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Sd6 cannot use iPad but plays on 3ds

stuckinthebay's picture

DH asked BM if it was ok for sd6 to take an iPad with her so she may call him on FaceTime vs oovoo since there are a few interruptions when she uses a laptop. Connection is bad or we have to keep calling back because sd6 can't hear us. The iPad would solve the problem with these issues. She wouldn't have to oovoo
Anymore, she could just FaceTime and there would be no problem. BM agree that the iPad would be a good idea because there are also some keys that are missing from their laptop.

Well, when BM got home, things must've changed. Sd6 has been back home for almost two weeks and we've spoken to her about 5 times. She is still using the laptop. Still dealing with the same issues. BM said that they are using the iPad as a reward system so that sd6 can get back on schedule with her sleeping. Sd6 is back on track with that. Still no iPad. There are games and movies on the iPad and we understand if they are trying to limit her with those things, but at least let her use it when it's time to talk to DH.

DH spoke to sd6 and oovoo and she showed him her new 3ds. She got it for Christmas and was really excited for it. She said she gets to play on it every day. Hmm. Weird. So DH sent them this email

From DH:
Just got off with Sd6 and would it possible for her to use the iPad to oovoo or FaceTime next session? I understand why she can't use it to play or watch movies but I think it would be simpler with all the issues the laptop. Also, sd6 showed me her 3DS and she told me she has been able to play it. So I am wondering what is the difference with playing 3DS vs playing/watching/calling on the iPad? I ask because the rule of having the iPad as a reward for her getting back on track with sleeping and behavior. The iPad is a way to connect and communicate with me so her using it just to call I would feel be ok.

BM and bmh's reply:
The difference between her having her 3DS is that we've been planning on buying one for her for months. Just because she showed up back home with an iPad doesn't mean we are going to restrict her 3DS usage. We are comfortable with using the laptop for calls and the idea of the iPad coming along with her came out of nowhere. You didn't consult us on the rules of our house before you decided it was okay to send an iPad over with her. Just because you think it's okay doesn't mean that it is okay for her to use the iPad over here. You have rules at your house and we have rules at our house.

I truly feel like they don't want her using the iPad because they know she'll just FaceTime DH whenever. but BM said it was ok!! Bullshit..

What's funny is that, when sd6 was with us last summer, her first couple weeks with us was tough. She was missing her mom and told her mom she wanted to call more. BM wrote and email to DH and asked if sd6 (5years old at the time) could call. BM said she knows the the CO has specific days, but those are just guidelines. Only when it's convientient for them I guess.


moeilijk's picture

I know your DH is just trying to be a nice guy, but that can be taken the wrong way by some people. With those people, I think it's usually best to keep everything very much direct and to the point.

For example, DH could say, "The iPad was a gift to SD to be used for contacting me. Since it's being used in your home, it is subject to your rules. I had hoped that you would give it to her when it's time for her to contact me. Is that possible?"

And he just can not go along with BM's special requests, nor can he comment or inquire about what they are up to over there. He really needs to take a step back and give it a good 6 months of parallel parenting to see if that allows the drama to die down. No more helping, showing interest, any of it. All of his attention needs to go to SD only.

IMHO, ofc.

zerostepdrama's picture

BM is making no sense. I'd request the iPad back and see where she goes from there.

uofarkchick's picture

The iPad isn't linked to your iCloud account is it? You don't want the evil witch looking at your pictures or reading your emails. You may also want to use the Find My iPad function to make sure it's even at her house.

uofarkchick's picture

I have a first generation iPad that couldn't find it's ass in a paper bag with a flashlight.

DaizyDuke's picture

BM is doing what MANY SM's have bitched about on here. She is limiting access to a tool that SD can use to have unlimited access to her father in BM's house. How many times have SM's bitched about BM sending skid to their house with a phone, to spy or chat, or incessantly text, or whatever. SM's are ALWAYS told.. you're house, you're rules, take phone when skid gets there or tell skid to leave phone at BMs.

Why would the same advice not apply here? Doesn't matter if BM is making "sense" or not. Her house, her rules.

moeilijk's picture

Agreed. But I do think that BM could give the iPad to SD for when she calls so that they don't have the connectivity issues. I might be missing something though as I'm really not tech savvy.

stuckinthebay's picture

DH wouldn't have ever given it to sd6 if it wasn't ok. BM said it was. Now it's not. That's the problem.

Jlbfinch's picture

Many kids would go for the iPad rather than the 3ds. It sounds like the 3ds was the big gift from them and they view the iPad as stealing their glory.

Acratopotes's picture

BM's house and BM's rules... she spot on with that....

Did DH ever ask her if he could send SD with an IPad? I think not... you can not dictate what happens in BM's house just as she can't tell you what to do in your house.

Simply disconnect the Ipad and ask for it to be returned..... if it's not returned report it as stolen and black list it, then no one can use it ever again.

DaizyDuke's picture

But so what? He asked, she said that would be ok. Maybe when they got back home, she realized she was NOT OK with SD having unlimited access to dad while on her time, in her home. Maybe she was NEVER OK with it, just said so to appease the dad and get the heck out of town. Maybe an adult is using it, or IPad got lost or who knows what?? Again the bottom line is, it's BMs home. It's her prerogative to change her mind. If she doesn't want SD on the damn IPad, then so be it. It's not like she's refusing to let SD contact dad at all.