This. A very, very good book for you and anyone else who have or are in an abusive (which IS, even though you don't feel like is is, a dangerous) situation is Facing Violence by Rory Miller. It goes in depth to how a predator (can be anything from a sociopath to an abuser to a rapist to a pedophile) picks and chooses and their methods of doing their MO to a victim. It also goes into the legalities of defending yourself.

DH and I teach self defense so it was a very useful book to recommend to our students.

I can pick out an "abusee" easily as well: How is your gait when you walk--long, confident strides or short, shuffling steps, do you hold your chin up or down when someone is talking to you, are you afraid of physical proximity with a person you don't know very well, are your shoulders out or slouched when you walk/sit, do you look more interested in what someone else says than they are in you when in a conversation, how strong is your handshake, do you maintain eye contact in conversations/with strangers on the street who are staring at you, do you look aware of your surrounding when you walk down the street or do you look down and like you're in a hurry to get somewhere, do you put yourself down in normal conversations, do you look around nervously/at the clock when you're in an uncomfortable situation, do you believe "facts" someone says very easily, when someone teases you or is passive aggressive--do you shrink back/sulk/apologize, etc.

A lot of that can be found in only ten minutes of conversation with you. I can step a little closer than normal people would when talking to you, and just by how you respond can tell me a lot about you. If you're comfortable and unbothered, or if you confidently claim your personal space back (which has a lot to do with how open the front of your body is) then chances of you being a victim is less. If you TRY to look unbothered but are a bit flighty/twitchy, then I know you are at the very least a people pleaser and are afraid to hurt my feelings but I am definitely making you uncomfortable. If you are visually bothered and cower away, then I definitely know you have something in your history that tells me you are or have been a victim.

Then I follow it up with a direct question: Sorry, am I making you uncomfortable?--how you answer this question is important too. Some will laugh it off, some will unconvincingly say no, some will profusely apologize for being uncomfortable, and some will frankly tell me I have violated their personal space.

Anyway, what you project in your stance and visual cues will give people an idea of what they can use/do to manipulate you. I always say, make sure you are aware of the cues you give, and every cue you give should have YOUR OWN motive behind it so you are never caught unawares.