floodlight pointed at the driveway.

Something like this:


500 Main Street
Anytown, USA 00000


January 1, 2010


BioHo HoBag

1234 High Street

Anytown, USA 00000


Dear Ms. BioHo:

This letter is formal notice that you are forbidden coming on our home property located at 999 Blackacre Road, Anytown, USA 00000, except for child custody pick-up/drop-offs, scheduled in advance.  If you attempt to enter or remain on that property, you may be subject to legal action, including arrest and criminal trespassing charges. 

This notice is effective immediately, and will remain in effect [permanently / until a particular date].  A copy of this letter has been provided to law enforcement.



Mr and Mrs Tankh21
Cc: Anytown Police Department

twoviewpoints's picture

As long as BM stayed in her vehicle on the main road, it would not have bothered me. And if it did annoy I'd never let OSS nor BM know it. Why reward them with the satisfaction?

What would have gotten my attention however was the smug punk attitude from OSS. You'd have got the same "up your's' from him even if you had merely politely asked "is everything ok?" 

So she just swung by to make an appearance? Pfft. Least she could have done since she was wanting to shake her *ss is drop off a big bag or two of junk food. Did she perhaps hand him cash to order carry out delivery when you're not home this week? 


tog redux's picture

I agree. Giving it attention is feeding the beast.  OP standing there looking angry was just the sweet stuff she was hoping for. 

Ursula's picture

So she just showed up at your guys house to talk to SS?  Your husband should do the same at BMs house.  What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

I really don't know how you put up with the disrespect from this kid.  Is your husband really that great that it's worth getting treated like shit on a regular basis?

Dovina's picture

OSS asks you a question just laugh and ignore him. Give what you get. He has no respect for you, well that works both ways. Make him the uncomfortable one. 

Annoying as it is if she was on a public road you cannot do anything. Live and learn, next time do not let them know this gets to you. BM and OSS get thrills from riling you up, dont give them that.

Hopefully the days fly by untill this little sh*ts visitation is over. I wouldnt cook or grocery shop until he is gone.


somethingwicked's picture

OP ,why are you still in this circus of a marriage?

If you were OUT of there you would not have to be posting daily on ST hoping for????what?? some answers ?

You received  that answer in many previous posts: LEAVE..


You'd then be free of all this rancor and being abused by your disrespectful DH and his eqaully disrespectful Spawn.


Cooooookies's picture

This is why I stopped responding when you were on here before tank.  It's one thing to go through stuff with your DH being supportive and loving and kind.  It's quite another when you're going through StepHell because your DH is 100% the cause.  There is no advice for that, unless you want to be married to a partner like that.  My guess is you don't as you post on this website because it all upsets you.

There is no answer, no magical potion, no spell, no miracle, no book to read.  It is simple.  Your DH is a selfish, uncaring, skid-centered a-hole so none of this will change.  It is unfortunately just that.

ESMOD's picture

It seems like him being unemployed is a fairly regular occurrence too.  He was unemployed last year as well.

I can speak from personal experience that it is near impossible to get ahead when your partner has regular stints of unemployement that erase any amount of savings you have managed.


Cooooookies's picture

Yes, that was my last marriage.  Half unemployed, half employed.  When he was employed, he just did what he liked with the money he earned.  In the end I lost everything.  Literally everything.  I moved to England with a suitcase holding all of my worldly belongings.  They will just drag you down until there is nothing left.

somethingwicked's picture

Lifted this from your post  titled "Conclusion "..

Submitted by somethingwicked on Fri, 06/07/2019 - 2:44pm

Hon, time to leave this man and his lack of any attempt to be a husband, partner and father.

He is a bum and is using you AND gaslighting you into believeing that YOU are the problem.

Leave this nightmare.

It is NOT of your making.His children are NOT your responsibilty.

His lack of  ability to shift HIS responsibilities whether  financial or parenting or being a dependable partner that defines  a couple, a team, a marriage is full on display in every one of your frequent postings.

 NONE of this is your making or responsibility.But he expects YOU to carry his responsibilitires,his load.

Start planning to leave this abusive loser.Your attending therapy alone will NOT change him.(THE purpose of ) Therapy will(is)  not (to)make you stronger  (in order ) to stay and bear up under his abuse.

Therapy should open your mind to the truth that you are not the cause and should not deserve punishment.Because that is what this marriage sounds like ~a horrible life sentence in prison and this man is the jailer.

You have daily  work release to go make money then it's back behind bars to  play wife and faux mother.

HE has to change and he won't because he has never viewed himself as a problem.   It's always someone else.

And so he will never seek therapy as he is perfect. This guy is on the narcissist /sociopathic spectrum.

He may not be  beating you with his fists but he is wearing you out and down with his apathy and consistant blame of you for HIS many shortcomings.

Get out of this.

You should continue therapy to discover what is it about you that believes you deserve this abuse.


NO one deserves to be treated as you have by this man in this "marriage".

You have amazing fortitude and you are a hard worker and a very giving person. Just a few of your natural abilities that come through your blogs. There is more to you ,I know.There is  much~ so many  great things in your future for you but not if you stay trapped  in this horrible situation that you suffer through everyday.And you do NOT have to.

Get away from him.


ndc's picture

It sounds like BM was in her car on the public street, not in your driveway or on your property.  As such, there's not a whole lot you can do to her.  Sure, your DH can punish the kid for being disrespectful to you, but there's nothing he can do to BM.  She's exercising her control, and you have no control over her nor any ability to keep her from parking on a public street near your home.  What you DO have control over is what YOU do in this situation.  You control whether you stay with your husband and continue to put up with his shit as well as all the shit baggage he has following him around.