Just one legal ex for me - but I had a few relationships before I met my current DH. After all it was about 40 years! I didn't think I would ever remarry.

It is so much easier (although not easy by any means) to leave when there are no children and no legal ties. It's emotionally difficult to make the decision - but once one has made it when not married with no kids you literally can erase them 100% from your life.

I've seen friends stay with UTTER AHOLES (even with no kids) because they could not face the thought of second divorce. One woman I know has stayed to a gay man who cruises every night because she can't deal with a 2nd divorce. Her gay husband stays married because he cannot deal with admitting that he is gay. He's a very prominent doctor who at one time was head of the American Cancer Society. Sick - on many levels.

In all the second marriages that I have seen, the ones that lasted till death do us part, are all that were blended with no "ours" kids.

The "ours" kids I have seen usually is a point of contention, except in the most blended families. I worried about this, until bm became unhinged and moved far away, etc. So that was completely between DH and BM. So now it is just our little fam.

Our issues were all BM issues. I actually really liked my steps, they are well mannered and intelligent kids. I would love if they were in our lives more.

Me and DH are both on our first marriage so I don't know if it technically applies to me. But BM is still there and they were together for 6 (youth) years so it was as serious as some marriages are. My thought is that "Second Families" are more easily broken up because one or both parties knows their limits the second go around and will probably throw in the towel when things start resembling problems in their "First family." An example: BM cheated on DH more than once and he let it slide the first few times because he thought he was the problem (she was a serial cheater so it wasnt), she wouldn't do it again (but she did because she is a serial cheater) but mostly he thought he didn't want his son to have a broken home like he grew up in. After the third time he sent her on her way and changed the locks. Now he tells me if I ever cheat on him, he's sending me on my way the first time. He started over once and he can start over again. To some that might seem harsh but I can't blame him for having a no-tolerance policy either. I don't think what he said means he won't fight for us or try to make sure we stay on a good path but cheating is his line in the sand now.

yes.... way less effort....

I've never been married before, SO was married... when we started dating he just pretended that he's still married, not to BM but to me... I told him a couple off times, I'm not your wife....

We had huge fights about it.... well it's still the same, I just do not care anymore lol..

I think men are just different them woman.

I agree with you on knowing more of what is important and what isn't and I think the older you are, the quicker you are able to discern if something can be salvaged and the more understanding of what you personally will or will not put up with. I am divorced and my 1st put me through hell - and I stayed a lot longer that I should have. I was young and naive. I just didn't want to be a statistic of divorce or raise my Dd without a father. Now that I am remarried, if Dh even hinted at any of the behaviors the first did, I'd be gone before he knew it. But at my age, I will not put up with cheating, lying, or abuse, no matter how much I love my husband. I will not go through that hell again.

The older and more experienced you are the quicker you realize what life is about - I was engaged to the ex for 4 years before we gone married. With my Dh now - we met, got engaged, and then married within 8 months. We both entered this relationship with our eyes wide open - but that does not negate the fact that there is nothing in the world that can prepare you for stepdom and it IS very difficult at times!

I think it goes both ways.

I'm in my first marriage, and this is the second for DH. DH told me right in the beginning that he never wanted to get divorced again. He said it was so awful, so he is not getting remarried unless he intends to have more children and he thinks he has found "the one". Shortly after we had our first child, things were rough, and he reminded me that he never intends to get divorced again, so if I want to go to counseling with him, he will do it to make things work.

On the other hand...again, another rough patch and DH said to me that since he has lived through a divorce before, he knows he can do it again, so if that's what I want, no problem. So I think maybe living through the experience can make it easier a second time around.

I think my own DH will never file for divorce. (Never say never, but I think if we divorced, I would do the filing first...) I think he would have no issues leaving me, but he HATES being forced by the law to pay for his children. He would absolutely pay, but he would prefer to keep finances the way they are and not have anything on paper. In fights he has told me that if I filed, he would drag it out (which he did with his ex) because he doesn't like the principle of being forced by the state to pay for things.

I think anotherstep is spot on with what she wrote.

Hows it going. Its really a bad phase of life to face divorce. I have seen my friend going through all this and he was completely broken. He is still struggling for his child custody. Someone explained us that the lawyer does not only work on cases but also provides counseling. A lawyer can be your guardian, agent and legal advisor as well. The lawyer like http://www.pagesjaunes.fr/pros/05241146 has experience of legal issues and can know the possible result of an action.